A Narrow World

What will you say to a person who refuses to see both sides?

"Shut up! I don't want to listen to you. You're pissing me off."

Helen turned a deaf ear to her blonde classmate and angrily averted away from her. Everyone turned mute as two people stood in the middle of the classroom; it pulled the curious nature of people into its vortex of intense wrangle. The earlier hubbub that filled the place had now ceased and only two voices seared the silence, competing against each other akin to a diva.

The squabbled voices haunted the silence with the hot theme: anime fandom. No one could deny the this heated discussion was childish, immature, so unladylike for two grown-up ladies but in fact, people seemed to think otherwise.

       The world had changed. So as the minds of some people who were caught up in this wave of global change.

     Helen was over the top of her kind when it came to her fandom, however, Darlene loved it until yesterday, when she grew tired to listen at her friend's endless chitchat.

       The tide had turned and Darlene talked against it.

"Why? What's wrong with reading that blog? They said that is one of the top three worse fandoms because of the fans spewing ill-words -"

"If you're a true fan, you will not read that kind of s**t. Why bother reading them anyway?" Helen sharply cut her off, as she stormed towards her table filled of books and papers arranged in a methodical way.

         Silence.

       For the first time, Darlene was filled with dread and terror at the sudden outburst of her friend's intense feelings. She knew her to be calm, graceful, polite and kind - until a few seconds ago.

        The two of them were close - weren't they?

"The point? So you could see both sides? Hello, what is wrong with reading it? Don't you have an open mind?" Darlene continued with a hard face, easing herself down on her own table cleared of any books and papers compared to her friend, Helen. She was trying to make sense of the situation, at least; but her gut feeling told her otherwise.

         The instant she talked against the topic was the moment she stepped on a land mine.

"If I don't want to read it, don't force me. Can you respect that?" Helen said seethed with anger, her face turned red as she opened her book.

 Troy, the dark brown haired jock, seated at Helen's right side could only stared at the two ladies, clear blue eyes filled with curiosity and confusion at the sudden clashed of the two close friends.

Rona, a dark haired lady beside Darlene opened her mouth and then closed it immediately. Green eyes glinted of amusement at the two ladies who disturbed the normalcy of their setting.

The red haired Jess frowned, amber eyes turned towards the two who took their seats. 

"Why? It's just reading. I don't see why you need to be so angry about it. Are you, perhaps, taking this personally?" her friend urged her, narrowing her eyes towards the dark haired lady whilst her back towards her. 

"Personally! Respect that!" she yelled, her hands gripped hard the folder which almost crumpled the poor report she made a couple of hours ago.

"Fine. I asked the wrong person. However, if you have cooled down your head, try to open up your mind to a greater world. You have to have an open mind about it, anyway," Darlene sighed. Slowly, she turned back to her table, pulled out her book and opened to the page that she had bookmarked earlier.

She sat and started on a new chapter.

       On that day, a heavy silence hung between the two friends despite of the murmurs and whispers that echoed throughout the sunny classroom. Darlene just can't seem to understand why her friend was too absorbed with her anime fandom. Yes. She used to love it, however, she had a balanced mind and seen the right and wrong of it. And her friend Helen - she had completely closed her mind to a greater world. 

Or was it her?

  

 -TheMalady

Author's Note

Geez... I want to share this scene to you guys. Anyone who can relate? Feedback's are always welcome! :)

Reviews

[Bethsinitaly]

I think the previous review covered grammar and editing to preserve flow and I agree that self editing takes practice my own included! :) so I will concentrate my review on the content and feel of the story itself. I think you convey the feel of the class room well and also the jumble of emotions wrapped up in the dialogue of the warring friends. I was never much of an anime fan when I was a young girl (it wasn't really readily available when I was growing up) but I can relate to the conflicted feelings and angst that you portray so well here and that are, without a doubt, a big part of growing up...especially for young girls :) Don't lose heart you are moving in the right direction and in time with practice it will all come together...ive been writing for many years and have a journalism degree and I can say quite honestly that I am still learning and developing as a writer both in style and presentation :) keep at it!!

