The Shuddaa Bitchin Diaries

6-10-11
Clint Eastwood and Lieutenant Surge are of the same seed. [remember this].

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"Oh god, mom found my insect collection in the freezer.....better lay low and let her anger subside"

"Today i got kicked out of meijer for climbing into the giant cardboard crate of school glue; i should go home and rethink my life"

"Coffee flavored toothpaste, novelty flavored toothpaste. middle aged mothers will worship me when they see their children brushing their teeth with my candy flavored toothpaste"

"Never leave baybel cheese in your car, it melts and turns your dashboard greasy"

"What the f**k is a fire exit? I hope all doors are "fire exits" in the case of a fire"

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The Chrome River Incident:

It all began when we were all sick of all our s**t, the river froze so we couldn't swim in the river and throw rocks at the geese and make funny jokes to eight year olds in the gravel parking lot. Yep we were sick off all our s**t early on. So i let Emmanuel have the keys to my car and we drove away.
We yelled and whooped and hollered with the windows down counting "bug points" as the winged creatures spat onto our windshield. Then we drove to the river and all the water had been turned to chrome by the steel-maker/professor (our next-door-neighbor). A thick black granite took the chrome's place. A giant, thick black top covered expanse. Emmanuel said he didnt wanna come cause he didnt have to deal with the infinite. I looked across the rather large expanse and didnt blame him. So i traveled across the chrome desert and found the nearest house. I went into the door. I took out the recycling cans and put them in the garbage cans on the granite driveway. You came home from work in the granite car. We played fun board games about granite in the basement, I didnt think it was very fun but i smiled when you smiled, especially when you rolled the granite dice and laughed. Lights began to flicker as a granite storm was passing by outside. We put our covers in the microwave so we would be warm when we fell asleep. I woke up feeling her smooth legs push up against my thighs. After that, our producer/photographer turned off the bright lights and told us our fashion pictures would turn out all right. I lifted up the covers and said goodbye to her, I embarrasingly forgot her name....Damn.
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It will come
before we're done
It will come
wash off all our dirty feet

the long legs (standing on the roofing pegs)
will never leave our house
will never ever ever leave our house again.

God i tried to call you
God i tried to call you
but heaven had no operators
heaven had no operators.
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To help Harry sing
we installed some things
When he woke up,
Surgery really changed him a lot
His skin was scaled with purple dots.

To help Harry smile
and all the girls he defiled
When he woke up
nothing seemed to bother him
nothing seemed to offend

To help harry dance
with a quick quick glance
When he woke up
surgery really changed him a lot
his skin was scaled with purple dots.
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Last night i dreamt i lived in Atlanta where my house was just filled with women and they actually valued what it is I had to say.
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I guess it's my turn
to urinate on the garbage can on the street by our van

to make me feel
a little less responsible, a little less serious

I guess its my turn
to drink from the milk carton without getting a cup

to make me feel
a little less responsible, a little less serious.
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