Chapter XII

   “And this should open up, and there should be a room underneath here,” Gray said, as he stood over a small door that was cut out in the middle of the deck with a black iron handle sticking up on it. We all huddled around him.

 

I raised my eyebrows. “How do you know this?”

 

  Gray’s eyes traveled down all of us until they landed on me. “When Ander’s dad was still around we decided to come look at this boat. There used to be a dock a little ways down so that made it easier for us to get in here. We had ourselves a look around. That’s how I know,” he said, a grin creeping it’s way onto his face. “Ah, Ridian and I used to do all kinds of stuff.”

 

    It all fell silent, Gray lost in a memory that contained a friend with a mysterious disappearance. I took advantage of the moment to steal a glance at Ander. I was curious to see how he would react to the mentioning of his father. There was a distance in his eyes. He always acted so strong and untouchable, but it was beginning to become all too clear that he had a vulnerable side to him. Ander had the leader type personality. He always took the lead, and tried to protect everyone he could. But I could tell that his past haunted him. He was still that young boy who couldn’t save his parents. He was still that young boy who was left with responsibilities far beyond his years. He was still that young boy who was left to his own defenses to find that he had none. Right there on that deck with those distant eyes stood a lost twelve year old boy who had no idea of which way to turn. He was stuck in that time even if he’d never admit it. At the mention of his father’s name, all his walls came crashing down, but maybe I was the only one who noticed.

 

   The next thing I knew the door was swung open on the floor. One by one everyone began filing down the creaky wooden steps, swallowed up by the darkness. The only way I could even tell that they were still there was because I could hear the muffled protests coming from Anastasia and the occasional squeal. I was the last one to go in besides Gray. I carefully stepped down into the blackness. As soon as I got in I heard Gray swoop down behind me and the door slammed shut. If I thought it was dark before, it was beyond dark now. I couldn’t even see the outlines of the people in front of me.

 

    “Oh no,” I heard a voice say. It was coming from the person directly in front of me. I bristled at the words. I didn’t need to hear anything negative at the moment, and usually when someone says ‘oh no,’ it’s never good. I mentally ran through my mind who was in front of me. It was Maddox.

 

   “Maddox, what’s wrong?” A sense of urgency spiraled in my stomach. I was ready to go into panic mode.

 

   It took a moment for the answer to swirl out into the darkness and make it’s way to me. “I’m claustrophobic.” Thinking back on it, I feel kind of guilty that a sense of relief flooded over me when he answered.

 

    “Alright, you’re going to be okay. Just take some deep breaths,” I instructed as I reached my foot out to find the next step.

 

    “No, I want out of here!” His voice was higher now, and he sounded like he was on the verge of full fledged terror.

 

“Is everything okay?” Gray called out from a few steps behind me.

 

    I didn’t answer him until I brushed into Maddox. “Do you think it would be better if you had some light?” I asked him.

 

“Maybe.”

 

    “Gray, can you go ahead of us and get some sort of light? They usually have lanterns or something in this kind of place, right?”

 

I could hear the steps creak as Gray got closer. “Yeah, they should.”

 

   I pressed myself against the wall so the man could squeeze around us. “Hold onto my arm or something, Maddox.” I heard some scrambling around and then I felt something yank my hair. Instinctively, my hand shot up to hold my head.

 

“Ow! Ow, Maddox! I said to hold my arm, not try and make me bald!”

 

  Maddox huffed. “I’m sorry. If you haven’t noticed, I can’t really see anything.” His tone was heavy with irritation.

 

“For someone who’s supposed to be scared you sure are snappy,” I mumbled.

 

    “Sorry. I’m kind of freaking out. Now where is your arm?” I heard him slam into the wall and then mumble something I’d rather not repeat. I made an attempt to help him out, and my hand landed on something smooth and bumpy.

 

“Nyx?”

 

I stifled a laugh because I’d already figured out what I was touching. “Yes?”

 

“That’s my face. You’re hand is on my face,” he said, his words muffled by the heel of my hand.

 

   “Well, put your hand in your facial region, and my arm should be around there.” A few seconds later I felt his hand wrap around my wrist, and I let my hand drop from his face. I leaned back against the wall, and I could feel that he was shaking.

 

    “Take some more deep breaths, okay?” I heard him suck in a long and shaky breath, and I could feel his warm breath on my cheek when he exhaled. It went on like that for a little while, and I was beginning to wonder what was taking Gray so long.

 

“Do they even have lanterns that run off batteries?”

 

  I smiled to myself, glad to hear that Maddox had calmed down enough to even think about that. “Well, it’s 2064. I’m pretty sure we have lanterns that run off batteries.”