[TheMalady]

Aw, thanks a lot, Bethsinitaly! Your words will inspire me to improve myself on writing, especially on editing. I must say that it isn't very easy and I missed a lot when I'm proofreading my work. I'm learning a lot here in writerscafe. This place is a training ground. :)

[Aurafiex]

Okay, story-wise, you might want to be more specific about the fandom, either to sway the reader towads either side of the argument between the two characters. Either a controversial (furry, kids cartoon) fandom or a popular anime?

Language wise, I've noticed some grammar issues. Well, I'm no expert on grammar theory but some parts just don't flow well.

[TheMalady]

Thanks for the review! I'll try to work this out. I'll fix this up. Thanks again! Feedback is greatly appreciated. :)

[Lalochezia]

Not being a popculture fan I can't really relate to the topic. One thing about the language, however: you change between past and present tense from time to time; in particular in the last paragraph. To me it sounds a little off.

However, you get the emotions very well across. I always struggle with that.

[TheMalady]

I am really lousy when it comes to tenses. I'll work this out to improve the story. Thanks a lot for pointing this out! :)

[Kaliope]

Actually Archos already mentioned my main issue with this text: it doesn't feel quite realistic. The teachers don't seem like adult women to me, they feel like teenage girls. I'm not saying that grown up women can't like anime - hell, I'm a woman in my forties and I'm a(n occasionally squealing) fan(girl) of more geeky franchises than I care to admit (but I do have a geeky job as well, so that's a bit of an excuse ;-)) Yet if you want me to take these characters seriously and to accept that they are competent as teachers, you have to show me that they can behave like grown-ups first, before they reveal their more playful/excitable/fanatic side.
You also mentioned that you didn't want to reveal the specific fandom you had in mind and thus kept it deliberately vague. Well, that's the beauty of being a writer, isn't it? We make stuff up :-D Invent a fandom that doesn't exist, so no one can be offended and you can still be more specific.

Cheers,

Kali

[TheMalady]

Haha, really? That's really interesting. I think I will also add some habit in this story so it would appear more personal. Haha. Okay, but now, I changed the job of the two ladies. I will keep in mind about that. I will try my hands in this kind of writing and hopefully, I could grasp it in a short time. I am missing some points as well, that's why it's not so realistic. Thanks for the review! I will try to work out on this. This will really help me a lot! :) Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it. :)

[Archos]

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you would choose teachers for this kind of a discussion. It just doesn't work together at all. Try to work more with the characters and the choice of setting. I like the idea of open-mindedness, though.

[TheMalady]

Actually, this is true. Haha, there are some teachers who are like this. That's why I did this. Anyway, I will try to improve more with the setting. As well as with the characters as well. Thanks a lot for the feedback! I'll keep this in mind! :)

[Archos]

This is actually something I read about recently. In writing, although some may have happened in real life, what matters more is if what you write about is realistic, not real. Although, the extraordinary events and characters are what makes writing interesting, of course. Still, I believe that a certain amount of credibility is necessary - unless you are INTENDING to write something absurd, which, if done well, can be very enjoyable. (I can't help but mention a book called Master and Margarita at this point)

[TheMalady]

I see. I'll try to look for that one. You've got a point. I will need to reconsider this short story and reconstruct it. BTW, can you please review again? I need your honest opinion of some areas I need to work on to, especially the characters. Thanks again for reviewing! :)

[Archos]

Firstly, I LOVE the way you've just converted it into an office conversation. I can see you have no trouble working with your writing. Also, I like the first paragraph setting the atmosphere. However, I will have to insist that this is a dialogue of two teenage girls performed by adult women, which simply doesn't feel right. If you want the characters to be adults, choose an adult topic (or the characters for this kind of conversation). And perhaps try to listen to a similar conversation in a real life situation and notice the different ways of expressing oneself by people of different age groups.

[TheMalady]

Alright, I get your point. It's kind of awkward for two office mates to yell like that and then talk childish things. I will change it again. Haha. Thanks again for reviewing.I really really appreciate it! Thanks :)

[BThomvanWart]

Okay! I think this is definitely shaped up and revamped! And anime fandom? Plot Twist! Haha. I love it! It definitely has more crisp edges than before and the edits you've made are definitely spot on! I like that you expanded, but still left some illusive points for the reader to think about! And teaching? Now that's a plot twist in itself that I absolutely adore! Keep up the great work, Malady! :)

And as for it being realistic? I think it's a good start. I could definitely see a pair of friends reacting like this and you've scaled back Helen's reactions so it definitely has more life like quality!

