Why The Sky Bleeds

A short story I've written many moons and suns ago. I'm glad I found it.

It was as if the wind whispered everything to her... somehow, she knew why the sky during afternoon turns bloody red. So red, it already sore her eyes... his eyes because of that bloody valentine he caused her. He'll pay twice... never letting him see the dawn's light again... for eternity. 

The sky just turned bloody red. Elena thought of going home already since she believes that the sky is bleeding. Bleeding because of man's sins and that, the sky is tormented of their wickedness. It scared her. It made her filled with dread if the sky might rain of blood. It was pathetic of her to believed such a derision idea. However, she had come to embraced it like her mind, for it was her grandmother, who told her that since she was only five years old.

Gripping hard her books closer to her chest, she made a run on the narrow street wounding towards her home. Striding under the immense and shady canopies of Maple trees casting their eerie shadows sent a shiver down her spine. Swiftly, she ran, completely ignoring the creepy sensation, believing that her grandmother will always welcome her once she gets home.

Strong, charming, and ancient - the two-story, cream-colored house with two plate crystal windows on either side, both up and down, and a dark mahogany slide door as its mouth filled her milky emerald green eyes. Green ivies clothed the cream wall like an evening dress with accents of bright violet blue morning glories in its sea of greeneries.

Noiselessly, she slipped herself inside, going straight to her grandmother's room just on the upper floor. It is a room of magic and wonder. A room of ancient relics - of pure heaven - her emerald green eyes glistened of joy as she gazes at those delicate china wares of all sorts: caricature unicorn, cups, ducks, cats, dogs, swans - and a plenty that she cannot name. However, of all those precious treasure, her heart only belonged to the translucent cherub, scarcely the size of her palm. 

It was of pure crystal. Her eyes yearned to feast all over it like her beloved. And it was from her mother. A mother that she will never meet again.

The moments were golden whenever her supple fingers brush the fragile and smooth contour of the cherub. Her heart fluttered, a soft, warm sensation spreading throughout her being like the morning sun. 

The cherub soon became her peace. The silence in her stormy mind. A comfort in her mourning soul. A smile on her blue days.

It was her secret sanctuary. No one knew it - even her own loving grandmother.

The room was empty as she invited herself in at her grandmother's room. Brain weary and tormented of her day's struggle, her heart and soul longed for peace and comfort by seeking the gentle cherub. Quietly, all alone, she gently took the precious gift in her arms. 

She cradled it, as if her babe - softly, drawing down the curtains of her soul as her heart melts down upon its gentle touch. How could she not, when it is the only reminder of her dear mother? She had taken refuge of her loneliness by clinging to her beloved. How her whole being simmered down as she held it as her own. 

How sudden she held the cherub and part from it, when the wooden floor creaked. Carefully, she returned the dearest cherub to its rightful place, fearful that she might be seen, and her little tryst with the former might end.

But her heart yearned for it. And her yearning grew to desire as she started to sneaked into her grandmother's room, snatching it away and return it before dawn's awakening. She became a slave of her own emotion. It was now Heart over Reason. 

Out of reverence, gathering all of her courage and drawing in a lungful of air, she had confessed her heart's desire to her grandmother. The heavens seemed to smile at her as the old woman granted her wish.

"Promise to take care of it, Elena. Remember, she is the only heirloom your mother left for us. Do not break it... Do not break your Mother's memory," she said in an ancient, croaking voice.

"I won't, grandma. I won't..." she had pledged, her body trembling of excitement as her only wish had been granted.

Elena became the epitome of happiness in the Earth. Her joy knows no boundaries. It feels as though Fate has been by her side, always smiling at her.

But the sky soon turned red without her noticed.

The hands of Fate turned against her - now a scowling form no longer her friend - a form of flesh and blood, a man, who she does not know all her life had taken away her greatest happiness.

The evening slithered its way throughout the horizon - however, it was all blood; its gaunt fingers clawing away the grains of light. Below his brooding face, Elena happily hops under the scrawny fingers of the Maple trees, silently leering at her hapless kismet.

She was a ball of happiness, of complete fortune bursting inside of her as she held the fragile cherubim until - 

Silver tears - hot and almost suffocate her as her heart tightens, her stomach churned at the sight of the crest scattered about her. 

