Chapter 9: Don't Sweat It

A Chapter by Lydia

Kelsey pulled open the door of Ryan's Cobalt, and slipped into the passenger seat quietly. Ryan plopped in beside her, and started up the engine with a loud sigh. They drove a few minutes in awkward silence before Kelsey decided to say something. "You know, I'm really sorry about being so annoying about all of this. I'm just scared," she spoke quietly, keeping her gaze on the buildings that they were zooming past.

Ryan didn't say anything until they stopped at a red light. He ran his hand through his hair that looked like it hadn't been brushed in days. "It's okay. I understand. I shouldn't have been so snappy about it, either. That was uncalled for, but I'm just-" he started, but was interrupted by Kelsey.

"You're just stressed, and worried about me. You're trying to help everyone else, and it's starting to bring you down. I know."

Ryan drummed his fingers on the steering wheel for a few minutes, and Kelsey watched him from the corner of her eye. This was a completely different side of Ryan that she hadn't seen very many times. He was so quiet, and the bags under his eyes showed her that he probably hadn't slept in days. "Spot on," he finally spoke up.

"We've really got to stop hanging out so much. You're starting to be able to read my mind, and I don't think thats a good thing." He smirked, and looked over at Kelsey.

She smiled, glad that just a little bit of the Ryan she knew was peeking out. "Just as long as you can't read mine then we're good." They shared a laugh, and for just a second it felt like old times. Except that third laugh wasn't there.

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Kelsey plopped down on her bed and watched Ryan as he looked through one of her boxes of pictures. She saw him smile, and became curious at what he was looking at. "What is it?" she asked, her own smile starting up. She couldn't help it. Ryan's goofy grin had always been very infectious.

He held up a picture of Kelsey, Ryan, and Lauren at the local amusement park the summer before. It was a good memory. It had been so fun, and they were all so happy. "Remember that? It was awesome," he said, biting at his lip. Kelsey could see tears forming in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away once he noticed her looking.

She decided to make like she didn't notice, and came over to sit on the floor beside him. She plucked the picture out of his hands and examined it. "Of course I remember it. It was probably one of the best days of my life," she replied, giggling a little at the memory.

"I still can't believe shes gone. I can't believe that stupid guy would do that to her," Ryan burst out, sick of holding it in. Kelsey's eyes widened as she looked over at him, and saw that he was crying. Ryan Hester, one of the least emotional boys she knew, was crying in her bedroom. She shifted uncomfortably, and awkwardly placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Me neither, Ry," she responded.

Ryan wiped at his eyes even though it was too late to cover it up. "Sorry," he apologized. He could tell it had made her nervous.

"Theres nothing to be sorry about. We've all got to let it out at some point."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. What else was there to say? It was a mess. This whole, crazy thing was a complete and total mess.

"You're all I've got left, Kels. You know that don't you?" Ryan admitted, looking up at her with red eyes.

Kelsey raised her eyebrows. Did he just say what I thought he said? "That's not true. You've got your mom, and you have other friends," she assured him.

Ryan shook his head. She just didn't understand. "That's not true. Mom is hardly ever home anymore. My dad hasn't called in three months. The only other friends I had beside you, and Lauren were the kids from drama club, and after I quit they haven't spoken to me since," he babbled on, "That's why I'm doing all of this. You're all I have, and I can't lose you like I lost Lauren. I can't let it happen again."

Kelsey closed her eyes, and drew in a breath through her nose. She didn't know about any of that. Ryan always acted so happy in front of her. It seemed almost impossible that all of that could have happened. She wasn't sure what to say, so she just grabbed his hand and squeezed it, hoping her simple gesture could speak for her.

Ryan looked over at her as she grabbed his hand. He loved her, and he was going to say it. He always had, but he had never had a good time to tell her. But he didn't know what the future held now, and if he had learned anything from this whole ordeal was that you're never promised tommorrow so you better make the most of today. "I love you," he revealed.

Kelsey's breath caught in her throat, and she quickly glanced over at him. He was staring at her, and his quivering lip made him look like he was about ten years old. His curls hung in front of his eyes, and Kelsey reached over and brushed them away. She just watched him for a few minutes. Those three words were something she had wanted to hear from him for so long. She didn't care if he had just meant it in a friendly way, or more than that. It didn't matter, she just wanted to hear it.

"I love you, too," she replied quietly.

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