Chapter XIII

    I woke up with a start, confused and groggy. My cheek was smushed against some sort of fabric, and it was damp from sweat and possibly drool. What an attractive sleeper I was. It took me a moment to figure out where I was as I slowly fluttered my eyelids open and closed to get rid of that fuzzy film that was obscuring my sight. The slumbering heaps of everyone struck me as familiar, and a blissful smile etched it’s way onto my face as the memories, of the hour or so before I fell asleep, played back in my mind. Rewinding and starting over again every time it ended. It was a short moment, but it swept away the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, and that was a miracle in of itself.

 

 

    “Every single one of these people, including me…we’re your family now, Nyx,” he had told me in that tone you use when you’re a little nervous about what you’re saying.

 

    An unusual feeling spread through my body, and for a moment I was overcome with some strange emotion I couldn’t exactly put my finger on. Of course I’d always felt cared for by Anastasia and Matthias, but once you’re friends with someone for so long you tend to start forgetting to remind each other about those kind of things. I guess you just assume that they should just know that you care about them. And it had been such a long time since someone actually voiced to me that they cared. I never realized -until Ander said that to me- how much I craved and longed to feel like I mattered to another person. Maybe that was the gnawing feeling I used to get in my chest when I’d see a couple walking through the halls of the Inside with clasped hands and sickeningly sweet smiles, leaning in to whisper something into the other’s ear, and then pulling away to tilt their heads back and laugh. Their happiness echoing off the halls, reminding me that I’d never have that.

 

    And sometimes I’d get that same feeling when I’d see two parents with their daughter in the playground. The mother would hold one chubby hand, and the father would hold the other and they’d swing her back and forth, her delighted squeals ringing through the air. I’d smile while I watched from a distance, but that consuming ache would well up inside of me and I’d have to look away. Now I know why. It was because I wanted to feel like that couple walking down the hall. I wanted to feel like that little girl who could shift her sparkling eyes upward and look into her father’s face, and all she would see was love. Deep, overwhelming, unconditional love. Acceptance. Approval. Anything.

 

    I remember hesitating before looking back at Ander. I was afraid that when I saw his facial expression, I would be disappointed. Maybe he’d wear the look of someone who just said something that they didn’t mean. Maybe he wouldn’t appear as sincere as I had hoped. What if he was just teasing me again? What if I said something really meaningful back, and he’d just laugh in my face because I was so gullible that I could fall for something like that?

 

    Much to my delight, that wasn’t the case at all, and when I turned my head slower than what could look normal, I was pleasantly surprised and relieved by the face staring back at me. He wore that boyish lopsided smile that made only one dimple visible, and it was all I needed to know that he meant every word he said. While I was still desperately trying to find something to say, my mouth opening and closing like a fish in need of water, his hand slipped around my waist and he pulled me into him, encasing me in a warm and inviting embrace. A million thoughts raced through my mind as I buried my face in his hoodie, my arms wrapped tightly around his neck. My breath caught in my throat as he traced the black fourty-four that was printed on the back of my own hoodie with his finger, dreading the moment when he’d pull away.

 

    He had leaned his head down, and I felt his cheek press against the side of my head. He whispered, “You need to get some sleep.” His breath tickled my ear and left my skin warm and tingly.

 

    In my mind, that was my cue to break my tight grip. I slowly loosened my arms, lifting my head and letting them fall away. But he didn’t move, kept his hands clasped tightly behind my back, keeping me closer than what was comfortable. Yes, we were much closer only seconds before, but it’s different when you’re face to face with someone. When you can actually look into their eyes, and I felt like he could read my thoughts. Like he knew that things were meaning more to me than they should.

 

    And there we were, just staring into each other’s eyes. No matter how much I wanted to look away, I was glued. Taking in the curls that fell in front of his eyes, the twist of his lips when he blew them away, the sharp curve of his jaw that was illuminated on one side from the lantern sitting lonely in the corner. It took me a bit, but my brain finally registered that I needed to do something. I couldn’t stare at someone like that. I couldn’t let things mean something more. Ander was my friend who cared about me. I couldn’t let it be anything but that.

 

    So I narrowed my eyes and put on an accusatory grin. “You just want to go to sleep,” I said, as if that whole minute hadn’t passed. Like nothing had happened, and I hadn’t just been lost in his eyes. Thankfully, he played along. He twisted his mouth to the side and cocked his head lazily as if to say, “Busted.” I laughed a little, and he grinned back at me, pleased that he could amuse me.

