Back and Forth

Back and forth the little girl swings
Her ponytail flies back in the wind
The childish squeals ring out across the yard
Innocence that can easily be destroyed
She doesn't see the end so clear
So back and forth she swings

 

The creaking of the rusted chains
Sets the mood for the eerie events to come
You should have been quieter, little girl
Maybe the maniac wouldn't have heard you
Did you know little girl's voices echo the loudest
Especially when they're swinging back and forth

 

But the bubbly giggles are soon halted
By a certain crazy you-know-who
Her parents should have watched her
They should have heard the echoes
Ripped from the swing that she loved
She should still be swinging back and forth

 

Squeals turn to screams in no time
Just at his convenience is a lake
Perfectly set beside the beloved swing
Down into the water goes the little girl
Submerged by the icy grip of a lunatic
Never to swing back and forth

 

"It's time to come in," calls her mother
But she is far too late by now
The little girl floats in the water
And the man is nowhere to be found
She calls again but gets no answer
She was supposed to be swinging back and forth

 

Panic serges through the mother's body
Where is the little girl who loved to swing
She was here only minutes before
But she soon finds out where her baby is
Screams of agony fill the atmosphere
Echoing through the air back and forth

 

She should have watched her child closely
The young girl should have been quieter
Echoes are now a warning sign
For everyone who knew the girl
Who knew that giggles echoed louder than screams
Who knew her back and forth motions would cease

 

Minutes later the darling daughter
Is lifted out of the death trap
Her mother holds her close one last time
Her sobs ring out louder than ever
And behind them, hanging on a tree
The swing still sways back and forth

 

Back and forth, back and forth
Creak

Author's Note

This poem was inspired by the picture that goes along with it. I'm not really sure why that picture inspired this. Haha. It makes me seem kind of nutso.

Reviews

[astoundinglyattractive]

Beautiful. Absolutely brilliant.

The way the poem was formatted was flawless, and your occasional rhymes fit perfectly. Though the whole poem did not rhyme, it was read fluid and scripted masterfully. I have little I can say to help you improve here, because this piece is simply outstanding as it is, but I do have one suggestion.

"Minutes later the darling daughter
Is lifted out of the death trap
Her mother holds her close one last time
Her sobs ring out louder than ever
And behind them, hanging on a tree
The swing still sways back and forth

Back and forth, back and forth
Creak"

While a good verse, (and line?) this part isn't neccessary. I am by no means saying you should get rid of it, but maybe edit the verse a bit? It is a bit redundant to the rest of the poem, and while
"Back and forth, back and forth
Creak"
is a great visual/sensual line(s), the prerequisite piece did not fit the rest of the poem. You would do well to edit it that a bit so it is more singular.

That's all! I loved this, loved it, loved it.
95/100, if only for that one verse...

[that-little-green-monst..]

I really love this poem. It's really well written. Great job!

[darkness*star1985]

i got goosebumbs. really like this read even know it end very sad, good imagine its always wonderful to take a picture and make words out it, challenages the mind.

can't wait to read others from you writer..keep up the good and spokey works

[Kes]

I think I can see why that photograph inspired this... or maybe I'm just similarly messed-up. :)
This flows really well. The imagery and mystery you've used throughout the poem are amazing too.
You're a great poet. :)
K

[Samantha Lynn]

well, that totally creeped me out but... I loved it anyways. I just should not have read that in the darkness of my room. haha What i love most about this poem is the repetition of the ling "back and forth." I love that it repeats but it isn't force. Like you weren't trying to fit it into the poem and it just flows so easily. Does that even make sense? lol You should totally write more poems like this. I could definitely picture it in my head and that is why it flows so easily I guess. Omg, I am totally babling now..... Keep Wiritng. You could go for with a career in writing. :)