Onward Through Winter Night

Fantasy.

It is so cold. There is nobody around. The snow is so thick, and I have no choice but to push forward. I see black trees. Their black branches pierce the grey night sky. It is littered with dark clouds and the moon is like a solitary eye without a pupil watching me suspiciously. I am alone. There is a feeling gnawing away at my insides. It is the feeling of knowing my existence is void of meaning. I have been exiled from my kingdom. Never again will I feel the warmth of the torch fire within its walls, and never again will I feel the warmth of the flesh of whom I love. The one whom I called my darling would rather have me die in the darkness of the forest than lay eyes upon me again. Death seems so certain. I may starve, freeze, or be devoured by a ferocious ice creature. Regardless of how my death shall manifest, it shall be a mere blessing to salvage me from my anguish.

 

The despair is colder than the snow. At times I bear not the strength to tread, and I fall to my knees in the fallen white. I gazed up at the moon and its passing white clouds. Perhaps they were spirits, tormented and restless, wandering aimlessly throughout the night, as I was. I ran my hands through my hair, gripping it tight as my arms trembled. I felt the tears coming. I shut my eyes hard, feeling the internal organs clench, and I sobbed, as sorrow fell upon me like an avalanche. My knees were stinging from the cold, but I cared not. I wanted my darling. I was so sorry. Maybe she would stride through the moonlit woods and lift me from the ground. I would feel her warm touch, and it would render me immune to the snow. I would turn, see her, and feel her wrap her arms around me. I hoped for that moment, but a haunting voice in my heart told me it would never come, and I wept harder. She would never say the words, “I will never leave you.” She would never say the words, “I will always love you.” I was doomed to walk the earth unloved until death was kind enough to take me.

 

What a blessing it would be to feel and remember nothing. I took my hands out of my hair and turned around. I saw the silver kingdom there, shining as if its walls were made from the hands of gods. The place where I was born is the place in which I am welcome no longer. I have nothing but the clothing on my icy skin. How could this happen? The king’s most trusted advisor killed the queen, blamed me for her death, and the king quite gullibly believed him. The advisor could bear not knowing that the princess was closer to me than him. Now I must suffer for his treachery. I gazed about the emptiness of the shadowy wood, trying to determine if there were any other night wanderers abroad. Perhaps then, my loneliness would subside for a mere moment.

 

Suddenly, I realized that one of the trees to my right was fallen, and there appeared to be something under it. I saw the arms and legs of an animal. It was a white wolf. Instinctively, I arose from the snow and approached it. I came to the animal and looked at its face. Its eyes were open. I could not discern if it was alive or not. I got down on my left knee and placed my right hand on the beast, and as I made contact, the creature blinked, and I felt a sudden shock. I became determined to release this poor wolf from its obstruction. I rose to a stance, hunched over, and took hold of the bark from the bottom with both hands. I inhaled deeply and pulled up as hard as I could. The tree was lifted. I moved it away from the beast and dropped it onto the white earth. I scurried to the animal and tried to lift it up to its feet. I feared not that it would harm me, as it appeared too weak to do so. It was off its side and it struggled to lift itself up completely, but eventually, it succeeded.

 

It looked up at me, and I could see its exquisite eyes in the luna light. In this moment, I felt like I had accomplished something. This wolf had some serious misfortune to be under a tree as it was descending. It must have fallen during the brief lightning storm that occurred recently. Without my efforts, this animal would have been doomed to die. It was a miracle it was alive at all. Nevertheless, this brings me to the realization that my existence can still have positive influence in this world. There may be numerous life forms right now that could benefit from my actions. If there are, I may very well come to them like I came to the wolf. I see no likelihood of anyone coming forth from the far regions of the earth pleading for my aid. I will simply walk the earth and keep myself breathing until I come to the awareness of a soul in need.

 

 Where shall I venture to now? There should be a village somewhere on the other end of the forest. I could seek refuge from the cold and regain my strength. After awhile the wolf gained momentum and began walking in the direction of the kingdom. I unfortunately could not follow it, but as I looked upon the wolf, I felt a surge of inspiration. After this poor elegant beast has been inadvertently crushed, he still carried on. I will carry on too. The king and the princess may want nothing to do with me, but this is a vast world. Simply because I am not welcome in one portion does not mean every other portion will be restricted to me. I nodded to the wolf, admiring it for its strength, and turned around.

 

There was a war going on between my friend’s kingdom and the infamous strangers. I could join my friend’s army and help his kingdom survive the onslaught of the outsiders. I have never fought in war before, but I was not averse to the idea of doing so. I was willing to risk my own death in war. It could be for a good cause, and I would have much honor fighting for that cause. The kingdom could benefit from my service and I would not have to suffer a lack of fulfillment from idle hands, and if death arises, I shall be known for my courage. Word has reached my ears of these outsiders and their merciless brutality. I would need to undergo extensive training to be competent enough to vanquish them in combat. No matter. I could put the fury I have built up from my exile to good use. I could imagine the glory of reigning triumphant from a raging battle. I could imagine myself standing atop a hill with a sword in hand chanting “victory” as the sun was breaking upon the red plains. I felt promise in my future. I felt a rush of hope pulsate through my veins. It may last a few minutes. It may last a few years. Regardless of how long it lasts, I cherished it in the present. It gave me the volition to remain a living entity.

 

I treaded through the fallen snow, pushing ever onward in freedom and moonlight. What shall transpire for the rest of the night? I was prepared for anything, and not even the stinging cold of winter night could render me powerless. Suddenly, I heard a howl. I perceived it coming from behind me. I turned around. I detected no life form amidst the blackness of the bark and the whiteness of the snow. I had a vivid idea of the source of the sound, and as I stood, I put on a slight smirk, because I realized I was not alone.