fish story

fish story

A Poem by m.s.early

the air around him was slick like a greasy spoon's grill
he was sniffing like a dog with a new smell
and i could tell he was hammered

twelve shots loaded, two spilt by the jukebox
and some on his shirt
spit dripping in his goatee

the fish kept getting bigger and bigger
and further away from the bank
and i was annoyed and bored

© 2014 m.s.early


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Reviews

Love that first line...and wasn't expecting the last..best fish story I ever heard/read.

Posted 10 Years Ago


i like the incongruity of the fish getting bigger the further away from the bank they are. or am i looking at it from the wrong side of the bank. is it like the rearview mirrors on the outside. it's trippy nonetheless. i get bored and annoyed around friends who are hammered. yes. hammered.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is a really nice expansion on a moment, love the way you described the shots. The only word that feels out of place is "hammered." It definitely describes the character, but when you're using such awesome imagery to describe other parts of the scene, it seems a shame to fall back on this piece of slang.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Fish has stories as well as the imagination when drunk...:)............

Posted 10 Years Ago


Okay, now this, I LOVED. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. Shades of "Natural Born Killers" running through my head.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I do like this, you tell it from a different perspective...unique :) x

Posted 10 Years Ago


pissing contests and exaggerated fish stories...yes, drunk at the time, but some indication of how he is in real life...because we are who we really are after a few drinks...at least that is the consensus...


you weave really good poems...you don't waste any words, and each one you use is visual and compelling.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Some one is fully drunk, filled shots partly between his shirt and the juke box, spit dripping his goatee, and try to catch fish, and fishing became utter failure and his friend got bored and annoyed,can visualize, if it is me i would have mildly kicked him as he may forget when he is sober, how cool you narrated this fish story, enjoyed

Posted 10 Years Ago



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9 Reviews
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Added on February 1, 2014
Last Updated on February 1, 2014

Author

m.s.early
m.s.early

VA



About
"A poet's work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world, and stop it going to sleep." -Salman Rushdie more..

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