Out of the Mouth of a Wounded Heart

5th Place Winner -- http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Bent-Not-Broken/51970/

I've always been told that being

in love could be real,

could be safe,

be honest.

But I've realized they both lied

and every time pushes the knife deeper

deeper to break the trust,

break the relationship,

then themselves.

What was this point and lying behind the pain?

They only feel the guilt of it...

But of the lying or the hurting of this victim.

Hurting their perspective,

their heart.

Their stomach refuses to eat and

their lungs refuse to release the pressure over

the bleeding of the heart in hopes of saving the innocent

of love,

and life.

But in the end its the wounded heart's

choice, decision, commitment, to pick

between pain or poison. She feels its the

hearts choice to confess,

to love,

or to break.

Author's Note

I'm trying poetry for size and I want to know what you think, if you see a mistake point it out and why cause I've tried use certain words to highlight the situation.

Reviews

[ranscan]

The wonder of poetry is that you can choose the form and make it fit as you like. The challenge can be in your own satisfaction with how it looks and feels, does it work. I applaud your theme and how you have chosen to express it, the imagery is powerful. Its not possible to point out a mistake, I can only express an opinion, subjective suggestions which I hope are constructive and you may feel are helpful. There is a variance in line count between the first and last stanzas in comparison to the other three, its not truly important, however I remark upon it as the inclusion of another line in the first would give you opportunity to expand upon the ideas held there. While the last only requires an inclusion of the final line into the fifth, and would not suffer by the change. Again, you may choose to see this as my opinion, there are always many terms that can be used so as to not repeat a word (unless this was a purposeful act), lie and lying, heart, and break, could be exchanged for others, retaining and even enhancing the flow.
Of course, none of this detracts from the strengths of your work, it communicates well, holds its theme, and reaches the reader.

[Emily]

I love how you started it!
I like the meaning!
Keep it up!!