In the Dusk

There are simple moments when we couldn't avoid how our heart betrays our own thoughts.

"Why are you still here?"

Erika could only grip the pen, turning her knuckles white as she stands before him. How will she explain to him that somebody played a prank on her by hiding her bag somewhere she couldn't find? And she has been haplessly looking for it since dismissal time until dusk came, turning the entire school building like one of  Japan's seven school urban legends she never failed to hear from her classmates.

Slowly, she turns towards the wide crystal window that shows the vast expanse of sky melting into hues of crimson and purple however, the sight of it only heightens her worry as she would still need to go home before dinner.

Gulping down the lump in her throat, she turns down, biting the corner of her lips as she thinks hard of what she must do.Wordlessly, she scanned her surroundings, silently praying for a miracle to happen.

And there he stood before her, as if the answer to her prayer molded into a form, accompanied by the ecstatic thumping of her heart.She never expects to see him walking along the hollow hall, seeing her flustered face as she dreadfully turns to every corner of the room just to look for her bag.

"I - I'm currently looking for my bag," she stammers, green eyes cast down as she feels his height looming over her.

At that time, she couldn't stopped her heart from beating so hard. In the first place, she has never been good with guys. It has always been awkward for her to talk with them, especially this person named Hiro. 

Hiro Jones is her complete opposite. He is the epitome of happiness. There is always that bright smile plastered on his handsome face. Smart, athletic, friendly - it seems people never get tired of following him. 

"Ahm... Prank played against you?" a deep sigh escapes him, shuffling on his feet as he scratches the back of his head. "Isn't that already too much? And just look at how late it is already." Hiro creases his brow, turning once more to the long, amber colored haired Erika. 
Erika Reeds - an introvert person who doesn't seem to open her mouth whenever people surround her. During class, she tends to sit herself away from the others, her green eyes would wander towards the window, quietly watching how the Sakura would rustle against the gentle wind, and would flutter the petals on the ground every five centimeters per second.

Unconsciously, his eyes drift towards the crystal glass window and inwardly groans at the last shaft of dusk creeping away from the horizon. It's better to help her than to leave like this. He ponders, weighing down the studies he will need to accomplish as he doesn't have time to stay in the school library since there were a lot of people who fussed around him earlier. 

He slips his left hand inside his pocket, turning his gaze back to the person that almost reach his shoulders. Slim-built, with a pair of deep-set green eyes clouded of apprehension that tend to roam around, refusing to meet him, round and smooth face framed in her long, straight amber hair. 

"I... I wasn't aware of the time as well so, um... If you don't mind, I-I'll go ahead and look for my bag. E-Excuse me," Erika quickly bows before him, refusing to meet his eyes and rushes by him in a jiffy. 

"Wait."

It is all so sudden that his right hand grabs her arm, halting her down. Hesitantly, she turns to him, a frown drawn on her smooth face. "Fine. I'll help you look for it," he finally decides, beaming a toothy grin to her. 

Erika couldn't answer him right away as she never expected him to spare a sliver of his time to a person like her.

"B-But I will just bother you with - "

"Don't say that," he gently cuts her, giving her a gentle squeeze on the arm before releasing his grasp.

"We need to help each other and I can't allow a lady to stay here all by herself," he says in a soft voice, before gathering a lungful of air, then turning his back against her.

"Now, where do you think did they kept your bag? It should be in our classroom, right? Geez... They really don't know how to treat girls properly." Hiro's lips set into a thin line, quietly thinking how people could just easily play on others, without any tinge of remorse in their hearts.

Erika clutches the only remaining thing left on her, completely ignoring a strange sensation crawling to her cheeks up to the tips of her ears. Is this the feeling they experience when they talk to one of those popular people at school? She wonders, as her stomach tightens into a knot. 

'It could be... How strange...' 

Her innocent mind thought with a faint smile upon her lips as she follows him, quietly watching his broad frame and dark locks bath in the fading crimson light.

Hiro glances at the window and watches her reflection, meekly curling a faint smile upon her thin lips. 

'So, she could also smile like that...'  

He muses to himself, stifling a chuckle as he doesn't want to cut the silence enveloping them.
Outside, the sky slowly turns dark purple, brushing away what little streaks of light left from the golden afternoon. Below the darkening dusk, two souls quietly wander around, deep in thought and muffled with their own heartbeat, neither aware how time flies so fast.
However, they only know that they are deep...

...In the dusk.

Reviews

[Schatzi]

Hi TheMalady,

Is it just me or is there a manga feel to your writing style? It could just be me because I am a huge fan of manga/anime. Regardless, I enjoyed your writing very much. The story was very romantic and had a playful innocence to it that was very pleasing. The last bit was very powerful. I like your descriptions--very vivid imagery. Great job!

Thanks for sharing.

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[TheMalady]

Hi Schatzi!

I am so glad knowing that you've taken your precious time to read and review my story. I really appreciate it. I am glad as well that you find this pleasing. :)

[Lavorther]

Your writing style is almost poetic and is very pleasant to read. The way you describe things like the sunset is just so... lively. You may have said you thought you could learn something from my writing, but this is one of the things I can learn from you. That just goes to show everyone has their own things they're good at.

I liked how you this is third person from the perspective of an observer, who knows what goes through the minds of both the characters. Usually I tend to limit the observer to only know the protagonist's thoughts and emotions, but your way works pretty well for this story.

I was so immersed in the story I forgot to take notes on what to improve. The only thing I've written down is this:

"Hiro Jones is his complete opposite."
As you were describing Erika before this, shouldn't it be "her complete opposite"?

[TheMalady]

Thank you very much for reading! I really appreciate your time for reviewing this one. I really like to write in the third person, I'm not comfortable with the first person, however I will try to work out on it.

Oh yes, I just realized it now. Thank goodness you have keen eyes. I'm very grateful for this. Thanks a lot! :)

[Lalochezia]

I like that you have set this story in the present as it brings everything closer to the reader. However, you alternative between past and present tense from time to time.

I spotted two typos:
"... And THAT she had been haplessly  looking..."
"his height looming over HER"

You have a good style; for instance:
"melting into hues of crimson and purple"
or
"strange sensation crawling to her cheeks up to the tips of her ears"

[TheMalady]

Thank you very much for pointing this out. I missed that again. Thank you again. I revise this right away. Thank you for the time you have spared to review my work. It means a lot to me. I really want to improve my craft. I will need to sharpen my mind about tenses, too. haha :) Thanks again! :)

[TheMalady]

Gosh... I just realized the pronoun. O_O. Geez... Thanks for spotting that one. XD