 

    I’ll never forget the way his hand trailed up over the ridges of my spine and landed on the crook of my neck. And I’ll never forget what he whispered after he brought his other hand up to cup my ear, and he leaned his head in close to mine so that the sides of our faces were pressed tight together. “Don’t forget, we’re your family. We care about you. I care about you more than you can imagine, and I promise that I won’t disappoint you like they did,” were the words that danced into my mind, his lips brushing my earlobe while he spoke. I knew he was talking about my parents when he said ‘they.’ And the way his eyelashes fluttered against my cheek took me back to a memory from a long time ago.

 

    I used to have a book that Anastasia gave to me. I don’t remember what the name of it was, but I vividly recall curling up in my bed and sticking the audio CD that went along with it into my radio. I’d cradle the book in my arms and follow along, skimming my eyes over the cartoon illustrations. But the part that is tinkering in my mind right now is when the little girl in the book would flutter her eyelashes against her mother’s cheek, giggling and smiling. Then the voice of the mother would softly stream through the speakers, “Butterfly kisses.”

 

    One night, as I was getting ready to go to bed, I asked my mom why we never gave each other ‘butterfly kisses.’ I was sitting there on the edge of my bed with my foot rested in her lap as she helped me put on my socks. She stared at me for a second, taken back, before shooting a glance over her shoulder to look at my father who stood in the doorway. A disapproving scowl deformed his face and even then I knew that meant this conversation was going nowhere good.

 

    She turned back towards me, but she refused to look me in the eye as she went back to slipping the socks over my feet. “Nyxitalia, you know it’s improper to do such things. I know you’re getting these silly ideas from those books Anastasia has been giving you. Next time she offers, you need to tell her no. Now I don’t want to hear another thing about such nonsense as that.” As soon as she finished with my socks, she scurried back out of the room, shutting the light off on her way out. She didn’t tuck me in, didn’t recite to me a bedtime story, didn’t stay and cuddle with me until I fell asleep. She just left me alone in the dark to wonder why something as simple as a butterfly kiss could cause such an upset. I was six years old. That was my favorite book. After that night I never saw it again.

 

    “Nyx, you know that, right?” I snapped back into attention, the distressed face of six year old me fading from my mind. While I was lost in my memory I didn’t even notice that Ander had pulled back away from me, his hands now resting on my shoulders. I probably should have said something to let him know how much I appreciated his kind words, but all I could do was smile and nod. He didn’t seem to mind, though, just smiled back and told me to get some rest. That I had a big day and so did he because he was going to be right by my side every step of the way.

 

    And about ten minutes later I was fast asleep with my head rested in his lap, and my face buried in the fabric that covered his stomach. I didn’t even mind that his hoodie smelled old and musty like it had been buried for years in his box full of stuff that I had once imagined was full of memories of his deceased/missing parents. His arm was slung over me, and I made like I didn’t feel him twirling a strand of my hair right before I fell asleep.

 

    The corners of my mouth are still slightly upturned as I plant one hand on Ander’s leg to help push myself up. I pulled my sleeve over my hand and used it to wipe my mouth, grimacing when I saw the wet drool mark that I had left on his jeans. I could only hope that it would dry before he woke up. Everyone else seemed to still be asleep so I must not have been asleep for too long. The only thing that had changed was that we were no longer sitting still. I could tell -by the gentle rocking and the way my world seemed to tilt on it’s side every few minutes- that the boat was moving now. Which meant that it wouldn’t be too long before we were in New Jersey, and I’d be standing in front of some important person, probably begging for them to help. Gosh, I still didn’t even know what I was going to say.

 

    I stretched out my arms, lifting them high above my head, and I stifled a long yawn in my hands. Settling back against the wall beside Ander, I looked over at him, sitting up and sleeping. I let go of a few quiet giggles as his parted lips pouted out every time he exhaled. He was, dare I say, pretty adorable. I’d never admit it to anyone, though. No way. Pulling my legs up to my chest and resting my head on my knees, I watched him. I watched the way his chest slowly rose up and down, and how his eyes flickered back and forth behind his lids. I wondered about what he was dreaming. I even allowed myself to wonder if he might have been…just possibly…dreaming about me. I tried to shake the thought away, though. I had no time to fall for someone. No time at all.

 

    I chewed at my lip as I thought of the possibility of him waking up and catching me staring at him. I could just hear him teasing me about it forever. I’d never hear the end of it. And I could just see me awkwardly trying to explain myself as he sat back and smirked, enjoying seeing me squirm.

