Chapter X

A Chapter by Lydia

I woke up the next morning to the sound of a distant voice calling my name. I don’t even remember the exact time I fell asleep the night before. Somewhere between watching the rise and fall of Ander’s chest after he rolled back over on his back, and wondering if Anastasia and Matthias were sleeping. Wondering if they were scared and missing their parents.

“Nyx, Nyx,” the same voice called, and suddenly I realized that someone was shaking my arm. As I slowly started to come back into conciousness my eyes fluttered open. But they were only met with more darkness, literally pitch black.

A slight gasp escaped me, and I reached my hand out, trying to find something to grasp. I always hated waking up in the dark. That’s why I kept my fairy lights on at home. Hmm, I’d miss those, too.

My hand brushed against something, but my foggy mind couldn’t figure out what it was until the thing wrapped around my wrist. I bristled at first, but then I relaxed when the voice came again. It was just Ander.

“Hold on a second. I’ll light the candle again, okay? Just stay there.” I felt his grip on my wrist vanish, and I sat completely still, my eyes squeezed shut, as I waited for him to light the candle.

“And, there we…go.”

I let out a sigh of relief when that comforting glow washed the room in enough light to make my eyes burn just the slightest. Ander held the candle in his hand, and it illuminated his face and his -now very messy- curls.

“I guess it’s time to go,” I said, my voice thick from sleep. I could only imagine how I looked, and it couldn’t have been good.

Ander nodded, smiling but not a real smile. “Yeah, and if we don’t go now we’re going to be late. And Gray will kill us if we’re late.” When did Gray become the leader of all this?

I reluctantly heaved myself off the floor. I tugged my wrinkled shirt -that I’d been wearing since yesterday- over my hips. Rubbing at my blurry eyes, and yawning softly into my hands.

This was going to be a long day.

……………………………….....................

Stepping out into the chilly atmosphere of the Inbetween was strange. It was so much quieter at night (or early morning), and -dare I say- peaceful.

The sound of the door shutting behind me let me know that this was for real. We were seriously doing this. It was time.

I looked over my shoulder at Ander until he was beside me. If I was reading his expressions correctly, he must have been more nervous than I was. His eyes darted around at the slightest sound, even the sound of his own feet crunching on gravel as we walked slower than we should have.

I wanted to comfort him, wanted to say something. But how could I comfort him when I couldn’t even comfort myself? I was almost ready to turn around and just run all the way back home. Forget about being free. I couldn’t do that, though, could I? I didn’t have it in me to give up. It was against my nature.

Most of the shacks we passed were dark, just black silhouettes in the night. It was hard to believe that people were even in there since it was so quiet. One house had a small light on inside, though. It was probably some sort of candle or gas lamp creating the glow. Two shadows moved slightly on the wall, and for some reason it reminded me of sleepovers with Anastasia. I could just imagine two young Inbetween girls staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking about boys, gossiping about the ever so interesting going ons in the Inbetween, and discussing their dreams. Maybe I was about to make their dreams come true. And that one thought kept me walking.

Peeling my eyes away from the shadows I felt Ander’s hand slip into mine. His palm was warm against my own. Between the contact and the fact that I might be making someone’s dream come true, I felt stronger than I had in a long time. I actually felt that I might be ready for this.

My gaze dropped down to our intertwined fingers hanging loosely between us, connecting us in a way. “Why are you always so touchy?”

I’d meant it in a joking manner, but Ander seemed to take it differently. I could tell when I felt his hand tense. My eyes trailed up the navy blue sleeve of his hoodie, over his stuttering lips, to his eyes that locked with mine. They only caught for a split second, but in that split second the smooth and cool Ander was swept away. He was totally vulnerable.

He pulled his hand away, and pressed his lips together, staring at the ground like it would give him an answer. “I don’t know. I-I’ve just… lost so many people in my life. Now, when I care about someone, I guess I get kind of clingy. It’s just this weird mental thing. I think that if I keep them close then I won’t lose them. It’s stupid, though, really. I’ve seen how that’s worked out for me. Anyways, I’m sorry. I won’t do it anymore.” He bit at his lip, and made more distance between us, shuffling to the side.

It hurt to know that he felt that way. It hurt because I cared, too. To feel like no matter how hard you try and how tight you hold on, everyone you love is going to be taken away from you. I could only hope that he’d never lose me, or worse, that I wouldn’t lose him.

I didn’t say anything, let it stay quiet for a little bit. But I didn’t wait too long before I reached out and found his hand, grasped it again. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, you can hold my hand as tight as you want.”

I didn’t look at him, but I could almost feel his smile. He must have liked the offer, too, because he squeezed my hand tighter and ran his thumb over the back of my hand. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel better, too, but at the moment I refused to admit it. If Anastasia had been there she would have called me stubborn. I guess that’s what I am, though. Stubborn and hopelessly trying to convince myself that I’m oblivious. But, unfortunately, I’m not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re late,” was the first thing I heard once Ander and I reached the bare space just a few feet away from Gray’s home. Gray stepped away from the bordering wall where he had been leaning against it alongside Maddox. His strong tan arms crossed over his chest, and his jaw set rigidly.