"...Do not break it... Do not break your Mother's memory," she said in an ancient, croaking voice.

Crumpled.

No more than the rest of sands and stones around her - the fragile cherubim became part of the earth. 

Her heart joined the shattered soul of her dearest cherubim. The world smirks at her. 

'Naive!' 

And she dropped on her knees, begging for Time to pity her.

"Oh, sorry. I did not see you. It such a waste your crystal shattered. I'll replace it for you if you don't mind..." the man comforted her.

His words were daggers endlessly slashing her heart into pieces. 

Replace it? How could you easily replace it?

It was as if the wind whispered everything to her... somehow, she knew why the sky during afternoon turns bloody red. So red, it already sore her eyes... his eyes because of that bloody valentine he caused her. He'll pay twice... never letting him see the dawn's light again... for eternity. 

'Yes, he shall pay.' 

Fate is cruel. 

And so is she. Gathering all the anger raging within her, her spasmodic hands scratched against the earth, the crystal splintered her flesh, drawing out her blood as her payment for vengeance.

Red.

She saw red. 

The accursed color red surrounded her, like a shadow drowning her whole being.

Just like the sky that turned red, she clenched her hands hard, gripping it until her knuckles were ashen white. Her chest heaved deeply, a billowing storm in her heart, that in a blink of the man's eyes immediately saw how the stars surged straight to him. 

In the far corners of the Earth, a bloodcurdling howl echoes throughout the bloody sky. However, Elena's lips curl into a sweet grin as silver streaks of dew drip down on her pallor cheeks now mottled of red.

Red.

Now, she knew why for her, the sky turned red. But the man will never see it, unlike her.

Author's Note

Hello! Can you please share your thoughts regarding this one? I need constructive criticism! Thank you! :)

Reviews

[Sanhorsey]

The emotions are described quite well. However some improvements in prose and grammar would be good. Take a look at the following:
1. The sky just turned bloody red. I think blood red would be better.
2. Do not break your Mother's memory," she said in an ancient, croaking voice. I think 'in an ancient croak,' would sound better.
3. Gripping hard her books closer to her chest, she made a run on the narrow street wounding towards her home. Winding its way towards her home would be more appropriate.
4. Striding under the immense and shady canopies of Maple trees casting their eerie shadows sent a shiver
down her spine. You seem to be repeating the same thing twice. Either remove shady canopies or eerie shadows. You could say it like this. Striding under the eerie shadows cast by the immense canopies of the maple trees sent shivers running down her spine.
Similarly there are a few other changes which can be made.
Apart from that, what you wrote is wonderful and I was gripped by it. So keep it up! And good luck!

[TheMalady]

Thanks a lot, Sanhorsey! I am very glad for your review, I'll immediately take these suggestions to modify the story. I'm also glad that this story gripped your interest! :)

[Solar]

One is drawn in by the energy of the writing and its visuals, a crash and crashing of crystal and horror unleashed!

[TheMalady]

Thanks a lot! Your time for reading this is appreciated. I'm quite flattered by your words, it will motivate me further to write. Thanks a lot for the review! :)

[Solar]

You are welcome - keep writing!

[Zyle Christian William ..]

Green ivies clothed the cream wall like an evening dress I like this sentence.

"Promise to take care of it, Elena. Remember, she is the only heirloom your mother left for us. Do not break it... Do not break your Mother's memory," she said in an ancient, croaking voice.


"I will, grandma. I will..." she had pledged, her body trembling of excitement as her only wish had been granted.

I think you mean, "I won't, grandma, I wont."

I thought this to be an interesting piece, somber with a twinge of horror. I was told once that I should work to take the word was out of all of my sentences to make it more active and less passive. Maybe that could be something you would find useful?

For example: All around her was the color of red.
This could be turned into an active sentence by removing was: The color red surrounded her OR
All around her, the color red demanded it's presence be known, engulfing all else. something like that

On the whole, I love the short story and the cliff hanger! This was definitely an interesting read! I hope my comments help!

[TheMalady]

Oh... Thanks a lot! This is really helpful! I will definitely take your advice! This is much better!

Thanks a lot for reading this! Your review is very helpful. :)

[Zyle Christian William Cook]

No problem! :) I find your writing magnetic!

[TheMalady]

Haha, thanks a lot once more! :)