I pushed open the door of our apartment with an exasperated sigh. There was nothing worse than having to come back to this place after hanging out with my friends. My parents and I lived in the largest apartment of the Inside. It was the first door right after you pass through the lobby, and it was the size of a house. The rest of the apartments were average size, and the amount of rooms depended on how many people were in the family. Most everything was white, but there were a few other colors here and there. Our apartment didn't have many colors other than my room. I made sure that there wasn't any white in my room. Throughout my life I have to grown to despise white. I've learned to associate it with lies and my father. Two things that I can't stand.
I trudged into my room and turned on my fairy lights that draped across my canopy bed. They flickered a little before they came on, and then cast my room in a dim glow. I loved the way they made it look almost...enchanting. It was like an escape from the brightness of all the white tiles and walls. It was welcoming and warm, and everything that I wished the rest of my life could be. And more importantly, it was me. Decorating my room was the only way I could express myself.
When I was six, I painted it blue because I was going through a tomboy phase. When I was thirteen, I painted it lime green, and decorated everything else in neon colors. Eventually it started giving me a headache to even walk in there. A couple years ago I painted it a soft pink, and one wall I painted gold. Everything is Paris themed because I've kind of become obsessed with France. Did you know that they don't have factions there? That must be amazing.
"Nyxitalia, it's time for dinner!" My mother called from the kitchen down the hall.
I groaned and lifted myself off the bed. Dinnertime was the worst time of day in my house. It was either horribly silent, or the conversation was spent criticizing me and my 'improper' ways. My parents really needed to get over the fact that I was never going to meet their standards. That wasn't who I was, and I never became that person. It seems like, after seventeen years of nagging, they would finally understand that I was going to be me and nobody else. Especially not the person they wanted me to be. No, I would never be like them. I didn't want to be like them. A life of trying to trick people into thinking that you're something you're not didn't sound appealing to me in the slightest.
"I'm coming, Mom! Just give me a second to...um...use the bathroom," I called back. In reality I was actually going to change into some white clothing. Even though you were technically allowed to wear whatever you want until you're a 'official member', my parents always made rude comments when I wore regular clothes.
I leaned down and grabbed a white blouse that had somehow gotten kicked underneath my bed. Pulling that on I used my foot as a hand and grabbed a white lace skirt off my bed. I grabbed a hair tie off my dresser and twisted my hair into a bun. Before heading out of my bedroom, I checked myself in the mirror to make sure it was something my parents would like. But when I looked at my reflection it just made me angry. Why was I doing this? Why was I trying to be someone I wasn't just to please these people that I didn't even like. No matter what I was wearing they were probably still going to say something about how I acted at the initiation earlier that day. So what was the point? I decided there wasn't one and changed back into my regular clothes. I took my time, too, just because I could and because I knew it would irritate my parents.
I looked in the mirror once again, and I actually smiled at what I saw. That was me. Reaching my hands up I let my hair back down. It fell from the bun and hung around my shoulders. Pleased with my appearance, I walked to the kitchen.
My parents were already seated at the table eating dinner. I sat down across from my mother, and unraveled my silverware from the napkin it was tucked into. My parents didn't say a word until my mother sighed and looked over at me.
"You know I don't like it when you wear those clothes." Her voice was low and barely there. Almost like she was on the verge of giving up. The words held no conviction, and sounded like an after thought. It was like she had said it so many times that it had become a ritual.
I glanced up at her, but opted on not saying anything. I lowered my head and made it a point to eat fast so I could leave as soon as possible. I let my hair fall around my face like a curtain, shielding me from the opinions and comments that my parents were surely thinking.
I finished my food quickly, and wiped my hands on the napkin. "May I be excused, please?"
"No, we need to talk to you about something," my father said, pushing his own plate away from him. His eyes hardened and I could tell that this wasn't going to be a friendly discussion. Not that I expected it to be.
I had already raised up from my seat before he said that. But once he did I slowly sat back down and folded my napkin in my lap. I kept my eyes trained on the edge of the napkin that I was rubbing between my fingers, bracing myself for the criticism and harsh words that he would soon be throwing my way.
"The way you acted at the ceremony today was incredibly disappointing," he began. Disappointing. I had always been a disappointment, a mistake. Well, my parents were a disappointment, too. When I was little I used to think the world of them. Then I found out all the things my father had done, and you know how I felt? Disappointed.
"Your behavior lately has been extremely innapropriate, Nyxitalia. You need to realize that you are a princess. You aren't like the other kids who can get away with those sorts of things. You are representing the Inside, and our good name could be tarnished because of your actions. Do you know how much pressure that puts on me? I am constantly having to monitor what you're doing whenever we are in public. You make your mother and I look bad."
I almost couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Then I remembered he was my father, and all of a sudden it was all very believable. I was tarnishing the Inside's good name, huh?
I stood up and threw the napkin on the table. I wasn't going to sit there and listen to that. It was absurd. "I'm making the Inside look bad? Atleast I'm not a theif! You think I don't know that you've been stealing the member's money for years? Do you seriously think that I'm not listening during those meetings? You think I don't understand what all of that stuff means? I'm not stupid, and you aren't innocent! You're the one who is tarnishing the name of the Inside, not me," I shouted back, my voice was angry and I was almost shaking. It wasn't very often that I stood up to my father, but when I did I let it all out.
I had never said anything about my father's actions, though. When I was younger I never really payed much attention to the monthly meetings of my father and the other officials. But one day when I was about fourteen I payed a little more attention, and that's when all the pieces fit together. The way my dad kept the Inside money box in his office instead of the lobby where everyone could see it. The way that we suddenly could afford more than we had before. How one day the food and water that used to get donated to the Inbetween stopped being sent.
You see, for a long time all of the Insiders donated a certain amount of money each month to which was used to buy food and water. We sent that to the poor and sick in the Inbetween because we were supposed to be the charitable faction, right? When all of that suddenly stopped happening the pieces started fitting together. My father was using the money for himself and his own gain. And when someone from the Inbetween came to the headquarters, and pleaded for them to start sending food and water again because people were getting sick, my father told him no.
The man begged and begged and even threatened to tell higher governments if he didn't start sending it again. And that's what set my dad off. He valued his reputation more than anything else, and he wasn't going to let some Inbetweener ruin it. A fire blazed in his eyes, and even I was scared. I watched in horror as my father threw the man to the ground with more strength than I knew he had. The man's head hit the concrete floor, and as far as I know his life ended right there.
No one knew about it except for me, and Anastasia and Matthias of course. My father didn't know that I saw it, though. I had been peeking around the corner, and watched it all. Even if someone suspected it I knew they wouldn't dare speak up. My father was powerful. Very powerful.
My father's face grew red with anger, and he too stood up. "You better stop while you're ahead. This isn't about me, this is about you. You're going to get your act together, and start being the princess you're supposed to be. Next year you're going to be an official member, and no one is going to put up with an ill behaved princess."
I laughed at his sheer stupidity. "I don't need to change because I'm not staying here. I don't care what I have to do. I'll do anything to get away from here, and whatever it is that I have to do, I'm going to do it before I turn eighteen."
My mother gasped and stood up also. "You will do no such thing!"
A smile played at my lips because I knew I would. I was going to get away, and there was nothing they could do to stop me. "Watch me," was all I said before storming down the hall and slamming my door behind me, making sure to lock it. Surprisingly, they didn't come after me. Instead, the house grew silent and I knew that somewhere deep inside of my parents, they knew I wasn't kidding. And they knew I was smart enough to ruin every bit of their false reputation.
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