Love Vs practicality

A truth of our lives

 

“I will leave you one day” I said jokingly.

“If you will leave me, I will die” She said

“What if I die first” I said teasingly in same mood.

She covered my lips with her fingers and said “You can’t, because I will not let you”.

“Oh, are you God” I said while playing with her nose.

“No, but I can fight him for the one I love” She said.

These fights were normal between us. I used to do it for fun but she doesn’t. She used to tell me - whatever we say it turns into reality one day. She always believed in truth. She also used to say “Don’t joke with life. Joking with friends is different but never jokes with love and life”. And I didn’t believe in all this.  Like every other advanced and Gen X boy and girl, I never believed in all such words. I used to believe in practicality and believed that nobody will do such a thing in today’s world. Everyone needs freedom and no-body would die. Every-one nowadays want to enjoy their life. Girl dumps boys and boy dumps girls to move on. Those dumped boys and girls also find new boyfriends and girl friends. “If love is so pure and so true then how can they love anyone other than their lover?” Sometimes I used to think. The girls and boys who cries                             for their lover for few days and then make new, are best. “They move on with their life” I used to think. “Why can’t she move on with her life, if by some reason I move off to somewhere else” I thought. “But why would I ever leave her? I did see any reason” I murmured to self and then again started playing with her nose. I believed myself as open minded and herself as typical old fashioned girl.

I have just completed my college and was waiting for the date of joining the company. Everything was in my hand so crystal clear and now I just have to enter into that enticing world. But there were still 3 months. I snatched a job in Delhi. She has completed her two years and after holidays she will enter into her next year. So now we had 2 months of fun to enjoy together and that’s why we both were excited and were planning so many things. We have planned to visit so many places in Mumbai together during our coming holidays.

We were friends or I must say best friends. We used to go out together have fun and then back. We were not in the same college but mobile devices are enough. In the start we used to talk like hell. But recently I was busy in my final year and that’s why we meet less but talk every day. We were so close to each other. She used to call me every day and I used to call her only whenever I felt like calling her. Sometimes I used to say “Why you call me daily. Do you fear that I will run away with someone else?”  She didn’t used to say anything to this. She was consistent in calling me and sometimes I used to cut the call for fun. She used to send message in concern. “Why she worry so much. I am here alive. Oh god! Please help this girl. When will she learn to live” I used to think and then used to reply back with some fake reasons. She knows that I was clearly speaking a lie but just to listen to my voice she used to call and that too for just 2 minutes.

Next day I was sitting inside my college room and I got a call.

“Hi sweetheart how is you” She said to me.

“Sweetheart? Who is your sweetheart?” I asked her teasingly

“A very sweet boy who talks to me daily, have fun with me and want me to leave. But I will never leave him” She said with a sweet smile.

We were best of friends and use to spent time together from past 2 years but still we haven’t proposed to each other. May be she is waiting for me. At times looking at her beautiful eyes I used to think that she wants to say something. But for me “What will I do after proposing her. We are already good friends, why should we propose each other? We don’t want to change this good relationship into a contract.” Such thoughts used to wander inside my petite brain. I was like every other Gen X boy and girl who wants to enjoy frenetically the independence but don’t want to take the responsibility. It looks very strange but it’s very true. That’s Gen Next for you all.

“You are very sweet and I really love being with you. You are my best friend” I said to her.

“You are my only friend with whom I shared everything of my life” She said smiling.

And suddenly I started to observe a beeping voice indicating another call coming. I looked at my phone.

“Mom?  She is calling during this time of college? Might be she wanted to tell me something extremely important” I thought.

“Hey sweetheart my mother is calling, I will talk to you tomorrow” I said.

“Okays, I will wait for your call. Bye and take care” She disconnected the phone.

I picked up the call and as I was about to say hello. My mother started speaking hastily.

“Hey son hurry up and come home, there is an emergency” My mother spoke and disconnected the call. I could sense the absolute tension in her voice.

“What could have happened? Why she was so worried? Why she didn’t tell me anything?” These thoughts were wandering inside my mind. I packed my bag in rush and started running towards my home.

“What happen? I asked my mom who were still in tears.

“Your grandfather got a severe heart attack. Your father took him to hospital but doctors said they have to be shift to Delhi for emergency” She said with heavy voice.

“What? Where are they now? I asked her.

“They left the city and about to reach Delhi Hospital. We have to reach within 2 days. We got a room on rent for few months. Your uncle has arranged it for us. So just pack you books and clothes.”  She said and went to pack the things.