[TheMalady]

Thanks a lot! Yep. Do you think I still need to describe the characters more so they would appear more realistic? Like their appearance, attitude, habits? What do you say? I think people will find this a bit insulting because I used the profession, Teacher? Gosh... Now, I'm scared.

[BThomvanWart]

People - as in anyone who would take offense to it - need to stop. Don't worry about that! My best friend is going to college to become an english teacher. Wanna know what she loves? Fantasy novels and video games. She even watches anime. My other bestie is becoming an art teacher. He adores anime and manga. People need to not think so hard about societal norms because they're not norms. Teachers are people. People pursue interests that they enjoy. People are not robots. Unless someone wants to reiterate why iRobot was such a terrifying possibility of our future!

Anyway...Sure, you could definitely add more to the character's appearances. I would say, given that this appears to be a scene or skit and rather not a full length story, developing more habits and attitude than is already present would be difficult. y'know? We know Helen is into keeping things organized what with her desk being meticulously kept. And Darlene is most likely laid-back considering her desk is practically bare! But, if you feel as though your charas need more depth, go for it Malady!

[TheMalady]

Oh my gosh. Really? I used to like anime, but I guess I've grown out of it? haha, I admit that my obsession to it was unhealthy, so I decided to grow up, however, I still like read and watch them, but not those smutty ones. You know the genre of anime, sometimes they are not so healthy.

I also did a fanfic, but really, that is a thing a of a past now. I don't want to do it anymore because it's rather unhealthy for me. It made my head cramped and my creativity limited since I can only stick to the characters - and if you ever did changed, others would complain. Sigh. Really, I just thought I don't belong there.

I'll try to expand the characters more. And I changed the job as well as the settings. Hopefully, nobody think negatively of teachers. :D

[BThomvanWart]

Yes! I can completely get behind the subject of this scene! Haha. It's terrible when popculture can intervene in a friendship! Although, I noticed a few things on my way through. First, at one point you refer to Helen as Helena. Was this intended? Or perhaps you wanted her name to be Helena? I just thought I'd point that out! Second, some of the wording and grammar is slightly off or in the wrong -tense. Is the scene currently going on? Is it a past memory after, perhaps, Darlene got home and poured a glass of wine and thought about it? Third, some of Helen's actions are definitely over the top, but that's not my point! My point is that some of her actions, in the scope of writing, don't line up properly with the proceeding action. If that doesn't make sense, what I'm referring to is this: ""Personally! Respect that!" she yelled, her hands gripped hard the folders that almost crumpled the poor article." What was the article? Why did she grab folders? What line of work is this whole thing taking place in? An article being crumpled makes me think it's taking place in some kind of Newspaper or Journalism business? Or maybe you meant it as the article from the blog they're talking about?

I also think, while I know you probably wanted this to be universal and easily adjustable to all fandoms, that including a specified fandom might fill it out better and make it more crisp. Sure, we can allude to certain things while having a dialogue with someone, but writing a whole piece on alluding to a rather large subject that further breaks down into subcategories can make the entire piece lose meaning. Do you see what I'm getting at, Malady?

I hope this helps! ~B

[TheMalady]

Actually, I don't want to be specific with the fandom. It's rather scary if someone might discover this writing so I'm keeping it ambiguous. However, I'll try to think of another way to clear this up. Yeah, I forgot about Helen. Thanks for pointing this out. I am really lousy at names and I forgot to elaborate with the working place. Your feedback is really helpful! I just did this a while ago so I haven't reviewed this thoroughly. I really don't want to mention a certain fandom, because you know, they are not that really nice if they read this. I gotta be careful. haha. Thanks for the review! This is very helpful! I'll edit right away! :)

[BThomvanWart]

Of course! I understand your reasoning for not wanting to point out a specific fandom. And it's your work, I would never demand you alter your work just to accommodate me! If you think it's fine in that respect, then I accept it, too. ^.^

[TheMalady]

Yeah. I just wanted to share this. But in the future, if I am so brave enough, then I'll do that. Haha. By the way, I just edit it. You know what, I will really need to work out on the tenses. I think I'm hungry that's why my mind is not working well. Really, food from food chains are not healthy. It's just making me hungry. Can you please review you this? Please be honest with the comments. I want it to be realistic as possible. Don't worry, I have an open mind. :)