 

   And just to prove my point, a small glow appeared at the bottom of the stairs. It illuminated us and the stairwell, and I could see Gray and everyone else standing at the bottom. Cecily was in front, looking worried. Maddox wasted no time getting down the stairs, leaving me behind to laugh and shake my head. I followed him down the stairs and thanked Gray once I got to the bottom.

 

   “Your welcome. And if anyone wants to get some sleep, they should do it now. We still have a couple more hours before the boat leaves,” Gray announced, still playing the leader.

 

    Almost everyone took up on that offer, and soon Maddox and I were the only ones who weren’t sprawled across the floor with our mouths hanging wide open.

 

    “I’m crazy tired, but I don’t think I can sleep in here. I still feel really closed in,” Maddox confessed as we sat against one of the walls together.

 

    I had no problem with that. I was in no way interested in sleeping, either. “I don’t really feel like sleeping, either. Maybe we can just talk or something. Keep your mind off it,” I suggested, shifting my position so I was turned towards him. Anastasia squirmed in her sleep beside me.

 

Maddox nodded, seemingly satisfied with the offer. “Yeah, yeah okay.”

 

   It took me a moment to say anything. I had never been good with figuring out topics to talk about. “So, tell me about you guy’s family. Do you have any brothers or sisters other than Cecily? Are your parents still…alive?”

 

    “Oh yeah, our parents are still alive. I’m really thankful for that. Most of my friends are like Ander. Some have one parent, some don’t have either, and some don’t have any family at all so they’re completely alone. We have a little brother, Taryn. He’s eight.”

 

   “Oh, wow. How do you all fit in one little house? Plus, Anastasia last night? Not to mention, how did you sneak out and who did you tell your parents Anastasia was?” I was asking way too many questions. I bet Maddox didn’t think he was in for an interrogation that night.

 

   He chuckled, and I’m pretty sure he was thinking the same thing I was. “We don’t live with our parents. We have our own place.”

 

I crinkled my forehead. “What? How did you manage that?”

 

    “A young couple used to live next door to us, but a few years ago they got sick and died,” he twisted his mouth to the side, “There weren’t many people moving into the Inbetween at the time so the house was empty for awhile. Cecily and I managed to convince our parents to let us move into it, and we’ve been living there for about two years now. It’s actually pretty nice with it just being the two of us.”

 

    I decided then that if I had to live in the Inbetween, I’d want Maddox and Cecily’s life. They still had all their family. They got to have their own house. As far as the Inbetween goes, they were living good. “That’s really cool.” Even in the Inside, kids had to live with their parents until they got married. I thought it was a very old fashioned and dumb rule, but as usual, my opinion failed to sway my father.

 

   “So, what about your family? Your parents must have pretty cool jobs since you’re Insiders.” He actually looked genuinely interested.

 

   Oh, great. I had just promised myself that I wouldn’t get into any more situations where I had to talk about my family. And here I was again in another one of those situations. The second of the night, to be precise. What was I going to tell him? I just blurted out the first Insider job that came to mind. “Um, yeah…my dad’s a doctor. My mom’s a stay-at-home mom, though.” Part of that was sort of true. My mom was the ‘Queen/Leader’s Wife,’ but that was more of just a title. She didn’t really do much.

 

Maddox scoffed. “No wonder. Your dad’s probably loaded. I hear doctors make lots of money.”

 

   For some reason, that statement made me think. In reality, we did have more money than everyone else, but that didn’t make much of a difference in my life. I was still miserable. Rich or not, I never had what I really needed. Love. At least the Inbetweeners got that from their parents. “I don’t know about loaded, but we did have more than most people. That’s not always a good thing, though.” I didn’t say this part, but when you really think about it, money is what fueled all this mess. Greed for money is what got me to the point where I was. I hated it for that.

 

  He nodded slowly, although I’m not sure if he agreed with me on that one or not. “True.” And then a pause. “Y’know, Nyx, I think I’m going to try and get some sleep. I’ve calmed down a lot, and I’m just really tired. I’ll be useless by the time we get to Magnanimity if I don’t rest. Thanks for talking to me, though. It did help.”

 

I gave him a polite smile. “No problem.”

 

   I stayed where I was as he quietly made his way over to where Cecily was sleeping, and he carefully laid down beside her. She stirred a little, but Maddox whispered something to her and she fell still again. The room was almost silent other than the soft and rhythmic breathing from everyone. Except for Gray, Maddox was right, he did snore really loud. I wasn’t alone for long, though. I’m sure you can guess who decided to come keep me company.

 

    Ander slid in beside me. I cast him a questioning glance when I noticed the smirk on his face. He was up to something.

 

“So, I hear your dad’s a doctor,” Ander teased.

 

I rolled my eyes, followed by an annoyed sigh. Eavesdropping, huh? “Shut up, Ander.”