I was so shocked by such news that my mind went blank. I wasn’t able to believe whatever she said. I loved him a lot and I still emember every single story he used to tell me during my childhood days. Even now we used to have great time together watching cricket matches and talking to each other. My mind went so blank that I forgot everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything related to me. I packed my bag and next day we left for Delhi quickly.

“He is now out of danger but he needs rest for few months”. My dad said when we reached there.

“It’s ok, we are here now and we can take care of him. And as our son will join an office here so he will also get some assistance” My mother said.

I went back to my room and started unpacking the bag and after sometime I realize that my phone wasn’t there. I started searching inside my bag, my pocket and every other place. The mobile wasn’t there, in fact it wasn’t anywhere. I was quite tensed now and started searching like a mouse. I shouted from my room “Mom, have you seen my mobile”.

“No son, I haven’t packed your things and even coming out from the room I didn’t see anything.” She replied. “What happened? Have you lost your mobile?” She said coming to me.

“Yes, I think I am not able to find it” I said looking at her in low voice.

“Its ok son, just buy a new one. Take money from me.” She said.

I took money from her and bought a mobile. I had a diary with me which had all contact numbers.

“Oh no, the contacts numbers are only till my first year of college. I also haven’t talked to her since three days. And now I didn’t have her number. How am I going to talk with her?” My mind was literally confused and I didn’t know what to do. My mother didn’t know about her because she is against such things like talking to friends for hours and going out too often. But I was totally confused at what to do. I wasn’t earning and have no other reason to go back to Mumbai. I sat on the chair not knowing what to do. “She might be worrying about me but I have no choice but to wait for 3 months to start a job and then search for her. My mother will not let me go back to Mumbai without any reason. Does that mean I can’t talk to her now” I was thinking and thinking.

The time doesn’t stops for anyone and the same happened with me. The days started passing by and I was feeling very lonely. In between I met one girl in the sports club I used to go daily near my home. She was learning tennis there. We met and started talking to each other. She took my loneliness away from me and that’s why I started liking her. We shared a lot of things of our lives and came much closer to each other. After joining my job the flow of money also made our relation closer. I bought a bike and we started spending time together more and more. We used to talk to each other daily. At this time we are equally calling each other. We used to talk endlessly without getting bored and finally after a year she said “I love you, do you love me too?” I was a bit startled at her confession but then I hugged her and accepted her proposal. 

         

 We spent 2 years together and suddenly one day I got a message

I am sorry but I have no choice. I have to go. I know I am doing wrong but I know you will understand. I am sorry, but please don’t wait for me.

I read that message 5 to 10 times and was in sheer disbelieve. I started remembering our last meeting and can clearly recall that nothing such have happened. There was no trace of even sadness. I tried to call her but the phone was switched off. May be she realized that I might call her back. My whole colorful world went colorless and I was into tears. I wasn’t crying but was in equivalent state of sorrow. I was sitting in my room and I could hear the television noise.

“There was severe bomb blast in Mumbai” News I heard 

 And as I heard the word “Mumbai” I was into deep sorrow and shock too. Shock was of looking at my darker side of irresponsibility and sorrow at the misusage of my independence.

“Mumbai, Oh my god, I forgot my best friend. How can I do this, she believed in me more than me and I forgot her just because of someone else came in my life. I am so bad.” I thought and suddenly started packing my bag.

“Are you going somewhere?” my mother asked me while looking at my haste motion.

“I have to go to Mumbai” I said to her.

“Why?” She asked.

“I have very important work regarding mark sheets” I tried to utter a lie.

“After two year? My mother was surprised.

“Yes mother, it’s urgent. I will be back in 3 days. I have a friend there with whom I will live.” I said and I started running.

“Ok then take these keys to check whether you left something of not” She gave me the keys of our house in Mumbai.

I took the keys and started running towards the railway station. I reached their and caught a train for Mumbai. While sitting inside the train I was continuously thinking about my old days with my best friend and I was completely apologetic. “I will accept whatever she would say, it was completely my fault” I thought. The train was at its pace and my thoughts were multiplying in grief. I had no idea what will happen. Will she accept me or not? Will she be waiting for me or not? How will I face her after 2 years? There were so many questions pricking me. Every thought was loudly announcing that “You are the culprit, because you made a girl cry this happened to you. She liked you so much and you left her to find a new one.” My mind was constantly teasing me with pain.

