Restoration - Part II (thank you sanity)

okay... i think it's complete

you dislodged me whilst i resisted;

you flowed heart-warm and genuine,

but i was determined and persisted.

a terrified and stringless mannequin;

refusing your truth yet once again,

not realizing your eyes focused quietly,

unblinking , withdrawn from sin.

and whilst i cried there defiantly,

you were an elder statesman waiting silently

until i looked over, your validity revealed:

a realm of safety as well reminded me

surrendering leaves nothing to conceal.

and once i lost the fear that kept me cowering,

my soul became sun soaked, forever flowering.

Author's Note

Spenserian Sonnet
a b a b b c b c c d c d e e

- seriously folks, critiques won't offend me. It's actually why I'm here If it feels forced, contrived, or convoluted feel free to chime in.

Reviews

[Jack...]

Ok, now I think I can see. The funny thing my friend...it is always out there, waiting, the beautiful light, you just have to WANT to see it. I know, so much easier said than done, especially when the wieght of sorrow is piled so high you can see nothing else, but it is there. This is cool my friend and I don't know why, but I have suddenly become very emotional responding to your poem.

[m.s.early]

Heart felt thanks Jack. It is humbling that you share this note. It really means a lot and is fruitful encouragement.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'Restoration'
m.s.early,
The lost found, blind see, lepers cleansed, dead brought to life.....and more Christ the King waits and gives the offer. 'Come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.' We need someone-something more than ourselves. Your above writing reminded me of my own times of repentance and the work and honest striving-admitting my need and asking and accepting help from God Allmighty. I am weak but He is strong.
Kathy

[a-decaying-soul]

.....I feel so pathetic when i compare my poem to yours aha; in other words this is pretty good

[justjenn_2u]

"Whilst" isn't necessary. "While" will suffice. "Your heart flowed" - warm and gentle. Third line - persistent. Seems your mind is turned on by mystery. Yet, you see the underfolding layers. The rest of the poem is flowing. A deep meaning but I have read much more heartfelt poetry of yours. 3rd or so on my list of favs of yours.

[m.s.early]

(: thank you for taking the time to review :)

[asdarkeyesclose]

i liked the last couplet a lot, a positive ending that made all the fight seem worthwhile somehow. i also liked that you kept the form very fluid with a lot of natural rhythm and flow. poetry like this is like gold dust. I hope you write more. fantastic.

[m.s.early]

(: thank you :)

[Lyn Anderson]

My soul became sun soaked, flowering forever? I want to reverse them. Not sure why. And maybe ditch the hyphen in stringless. Yeah, yeah, I know the little red squiggle and all, but what is poetic license if not defying the red line?

[m.s.early]

Ha! Defy the red line indeed. Poetic licensing at all costs I say! lol. Thanks KL

[Rachelle]

Oh! ..... So the dawn breaks and daytime has come....

[m.s.early]

(: and then it's time to go to work :)

[Mockingbird]

i agree that surrendering brings about freedom from fear.( there is fear and defiance in surrendering to that which will save and absolve, in my experience) suffering is prolonged but there is redemption when you make that choice. this poem has personal meaning for me. thank you.

[m.s.early]

(: isn't it a paradox? victory in surrender :)

[Mockingbird]

you just coined an elucidating aphorism! i love it : )

[m.s.early]

i wish......

[Delmar Cooper]

First I liked the poem, considered it good writing that makes sense and is relevant. Second I felt "benevolent palanquin" was contrived to fit the music.

[m.s.early]

I think that line is worth me revisiting. Thank you Delmar. :)

[m.s.early]

Did away with palanquin altogether... thank you for your honesty and suggestion... i believe it is complete now

[m.s.early]

I feel led to express how grateful I am for the contributions my fellows have made on this work. Restoration - Part I (easily broken) became an introduction once i mis-typed Sami's name while thanking him for the review.

I was writing from my phone and what I meant to write "thank you sami" was auto-corrected to "thank you sanity" which Sami promptly suggested should be the title for a poem. Excellent idea, don't you think?

I suppose Part I was still residual in my mind. Suddenly I was aware how grateful the narrator had become of his present state of mind. The evil in his soul had been conquered and replaced with a restoration to sanity.

Thank you all for the invaluable critiques. You've blessed me! Keep it coming :)

[Sami Khalil]

It is our pleasure...Inspiration comes in so many forms, people and places. You have done an excellent work...This should be published in a magazine...No pun intended...:)............

[Shaun Payton]

If I could critique it with a constructive idea I would, I just dont see one to offer. I thought this a powerful writing. It does sound like a defining of restoration. One line second to last, "and once I lost the fear that kept me coward" Is a subject here being called a coward? if not this line needs an adaptation. 'That kept me a coward?' Other than that Its an amazing read Xavier

[m.s.early]

Thank you so much for pointing that out it should have been written cowered! That was a typing error on my part part. Thank you for pointing it out.

Thank you for this critique!

[Shaun Payton]

ok I was thinking cowering would work best. You are welcome xavier:)

[m.s.early]

This group critiquing is making me giddy! Thanks so much! I like it. The floor is still open lol...

[Shaun Payton]

lol I try to spot them best I can. I read so much sometimes the eyes miss things