I wanted to disappear because that facial expression -that exact look- was one I’d seen too many times. It was the same disapproving shake of the head that my father loved to give me.

“Sorry, Gray. We woke up a little late. It was stupid, but we’re here now,” Ander responded to the man. He seemed to be unfazed by the cold look, but he discreetly pulled me a little closer once he noticed how nervous I was. My eyes as big as saucers and my free hand playing dumbly with the end of my sweater.

To some I might seem like the type of person who would stick up for herself. And sometimes I was that type of person. But when it came to my father I always turned into a coward. Yeah, sometimes I would yell back and stand up to him, but more often than not I listened to the words. I never admitted it, but those words cut through me like knives. I’d keep my mouth screwed tight, and hold back the tears that I so wanted to shed.

The way Gray looked was just too familiar, and it turned me into a coward. I had to look away because it was bringing back too many memories that I honestly didn’t have the strength to bear recalling them.

I looked beyond Gray where the two boys were. Maddox was leaning on the wall with one foot pressed against the wall, too. He gave me a sympathetic smile from behind his bangs that had fallen in his face. Matthias was sitting on the ground, his knees to his chest and his arms hung limply over them. He waved at me with an exhausted hand.

“You woke up ‘a little late’? This isn’t a game-,”

“Nyx, can I talk with Gray for a minute?” Ander cut off Gray’s raised voice. I took another glance at the fuming man before I nodded my head. I untangled my hand from Ander’s, and slipped out of the danger zone.

I’m still not sure how Gray became the leader of all this. To be honest, though, I didn’t really care. I’d rather him make the decisions and figure it out than me. The way my head was working lately wouldn’t get us very far. Better him to deal with it than me, but in the end I’d make sure that he didn’t make any decisions that I didn’t think were right.

I plopped down next to Matthias with a ‘humph’. He turned to me with droopy eyes and a sleepy smile. Waking up at two thirty in the morning could do that to a person.

“Where’s Cecily and Anastasia?” It had just dawned on me that the girls hadn’t been there. My brain must have really been fried if I failed to notice the absence of Anastasia.

“They got sick of waiting for you and Ander so they went in Gray’s to sleep until you got here. Apparently the guys aren’t allowed to go back to sleep.” Matthias scowled but it was interrupted when he let go of a long yawn.

“Which isn’t fair at all.” I looked up to see that Maddox had came over to us and sat down in front of me. “Anastasia and my sister stayed up all night talking. I don’t care if they want to stay up squealing about who-knows-what all night, but it’s different when someone else is in the room and would rather not be a zombie on one of the most important days of his life.” He dug the heel of his hand into his eye and sighed, exasperated.

I laughed lightly, knowing all too well how loud Anastasia could be.

Matthias groaned and let his head fall back against the wall. “I’d rather listen to that than have to listen to what kept me up last night. The old man snored all freaking night. It woke me up like three times and scared me half to death ‘cause I thought he was dying or choking or something. It was horrible,” he said, rubbing his forehead with his hand.

Compared to them I guess I got better sleep than I thought I had. Atleast Ander didn’t talk all night, and he definitely didn’t snore.

“So how did you like staying with Ander?” Matthias smirked and poked me with his elbow, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

I narrowed my eyes. “You’re such a perv,” I muttered.

He snickered and Maddox scrunched up his nose. “Gross.” I guess I’d be pretty grossed out too if someone was talking about my best friend like that.

“I saw you holding his hand. What was all that about then, huh?”

I knew I should have let go before we got here. I should have known he would tease me. “We were just holding hands. I’ve held hands with you before. What‘s the big deal?”

Matthias scoffed. “You guys were holding hands differently. Way too cuddly to just-”

I brought my hands to my face and pressed them to my eyes. “Stop. I really don’t want to talk about this right now,” I snapped, making Maddox rear back a little.

Matthias rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Fine, I won’t say anything else. But, geez, you don’t have to get all snappy.”

I didn’t have the chance to respond. Gray turned around, still looking upset but slightly calmer. Ander’s jaw was set now too, and I could tell he was irritated. He managed to smile weakly at me, though. If Matthias hadn’t been watching I would have appreciated the smile, and I probably would’ve smiled back. But he was watching so I quickly looked away from him, and ignored the small gesture. I could see -out of the corner of my eye- the confused expression playing on Ander’s face.

“You,” Gray pointed a rough and scabby finger at me, “Go get the girls. We’ve got to get moving if we want to sneak on the boat before the driver wakes up.” No asking here, just demands.

I didn’t argue for him to treat me better like I might have if circumstances were different. I didn’t make a comment about how I had a name and I’d appreciate if he used it. No, I listened and I obeyed. Obeyed- I hate that word. It makes me sound like a slave.

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© 2012 Lydia

Author's Note

Sorry for the fillerish chapter, but I'm going out of a town so I wanted to post something. Hopefully the next chapter will be better since I'll have lots of time to figure out stuff for it while I'm on vacation.