 

Next day I reached the station, boarded a taxi and reached that place. Everything was looking normal. Her house was on the way and I could see clearly that it was locked. Looking from taxi I could imagined that no one was living there from a long time. Still I stopped the taxi in died hope and went towards her house. There was a big lock; I knocked the door of her neighbors. An aunty came out and I enquired about her. She told me that they left six month back. Something very bad happened in their family and then they went somewhere else. My heart beat became fast and I came down to sit inside my taxi.  As I reached my home, I ran to open the lock. I opened the door and was searching for my mobile phone. After 15 minutes I got the phone, but it wasn’t charged.  I ran towards the mobile shop and bought a charger. I was it state of shock and disbelief of meeting her. The phone got charged in 10 minutes. There was a fear inside me which was holding me back from switching it on. But that mobile was my last hope. I switched on the mobile and the message tones were constantly buzzing around.

 I looked at my mobile it was showing �" 1000 missed calls and 1,500 messages. I busted into tears with an intuition of something very ugly. Out of all these there were 760 missed calls and 780 messages were from her. I tried to call her back but it was switched off. I started reading her messages. I was completely broke realizing what I have done.  I started reading her message from the start:

“Have you reached their”, “You must be tired”, “I hope everything is fine”, “I am missing you”, “I don’t have a friend to share what I feel”, “How are you doing”……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………”I am missing you a lot”………………………………………………….”I love you”………………………………………”Where are you I am feeling so lonely”……………………….”Please come back”………….I will wait for you till end”……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….”I love you a lot”.

I was now crying completely remembering every single second we spend together. This was pricking me more than that message I got in Delhi. But I never knew that something more disastrous was waiting for me. I continued reading the messages and last 5 messages were the most painful of them all.

“My parents are forcing me to marry. I told them about you but they don’t understand. What should I do”?

“I know you will be back soon but I can’t withstand this emotional torture they are giving me just to change my choice”.

“Please come back, I want to live with you and don’t want to die alone. Please come back to me”

“I want to run away but don’t even know where I will find you. My tears have already dried. They have given me 3 days ultimatum to choose, otherwise with physical force they will make me sit for the marriage. I will never let it happen. If you will not come back in 3 days then I will not live in this world. Come back soon”

“The car is at 100kmph and my body is too weak to resist to anything. The breaks are failed and anytime I could be free from this prison. I loved you and will love you forever. Promise me that you will marry someone else and will not be alone for your whole life. I think we are not made for each other. But I still love you. I have no choice but to do this. I am sorry, I am leaving you alone. I have no choice. I love you and will always doo. Take care. Your sweetheart.”

The phone fell down from my hand and body was shivering badly. I ran towards her house leaving his house open. I reached that place and started looking here and there. I saw a tea stall which was situated just opposite to her window. From the tea stall, her house can be seen clearly. I went there and asked.

“Where is that family now” I asked pointing towards.

“Which one? They left this house six month back” he said looking in the direction of my finger.

 My mind knew the answer but was still refusing that dark probable truth. “No, that can’t happen”, “They might have changed the house”, all these thought was to give a false condolence to self.

“Oh! Everybody shifted” I asked.

“Who are you” He said looking at me.

“I am her friend but I went abroad and so was not in any contact with the family” I said in low voice.

“Ok. I hear some accident took place and someone died” He said slowly and in low voice.

“Who? Uncle?” I said. I knew my darkest belief was going to be right but I didn’t want it to be.

“No, it was of their daughter’s. They were organizing for her marriage and she died in a road accident. How unlucky they were” He said

 I ran back towards my home, closed the door and kept on crying for unknown time. My whole body was shivering in disbelief and absolute grief.   

Those words were still wobbling my consciousness. “I will die one day”, “What if I died first”, “Why can’t she move on with her life, if by some reason I get off” and more

I knew that if I would have come to Mumbai before then I could have stopped it. But I was too irresponsible and had an attitude of “Move on”. This is a mistake which young boys and girls often do and it remains hidden because only two persons know about it. Some even take their lust till the stage of sexual pleasure. And when everything goes opposite they tend to move on and try to erase the chapter because only two people knew about it.

I never knew that just because of a small irresponsible behavior, I can kill someone who loved me more than herself. No police will sentence me a death penalty but from inside I knew my crime. This crime was more brutal then killing someone instantly. I kept on crying and remembering our old days. May be that was my penalty, to live as a killer in my own eyes………….   

Author's Note

This a story which reflects the other side of love. That side which is seen more often.

Reviews

[Renée]

heartbreaking ............

[Manpreet]

Nice piece!

[Dominique]

It was okay, but there were tons of grammatical errors which threw the tone of the story off. All in all though, it was an okay story and I liked it.