The Missing Heart

New poem: A Broken Hearts Attempt

I look around and I find someone,
Another heart, another broken girl.
I hear her footsteps treading onn the sand,
and her flip flops flopping as she moved
As her shadow became clearer,
I began to hear this girls voice in the wind,
She was whispering quietly,
And I moved over ever so softly to hear her words.
"Lord you broke me" she cried!
"You tore me into a million pieces because I can't find you!"
And I whisper back to her, "The Lord did no such thing."
She looks around, doesn't see me, doesn't hear me.
She runs into the water shouting "this is my only escape!"
I run after her, telling her that God has always been there,
Shouting it at the top of my lungs!
She turns around to me in the darkness,
And says "You don't know what I've been through."
I tell her "No, I don't, but god loves you!
He loves everyone, he can fix your heart, and make it better,
But you have to let god in!"
She runs to me, and cries, and says
"Thank you, you're right."
I said "Breathe deeply, and always stay here.
It's where you should be, until God escorts you to heaven himself."
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Old poem: The Missing Heart


I look around 
Another heart i have found, 
Foot steps treading, 
Onto a broken ground. 
As the footsteps become clearer 
I begin to hear her, 
She whispers through the air, 
Lord, you are no longer my healer. 
She trudges closer dragging feet along, 
Shes a little bit more then just a little lost 
I hear the splashes of the water, 
She screams "Now I am gone" 
Now I am gone. 
I run in her direction towards the sea, 
I scream "Oh God please don't let this be" 
She's no where to be found, 
And I fall onto my knees. 
"Please fix this broken heart, 
Give her another start, 
She can fix what she's messed up, 
Please fix her broken heart." 
I draw the cross in the sand, 
Dig my feet into the land, 
Stare out into the midnight sky, 
And then I stand. 
I hear a sound off in the distance, 
I stop and quiet, give her screams a listen. 
I run to her side, 
And find the broken heart that's been missing. 
I drag her to the land again, 
Make her breathe out and in, 
Please stay here, 
That's where you should have been. 

Author's Note

Help me decide which one is better! I personally like the edited, but I loved the original too!! Help please!! :)

Reviews

[Abdul Batin Osman Bey]

I like both of them, why should be better love these babies different but equally.

[Felicity's Eve]

I liked them both very much but I have to say that the original wins in my opinion. :)

Love, love, loved it! The message is something I deeply believe in. :)

100/100!!!

[Samantha Lynn]

I like them both. You kind of switched the POV's so I would keep them both as they are and do something cool with them both to show how different, yet the same at the same time. Don't get rid of one. Combine the two. that is what I recommend... lol