She

anther love poem.

I look into her

Not her eyes

but her soul

 

and i see wonders

light and brilliance

but shadow also

and darkness deep

bold even

 

she mesmerizes me

I cannot look away

 

she is a dark storm

fighting with such savagery

that i am enthralled

 

she fulfills my light

and my dark

she makes me whole again. 

Author's Note

honest opinion?

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I love the concept...what woman would not? Honestly, the words and emotion burn brightly in this piece, and I can see the depth beneath the spaces between the lines. I love the storm imagery...dark vs. light, etc.

Technically, I would love to see this in another format. I think that the impact could be made stronger if this were presented just a little differently:

I look into her--
not her eyes,
but her soul

and I see wonders--
light and brilliance,
but shadow also

darkness deep
bold even

She mesmerizes me--
I cannot look away

She is a dark storm,
fighting with such savegry,
that I am enthralled

She fulfills my lights
and my dark--
makes me whole again

Something along those lines...just placing emphasis on certain areas of the piece through formatting and forcing the reader to pause in certain places to take in the words a little more heavily. Not saying this is the only way, just an idea. I would avoid the one long stanza in most cases. You could, of course, add in a little more imagery about the likening of the "she" to the storm as well.

Overall...a beautiful sentiment here. This piece has great bones, and you have a great amount of emotional depth.

[Sarah Conder]

This is lovely :) Beautiful words that describe exactly how it feels to be completely overcome by someone.

[Traci]

A beautiful sentiment she will be honored to read. Very honestly written, with lovely imagery. Full of rich emotion, with so much depth, obviously written from your heart and soul. I like the way you've captured light and dark, only a true friend takes time to see into the depths of our soul. Great job J.

[Amy]

who is she?

[John Holmes]

she is a good friend of mine.

[Amy]

i like the fact that you have given an honest description of her. i guess i can be able to tell the kind of person she is from this great piece. Good work.