Let me know what you think. About letting a love one be happy even if it makes you un happy
I let her go like the wind when it flows .
My heart is in a constant fold.
It's hard to control whats inside of me.
Its hard to see the future, when the past has a hold of me , controllably steering the wheel in the wrong direction because I don't feel your affection . but whats next? A bullet in my chest ? Is it time i put on my vest? Let me excape this stress and feel a lil less to get rid of all these pests. I feel like there's not a got damn thing to sing about but in my eyes are hidden tears of my fears that shears me apart. At times i feel im stuck in the dark. With a dart in my heart.
It is an interesting read, you sentence structure makes it hard to follow, so I would like to offer an editing critique correcting spelling and grammar errors as well as restructuring the poem. If I have overstepped my bounds or offended you in any way then I ask your forgiveness.
I let her go like the wind when it flows
My heart is in a constant fold
It's hard to control what is inside of me
It's hard to see the future
When the past has a hold of me
Controllably steering the wheel in the wrong direction
Because I don't feel your affection
But what's next, a bullet in my chest
Is it time I put on my vest
Let me escape this stress and feel
A little less to get rid of all these pests
I feel like there's not a goddamn thing to sing about
but in my eyes are hidden
Tears of my fears that shears me apart
At times, I feel I'm stuck in the dark
With a dart in my heart.
It is an interesting read, you sentence structure makes it hard to follow, so I would like to offer an editing critique correcting spelling and grammar errors as well as restructuring the poem. If I have overstepped my bounds or offended you in any way then I ask your forgiveness.
I let her go like the wind when it flows
My heart is in a constant fold
It's hard to control what is inside of me
It's hard to see the future
When the past has a hold of me
Controllably steering the wheel in the wrong direction
Because I don't feel your affection
But what's next, a bullet in my chest
Is it time I put on my vest
Let me escape this stress and feel
A little less to get rid of all these pests
I feel like there's not a goddamn thing to sing about
but in my eyes are hidden
Tears of my fears that shears me apart
At times, I feel I'm stuck in the dark
With a dart in my heart.
Your message is strong and comes out clear. But I kind of got confused, the first 3 lines had a great poetic rhythm, but the rest came out like a short story. The write-up will make a great poem or short story, but not both. Good job anyway.