 

    I heard someone stirring in their sleep and I quickly looked down to see Anastasia slowly waking up, stretching out her arms and legs. I saw her shiver, she was always cold in the mornings. Then she sat up and looked around the room. I was the only one she found awake so she smiled her prim little smile and crept over to me, taking a seat quietly beside me. I whispered a good morning to her. “You okay?” She asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

 

    I pinched my lips together and nodded my head. “Just a little nervous, I guess,” I replied, lazily lifting my shoulders to seem more nonchalant. There was no point in making anyone else nervous, too.

 

    “Everything will go fine. I’ve always thought you were pretty convincing,” she said, grinning and poking me lightly on the arm. I laughed a little. I could be convincing when I needed to be. Anastasia was right about that. She should know better than anyone. I gave her a quizzical look when I saw her scrunch up her nose and then point at Ander. “What’s that on his pants?”

 

    I raised my eyebrows before looking, and when I saw that she was pointing at the wet spot that I was responsible for, color rushed to my cheeks and I lowered my head to hide the blush. “I don’t know.”

 

    She giggled and tried to cover her mouth to not be so loud. “It looks like he peed himself.” I bit my lip to hold back my own laughter but I only ended up not being able to hold it in and spluttering everywhere. We both shook our heads, amazed with our own immaturity.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

    Time seemed to fly from the moment Anatasia and I were giggling uncontrollably up until the point of everyone filing up the stairs again. Not much happened in between. No one really talked much, and you could taste the tension and anxiety hanging in the air like a thick fog. Ander had woke up while Anastasia and I were still laughing. At first he just looked at us like we were on the verge of going insane, but then he demanded to know why we were laughing so hard. I refused to tell him, and he ruffled my hair, going on about how I was a horrible friend for not telling him. I think he was trying to make me feel guilty. It didn’t work.

 

    But now, no one was laughing or even thinking about it. We were heading back up those long and steep steps, on our way to our destiny. I know that sounds kind of corny, but it’s sort of true, really. Our future depended on these people. If they decided to help us, then everyone who lived in New York City’s lives would change. We might be the first city in America to go factionless. On the other hand, it could change our lives for the worst. In the next week, I might be an Inbetweener. Because there was no way I would be going back to the Inside.

 

    I was last in line and Maddox walked in front of me just like the night before. We decided it would be best just in case he freaked out again. Everything behind me was pitch black, and I could just barely see where I was going from the lantern that Gray was carrying at the front of the line. The steps creaked and moaned beneath everyone’s weight, and whispers from the others floated past me. I could only hear bits and pieces of their conversations.

 

     I caught a glimpse of Ander’s blue sneakers, the ones Matthias brought for him. For some strange reason, at least it was strange for me at the time, that brief snippet of him was the only thing that kept me marching in line up those stairs. The only thing that kept me from pushing past everyone and running away. I have no idea where I’d run to, but anywhere that was far, far away from Magnanimity. Far away from the Inside and the Inbetween. Away from everything that had anything to do with this situation. But Ander kept me sane. Somewhat, at least. He gave me hope, hope that this would all work and that I wasn’t wasting my time.

 

    “I’m going to check and make sure the driver is definitely off board. We’re parked at a dock, by the way. It should be easier for us to get down. Just a bit of a jump is all,” Gray’s voice shoved into my thoughts. It wasn’t until then that I realized we were out of the stairwell. We were standing on the deck of the boat, and I have no idea how I didn’t even pay attention to the fact that I was standing out in broad daylight. My eyes burned from the sudden exposure to the sun and all of it’s golden brilliance. All of a sudden my hoodie made me feel like I was in a fiery inferno, the cotton material strangling me.

 

    Gray disappeared around the corner of the deck, leaving us all to wait for him. I turned to Maddox who had a look of relief flooding his face. I couldn’t help but smile, and I put my hand on his shoulder. I had to reach pretty far to do so, but I was used to having to look up at people. Being only 5’2”, almost everyone looked down their noses at me. “You did good, Maddox,” I commended him, squeezing his shoulder just the slightest.

 

    Maddox chuckled softly, his hair whipping around his face from the breeze coming off the water. I would have appreciated it, but it was hot wind and that only made me feel worse. “Thanks. I’m so glad I’m out of there.”

 

    I wasn’t able to respond because Gray popped back around the corner right then, clapping his hands together. “He’s gone. I saw him walking the other way, twirling his keys around his finger,” he stopped to laugh that barking laugh of his, “Poor guy didn’t know he had company all night.”

