hard boiled man

a hard boiled man,

stumps for knees pounded 

by toiling years laying carpet,

sips coffee at the counter

with a friend,

and his heart 

was not telling him

at the counter;

there were no alarms

until his brain closed his eyes

while he drove home,

no one was with him 

to hear his heart squeeze

but 

not

pump.

veered into the westbound lane

heading east,

and the air bag did not deploy

before the steering wheel 

entered him,

and the way the cab bent

did not comply with 

how his spine 

had been designed

and his hip cracked

in the crunch.

another heart attack 

while 

in 

traction

and every pensive kin

gathered as sullen crows

cawing softly in the hall

but i knew he was too mean to die

the other guy

did

not 

make

it

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

hard boiled man
A wonderful analogy....:)......

[lee von cleef]

The other guy,
the other,
alone,
now with no
head or stone,
No weight,
but layers above,below,
and a thought to carry his taker,
through this world,
For know ,
none are really,
Alone.

[DaughterNature]

I like the feel of this poem, how the lines are broken apart, and I like some of the imagery (hard-boiled man, brain closed his eyes). But, as for the formatting, why is it centered? Why are the lines broken into stanzas, and why make the stanzas where you did? Answering questions like those turn a good poem into a great poem. Also, there are a few moments of awkward language: "kin" is normally a default-plural noun, but here you use it as singular, so it sounds strange.

[max_vonnegut]

THIS IS THE STUFF THAT IS GOOD STUFF. Dang this is so legit.
"And every pensive kin gathered as sullen crows cawing softly in the hall" That line though. That is some Walt Whitman stuff right there. Amazing job man.

[Rachelle]

It wasn't his time. Perhaps a turning point for him to alter his attitudes and perspectives?

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Vivid and intense!... that is what makes this a potent write, Xavier...

Such a tragic ending for the other....

You have that special something... Your mind's eye reflects what the soul wants to say...
and you pen it with a keen acceptance...

Amazing!~xoxo~:)

[Mollie Fitzner]

Your free verse tells a story. In some ways it reminds me of something Simon & Garfunkel might have done )Kathy's song) The very sad thing about this story is that it happens too often. I love the creativity of "and the way the cab bent did not comply with how is spine had been designed.." I could "hear" the hip crack.

We never know where the next turn takes us. Only God knows.

[Odysseus Wanders]

Very moving write Xavier. Wonderful Story. All these little pieces falling into place, these little scenes... iconic, routine, dependable... diner coffee, what is more dependable or ritual... so it shows this side of life... are mornings or noons, while in between time, where we have these 'everyday' exchanges... and we don't even know how valuable they are in their reliability... and then the heart doesn't squeeze... this other worldly event, to come shatter our dependable routine... opens us up, uncaringly, to crisis, loss, and deep change.... And yes... too mean to die! The other... maybe not mean enough! So a moral to the end for me.... Life is hard! And it takes a hard boiled man in moments to survive it.
Nice mind provoking Story. Powerful current of LIFE in it... even thought there is talk of death!

[Lyn Anderson]

Wow. Of course, me being me, I have a special appreciation for the twists in this poem. It's great.

[m.s.early]

(: thank you KL :)

[Linda alexander]

and every pensive kin
gathered as sullen crows
cawing softly in the hall
but i knew he was too mean to die


The poet describing a man faced the fate of tragic , sad, and helpless way of permanent sleep through a motor vehicle accident related to heart attack, and the complications, and then subsequent heart attack . The poet seems like saying both persons did not make it, realizing it was so sad and mean situation that he has to leave this stage especially in that particular way being toiled all these years, I believe in purgatory and heaven, do not want to think about hell, so we will meet him in heaven, fabulous writing, enjoyed it

[m.s.early]

(: thank you so much linda :)

[Linda alexander]

You most welcome, my pleasure