Our Dance

The dance of an enchanted heart
Sways slowly underneath the sparkling stars
Graceful movements, and whispering voices sharing secrets in the dark
A comely, and becoming routine that will surely leave a mark

 

Spinning round and round as my raven hair brushes my face
You turned a demure girl into one bubbling over with ebbulience in this alluring place
The eloquence of our steps barely make a noise, the only sound I hear is the rustling of my lace
The dewy grass between my toes as the sun and moon fight for their spots in a race

 

Our dark shadow prance across the distanced bungalow
As the darkness is replaced with the fresh morning glow
Our feet do not tire as the music continues to flow
If you have grown weary it definitley hasn't shown

 

So, as the sky grows ever more light
We'll reluctantly cease our dancing that is such a beautiful sight
We will go our seperate ways, and tread back into the world so bright
Don't miss me too much, we'll continue our dance tonight

 

 

 

Reviews

[DeliriousCerises]

It's already been said throughout the comments, but this is beautiful imagery. It paint vivid colors and scenes in my mind. I felt the bliss, and the solitude of having the whole world to yourself, to share with one special person. You need nothing but them as they fill you with life and energy, in your private blanket called night. I think my favorite line was the last in the second stanza.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Beautiful imagery with a hint of romance!

[New Dawn]

Lovely imagery Lydia, your writing shows a great maturity for your age but also an innocence because your view of the world has yet to be tarnished. Enjoy your dance for what it is and please continue with your beautiful writing

[Kelsy]

Sort of agree with Hilary.Anyways it's a nice poem,a good one at that.

[Kelsy]

Sort of agree with Hilary.Anyways it's a nice poem,a good one at that.

[eeoopig]

Wow you're 13?! This is brilliant work, and your writing sounds so mature :) It is descriptive, has a nice rhythm and rhymes well. Good job, yet again!

[None]

I love the soft, melodic voice of this fairy dancer, but the common and then elevated language differences between the lines make me stop and stutter for flow and meaning. I, for one, have no idea what ebbulience means. lol. But then, a few lines later you are speaking in a chatty girls voice, "definitely doesn't show." Smooth it out a little, and this has the potential to be extremely enchanting, just find the medium between the two "dialects" of the poem. The imagery is amazing. The setting is so mysterious and otherworldly. This place you have created with these lines is dream worthy. I love it. Also, look out for a few grammar mistakes that detract: like the first line of stanza three with shadow(s) (which one??? depending on the verb.).

Also, I absolutely love what you have done as far as formatting. The lines, their length, and the aesthetic flow of it is so perfect.

Great job. Almost there.

[Wolf's Dark Song]

Deeply romantic, it creates a beautiful enchanting picture of two people enraptured with each other. A lovely write, really good rhyming and flow in this which helped make the poem a joy to read.

[JadeForever]

"your turned a demure girl into one bubbling over with ebbulience in this alluring place." I was so stunned when I read that..that one phrase was so fluent and graceful in fact the whole poem was just AMAZING! TWO THUMBS UP

[Owlgirl]

Amazing descriptions and it leaves an eerie haunting to a beautiful melody almost. . . truly gorgeous adn makes one want to peer within the lines to see more of it. Great job! I love it, amazing work.