separated souls

two separated souls as distant as worlds

strumming out verses harmonically true,

universal expansion and asteroids hurled

meteors bursting, cosmic symphonic stew,

two separated souls in tongues just they knew

singing choruses wherefore even heavens hushed;

abreast vacuum of space, galaxies birthing anew,

plangent refrains as from church organs rushed.

wherein pining souls, their tones sweetly blushed,

as terms dubbed in curved space-time construed,

moments assembled like hair finely brushed

as threads of the universe combed thin and hued.

each preceding stanza primes another it seems;

two separated souls joined by concordant dreams.

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

This is very nice -- this reminds me of the image of "star-crossed lovers." I really like the word choices for painting your astronomical images. On a technical note: you stick very closely to your rhyme scheme, which makes this feel very regular and solid, but there's an irregularity in the overall rhyme that might deserve some attention. Your poem's current rhyme reads (abab) (bcbc) (cbcb) (dd). Was this your intention? The back-to-back "c" rhmes between your 2nd and 3rd stanzas is a little off-putting if the reader isn't ready for it, and the fact that rhyme "b" occurs in all 3 stanzas but "a" and "d" only make singular appearances also feels a little strange.

[m.s.early]

I googled sonnet and picked this scheme up from somewhere and tried it out. I forget what it's called now. :)

[DaughterNature]

I was wondering if you were using a form, after I saw another poem of yours with the same structure. It does feel reminiscent of a sonnet, especially with the ending couplet. My apologies, I'm ashamed for not recognizing the form on my first read-through!

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

X...Your words are rich and poignant. Full with flavor... like potato chips are becoming addictive.LOL

[m.s.early]

Sweet potato chips I hope ;)

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

sweet...savory.. the only time they aren't good is when they are soggy or stale:) lol

[lost girl]

maybe I'm partial...yours has a better flow.... :}

[Rita L. Sev]

This has a great rhythm, Xavier. Especially liking that "cosmic symphonic stew". :)

[m.s.early]

Thank you for reading, Rita :)

[Frieda P]

Those long distance relationships are tough, you made it sound rather blissful and exciting...

'cosmic symphonic stew', now there's a line...

[m.s.early]

If they were neighbors but separated by cosmic circumstance the distant would be no less unmitigated. ;)

[Frieda P]

Cosmic stew sounds much more inviting ;-)

[m.s.early]

Yes, I suppose it does :) :) ;)

[Linda alexander]

two separated souls in tongues just they knew
singing choruses wherefore even heavens hushed;
herein pining souls, their tones sweetly blushed,
as terms dubbed in curved space-time construed,
Fabulous write, two lovers far apart physically as whole world separates them, but singing in harmony, it is so powerful that heaven is too supportive of them, they are sad as they are apart, but know each other so well, and can sing and strum even to extent to accommodate the universe with them, meaning universe even love them so much, where the poet is going, grafting, galaxy reverberating when they are in their own orbits, now singing in harmony in dreams, one after another, poet is in real trouble, enjoyed

[m.s.early]

Linda, it is always a pleasure to read your reviews. It appears you see the common thread of in several of my thoughts. Thank you for reading :)

[Linda alexander]

You most welcome, my pleasure, I told you I can be good fan as far as not losing brain cells and colors

[Brittany Zedalis]

I really love how this rhymes and flows. Awesome!

[m.s.early]

(: thank you brittany :)

[Mockingbird]

shows how lofty and tragic these people's relationship is, though sustaining harmony throughout. their love is on a celestial plane transcending earthly bonds.you are a master sonneteer.

[m.s.early]

(: Yes, mockingbird, love that is true will endure always as boundless as the cosmos itself. Thank you for your kind words :)

[Rehan Roy]

'as terms dubbed in curved space-time construed' I like the cosmic analogy , which you have used brilliantly.

[m.s.early]

(: Thank you Rehan. You are greatly appreciated :)

[Rehan Roy]

You are welcome muchly :)