Wrath

Another old story. I just can't believe I did this.

          

He walks down the dark aisle with a heart as dark as the night. Outside the twilight is deepening, the loud crash of the thunder echoes from the distance. Flashes of lightning crosses the darkness and immediately, the sky pour down its ravaging storm. He continues to tread the dark path before him. He promised he would and so it will be. The bitter ties between them shall end tonight for the promise to fulfill.

          The beginning has been light-hearted and of joy, but as the time continues to move its hand, he realize his mistakes. His heart has been forgiving and generous for the past years, however, not tonight. “I promised you... I will avenge your death. Tonight your soul shall rest in peace...” the voice continues to speak in his mind. He feels strong; the blood rushing through his vein makes him alive. At last, a light finally ended the darkness of his journey. He stops and listens to the sound around him, but only the ravaging storm that is slashing its wrath outside could be heard.

          “This is the end...” and he walks towards the light with an impregnable will.

          On that place he finally meets him, his friend and foe, his light and his darkness, his peace of mind and doubt. The person with its back facing him stood up in the stairs. He was facing the open balcony with the wind and rain against his face.

          “You finally came,” he said with a calm voice. The anger of the sky reverberates throughout the hollow room where the two figures were. “I never thought the time will come that we will end up as bitter foes. Now, do what you are supposed to do, Kou,” and he slowly turns to face his nemesis. He spread his arms with a smile on his face. His face that never shows any resentment and regret. Kou feels the blood within him flow, quick as the lightning against the velvet sky, his impulses guides him towards his arms,  searing his heart with the weapon on his hands. He feels the instant warm liquid splash against him, the red blood trickling down on his fingers and cheeks.

          “I can only give you freedom from your hatred, Kou... I will not allow you to be in my place… I will continue…” his voice echoes through the room, drowning in the lashing sound of the storm outside. The cold wind and the icy water dampens Kou’s face, but his arms feels warm. “I can never forgive you, Kyou... even in the afterlife... I can never...” he feels the warm fluid on his cheeks. The arms of his enemy embracing him made him shiver and surprisingly lonely.

          “Kou... I will follow your heart in the afterlife...”

          The sky outside is dark as before. The storm finally cease at midnight. He stands up with eyes that hold bitterness. His face and hands are bloody-dirty. He could only allow the rain to wash away everything.  

Author's Note

(This is actually the prologue part. A thriller of the story.) Please do tell me if there are any improvements needed? Anything. Thanks a lot! :) A penny for your thoughts! :)

Reviews

[Kaliope]

An interesting scene, full of big emotions and opulent visuals. Imagery and dialog reminded me a lot of manga/anime style, and after reading your short bio I assume that's no coincidence ;-)

Regarding the story: I don't know whether you borrowed these characters from an existing franchise or whether they are your own creation, but I would have liked to learn a little more about them, e.g. what they look like, distinct mannerisms, etc. because right now I have difficulties telling them apart. Even their names are similar.

Grammar: keep an eye on your verbs, there were a few subject-verb agreement errors (singular/plural discrepancies) and you keep switching between present and past tense. Try to keep it consistent.

To summarize: Due to the vivid imagery it was easy to form the pictures in my mind and it was fun to read. Good job!

Cheers,

Kali

[TheMalady]

Thank you so much! This is actually my own characters. And this story, I made this a very long time ago when I just wanted to try on writing a story, so I am actually expecting a lot of mistakes here.

I believe you. My mistake is always with the tenses. Though, I have to start working on this to fix my errors. This is actually a prologue. I still have the copy of the whole story, though it's unfinished.

Thank you again for reviewing this story. I will start revising this and add some details. I just want to know of what areas I should be working on so I could have goals for this work. Anyway, thank you very much! Your review is very much appreciated! I believe that I have a lot of things to learn! Thanks for pointing this out! :)

[Solar]

'quick as the lightning against the velvet sky' - wow! Malady - that is such a beautiful image.

The two characters/aspects, the atmosphere of storm, the back-story reference and the confrontation make this a striking and dramatic story.

[TheMalady]

Thanks a lot, Solar! I'm very happy that it's in your liking. :)