 

    Ander, Maddox, and Cecily let out forced sounding laughs, and while I was stood there looking confused, Maddox nudged me with his elbow. Anastasia and I shared a glance and forced out our own laughs, trying our best to not overdo it to the point where he’s know that we were faking it. Just when I thought it was over with and we could move on from that awkward situation, but I guess I had forgotten that Matthias was there.

 

    “What’s so funny?” I shook my head, lost of hope. Matthias stood at the edge of the group, his forehead creased and arms folded over his chest. You really should learn to shut up, Matthias.

 

    I could see the expression on Gray’s face change drastically. He went from slapping his thigh and laughing to glaring, his sights set on Matthias. I watched helplessly as he took a few harsh steps forward until he was right in front of the boy. He poked him in the chest and growled, “You think you can do any better? C’mon, tell us a few jokes. Make us laugh.”

 

    It made me angry to see someone talking to my friend like that, and I had to just keep reminding myself that we brought Gray here for a reason. Matthias squirmed underneath the man’s cold gaze, stammering and backing away. That hair raising bark rang out again, and it took all I had to not punch that man in the face. He didn‘t hurt him, just embarrassed him, but it still made my blood boil. “That’s what I thought,” Gray said.

 

    The man stepped away from Matthias, and gestured for us all to follow him. Maddox patted Matthias on the back. “You’ve got a lot to learn, dude,” he told him. I caught Matthias roll his eyes once the other boy walked in front of him. It made me think he might have deserved it just a little.

 

    “We can just jump right over, see?” Gray addressed the group, gesturing down at the wooden dock that was half submerged in the crystallic water. I guess he thought it best to demonstrate because the next thing I knew, he had hopped over the side and landed promptly on his feet. For an older guy, he sure was limber.

Ander was next and I gripped the railing of the boat as I watched him hop over the bar and land pretty well on his feet, also. I cracked a smile when he tilted his head and kissed his biceps. For a skinny boy, he did have a good amount of muscle. I assumed it was from carrying the barrels of supplies back at the Inbetween.

 

“Show off!” I called down as I swung my legs over the bar, ready to jump at any second.

 

“If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” he called back, winking at me from the dock.

 

    I giggled and shook my head. “If I did that, you’d call me an idiot,” Matthias said from behind me, sounding whiny.

 

   Anastasia scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t be jealous, Matthias. Green is a horrible color on you.” Quite happy with that comment, I hopped off the bar. My ankles screamed with pain when I landed in a crouching position. How the heck did they land with such ease? It was like torture to my bones. Ander high-fived me as I limped over to where he and Gray were standing. Everyone else jumped down, too, some with more trouble than the others. Anastasia’s bracelet flew off her wrist during the process of her jump and landed in the water with a plop. I bit my lip as I watched it sink down until I couldn’t see it anymore. I knew that her mother gave it to her, but she didn’t say anything about it so I didn’t, either.

 

After everyone was down, Ander placed a hand on my arm. “You ready for this?”

 

   No, I wasn’t ready for it. I’d rather climb back into that secret room we’d spent the night in and stay there forever than face the chance of them telling us no. I wasn’t ready at all. “Yeah. I’m ready,” I replied. Such a fake smile that I gave him.

Author's Note

Sorry that this isn't very exciting, but the next chapter should be more interesting. You'll get to find out if Magnanimity will help them or not.

Reviews

[Krista Weiss]

You got my hopes up so much!!!!!!! They were all close together and then the just hugged and I was like noooooooooooo just kiss already!!! But I guess as long as they kiss in the book eventually then I'll be okay! :P But preferably the next chapter! :P I've got my hopes up! Anyways really great chapter I was like hysterically laughing the whole time :P Keep up the great work! Can't wait for the next chapter! :)

[Lydia]

Well, it might be a quite a few more chapters before a smooch happens. But I have reason for it. There is a very specific situation where I want them to kiss.

[Krista Weiss]

Ahh okay good I'm excited now :))))))

[Sophie]

PLEASE MAKE THEM KISS
PLEASE

[Lydia]

Lol. Be patient! It will come.

[Sophie]

I'm not patient! D: I'm practically writing a fanfic in my brain right now

[Lydia]

OMG, that's awesome! You should totally write that, lol...

[Anonymous Girl]

AWW!!! IS SHE GOING TO BE IN LOVE WITH ANDER??? AWWWWW!!!
Such a nice chapter!!!