 

   He gave me an innocent look, and I’m pretty sure he batted his eyelashes at me. Like, seriously? “What?”

 

  “You’re the one who said I couldn’t tell anyone who my parents are or who I am. What was I supposed to tell him?”

 

   Ander raised his arms up and leaned away from me. “Hey, I didn’t say there was anything wrong with what you told him. I just thought it was kind of funny,” he stopped, an amused expression on his face, “Humorous.”

 

    “Well it’s not funny or humorous to me. I don’t like having to lie to people,” I replied, trying not to be too snappy or rude. This was Ander I was dealing with.

 

   He shrugged. “I guess that’s a good thing.” The room went silent again, and I awkwardly fingered the frayed edge of my hoodie. “So, how come you aren’t trying to sleep?”

 

   I leaned my head back against the wall. “I have too much on my mind. I’m not really that tired anyways.”

 

  From the corner of my eye, I could see that mischievous grin slowly growing on Ander’s face again. “Oh really? Because you’re either really tired or you seriously need to tell me who punched you in the face.”

 

   I smacked him rather hard on the arm. “Ander! I’m literally going to strangle you! You’re so rude!” My words didn’t faze him. He was laughing so hard that no noise came out, and he ended up clapping like a retarded seal. I just watched with a disgusted look on my face.

 

   Finally he calmed down enough to speak again. “Hey, I’m just kidding. And if it makes you feel better, you aren’t the only one who has a lot on their mind.”

 

   I could have chose to just ignore him, but I opted to not do that. I did eye him carefully though to make sure he didn’t have something else rude or sarcastic to say. “What’s on yours?”

 

    He sighed, his attitude changing completely. “I’m not too worried about what we’re going into. That’s not bothering me too much. More about what I left behind, I guess.”

 

“Your sister?”

 

  He nodded. “Yeah. Things are getting so much worse lately at home. People are dying left and right. Someone new is sick everyday. I’m just terrified that something is going to happen to her while I’m gone, and I won’t be there. I’d feel so guilty.”

 

“Don’t you trust the people you left her with?”

 

   “Yeah, but no one can take care of her like I can. And then, I just wonder what she’s going to think when I don’t come get her tomorrow. I couldn’t tell her where I was going. She’s going to think I abandoned her.”

 

    I was never one to be good at comforting people or helping them sort out their emotions. I was usually that person who just listened. I felt kind of obligated to help him, though. After all, he had sacrificed much needed sleep to talk to me last night. I kind of owed him. “Well, I can’t say I know how you feel because I don’t have any siblings. And even if I did, I don’t think I could ever be as close to them as you are to Nova. But I can tell you what I think. And I think that if she knew what you are doing, or if she were old enough to understand, she would be so grateful and so thankful that you cared enough about her to risk so much to try and make it possible for her to have a better life. I wish I had someone who cared that much about me.”

 

   He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I guess you’re right. I just feel like it’s my job to protect her. I can’t do that if I’m not there.”

 

   I wasn’t sure what else to say to him, and even if I was, I don’t think it would have helped much.

“And, Nyx, you do have someone who cares that much about you,” he broke the silence, almost in a whisper. Like maybe he wasn’t sure if he wanted me to hear him or not. I should’ve known the answer, but I asked him this question anyways.

 

“Like who?”

 

  “Me.” I wanted to look away from him, but I couldn’t. I was frozen. He cared about me? I felt him slip his hand into mine, and chill bumps raced up my arm. He cared about me.

 

   “I know that you feel like you don’t have any family now. But I want you to do me a favor, and look around at everyone in this room.” I narrowed my eyes at him, not sure why he’d want me to do that. I did it anyways.

 

   I turned my gaze to look around at my new and old friends, all lying in sleeping heaps. The lantern in the corner made it possible for me to see.

 

“You see them?” Ander asked from behind me.

 

I rolled my eyes good naturedly . “Yeah. Not blind, Ander.”

 

   He laughed lightly and dropped his voice just the slightest. “Every single one of these people, including me… we’re your family now, Nyx.”

 

   Thinking about it now, I still recall that moment as the first time I really felt like I belonged. They were my family and I belonged with them.

Reviews

[Sophie]

ahhhhh! I loved this, but you teased me! I though after Ander said "Me." they were going to kiss and. they. didn't.

[Lydia]

Hehe. You'll just have to wait.

[Sophie]

but
but
but...
I want them to

[Krista Weiss]

Ahhhh I love this chapter!! :D Ander so cute and sweet :) I love him and they really need to get together soon!!! < 3 Just a suggestion for the next chapter :P I can't wait!!!! :)

[Anonymous Girl]

Aww!! I like where Ander says that he cares about her and last paragraph!
Its going brilliantly! Keep going!!