Ever been to the depths of Hell?

A Poem by Devin O'Brien

Just my thoughts on a subject, nothing personal

Ever been to the depths of Hell? It’s quite warm there if you don’t know. To actually control chaos at your fingertips feels nice. It feels like you are the creator of everything, but it’s not nice to play God. Even when you control Hell you still feel that shadow hanging over you. When light is your enemy and darkness is the closest thing to you; that’s when you need help. Darkness feels nice, but that’s only because when you feel like nothing darkness takes care of you when no one else will. It feels like no one can hear you cry or you even exist. Maybe that’s why I’m so happy in this new year because after you lost yourself you try to find who you are again without any help. You need the help, trust me. Darkness does nothing except help you go into that escape in your life called dreams. I found myself when one night as I looked in the night sky and saw 3 stars in a line. (If you don’t know 3 is my favorite number) It was like the impossible came to life. As the days past every night during break I would look into that night sky and see those 3 stars. I was so dependent on those stars every night now. I knew stars live for billions of years so I believed and had faith in these stars will be with me always. These stars felt like my religion now, but then something happened. On January 1, 2016: 2am I get a text that woke me up. I knew I had work in a couple of hours and should go back to bed, but I had to see those stars to help me to go back asleep. I walk outside in the freezing cold and look up to see only 2 stars. I don’t know if the top star vanished or the bottom. On my concrete I fall to my knees and close my eyes with depression. In my mind these stars were going to be with me through it all. They weren’t going to back-stab me or lie to me. Those 3 stars were there to listen and watch all my problems,my hopes, and my dreams. To not see that third star was devastating. All through my life people have left or gotten distant with me, but I thought to myself “Not these stars. They will be with me everywhere I go in the world.” As I cry about third star leaving me the other two just observe and listen while the judgement of the other stars lingered. I finally realized that just one star left, but I still have those 2 that will be with me always. You have to understand in life that no one will be with you always, but you have to keep moving forward and cherish the times they are there. Having someone for a short time is better than having no one at all. They say the loneliest is the most desperate, but that’s a lie. The loneliest are the most accepting because they know exactly how loneliness feels like and doesn’t want anyone else to feel like that. Those 3 stars are maybe not there, but those 2 are willing to go through it all with me so I won’t feel like to ever be lonely again. It’s a warm fuzzy feeling of reassurance. My question is though: Where are your stars?