I scurried down the stairs when I heard the horn honking outside of my house. Ryan was here to pick me up, and take me to my car. Drew's father fixed it, but I didn't understand a word of what the said was wrong with it. Atleast I knew that Drew's father was a much more pleasant person than his wife.
Drew offered to come pick me up, but I told him Ryan would before I even asked him. I hadn't spent much time with Ryan since Drew and I had been together, and I wanted to make sure he didn't think I was kicking him to the curb for Drew. I mean Ryan was there most of the time I was with Drew since we were usually in school, but he seemed to kind of fade into the background. It's kind of hard to focus on other people when you're too busy staring and hanging on to every word someone else is saying.
I reached the bottom of the stairs and plucked my bright pink peacoat from the coat rack. I slipped it on and glanced into the living room where my mom was seated on the couch. She hadn't spoken to me all morning. That's how my parents punished me. Instead of grounding me like normal people, they just ignored me for a few days. To be honest, though, I didn't really mind. It was pretty nice to have some peace and quiet, but it could get annoying at times when you really needed to ask them something.
I was just about to walk out the door when I heard my mother's soft voice call out behind me. "Is it Drew?"
I let out a relieved sigh that it wasn't. "No, it's Ryan," I replied, looking over my shoulder.
She kept her head straight, and didn't look at me. I waited for a minute to see if she would say anything.
My mom was a very plain woman, and looked much older than she actually was. Don't get me wrong. I think my mother is beautiful, but she never really did much with herself. I guess she was just one of those types of people who embraced their natural looks. I was never that type of person. You hardly ever caught me without any makeup on when I was a teenager.
Once I realized that she wasn't going to say anything else to me, I proceeded out the door. I shivered once I stepped into the frigid cold. Everything looked grey outside. The sky looked grey, the clouds were grey, and even the grass seemed to have a grey tinge to it. But Ryan's bright red car shone brightly against it's drab surroundings, just like the smile that spread across Ryan's face when he looked up and saw me. Bright as the sun. His over enthusiastic wave made me giggle, and immediatley improved my mood. Ryan had this way about him that could make you smile without him saying a word. It was like he emanated happiness.
I returned the wave and skipped down the steps. My loose curls bounced across my back as I made my way eagerly to his car.
"Hey, hey, hey!" I greeted him as I climbed inside the wonderful warmthness of the vehicle.
Ryan opened his arms as if he was going to hug me, but then dropped them back down quickly. He had been doing that a lot since Drew and I got together. Beforehand we used to hug each other all the time, and even held hands occasionally. Just because that's what we always did, but now he wouldn't even get close to me.
The corners of my mouth twitched upward into a teasing smile. "Ryan, I have a boyfriend, not a disease. Now give me a hug before I freaking tackle you." I giggled and wrapped my hands around his neck, my face getting lost in his abundance of golden curls.
Ryan seemed to hesitate at first, but as soon as he wrapped his long arms around my waist it started to feel like old times. It's weird how a simple embrace can bring back so many memories. Like a blast to the past, I guess you could say. Images of group hugs, random words from inside jokes, and comforting smiles invaded my mind.
I ruffled his hair as I pulled away from him, and he ran his hand through it to make it go back in place.
"I missed you," I told him as I buckled my seatbelt. I glanced up through my lashes to catch him grin when I said it. As soon as I came back up his mouth fell back into it's normal position.
"Yeah, I missed you, too," he replied, flicking his eyes to me quickly before he pulled out of my driveway.
I smiled to myself, enjoying his glances more than I probably should have. Laying my head back against the headrest, I took in a deep breath of the cinnamon-y smell of the tan air freshner that swayed back and forth from his rearview mirror. Cinnamon was Ryan's signature scent. Even the cologne he wore occasionally smelled like cinnamon. I had come to associate cinnamon with Ryan everytime I smelled the inviting scent.
"We should hang out today. Like go get some lunch or something after we pick up your car. I haven't seen much of you lately," Ryan suggested, looking over at me for my approval.
"I'd love to! No boyfriends, just me and my curly headed friend." I giggled and let my head fall to the side. My hand reached up and plucked one of his curlier pieces of hair. It stretched out and then rebounded back into it's normal shape.
Ryan turned his head to the side and chomped the air in front of my finger, making like he was going to bite it.
I shrieked like a little girl and snapped my hand back into my lap, scrunching my nose at him.
He laughed out loud at my shriek and pouty face. Then with a long sigh he started up a new conversation, "I never thought you'd get a boyfriend and stop hanging out with me."
Did I detect a little jealousy in his voice? "Aaw! My little Ryan is jealous," I teased in a baby voice, and pinched his cheek hard on purpose.
Ryan's eyebrows knitted together and he swatted my hand away. I grinned deviously as he massaged the red mark on his face.
"Why are you so abusive?"
"Why are you such a wimp?" I shot back. It really did feel like old times. The teasing, the innocent physical contact, and the smile on Ryan's face when he knew he'd lost.
I crossed my wooly pink clad arms across my chest, and raised my head with a prideful smile. I watched out the window as we crossed over the bridge that connects my side of town with the fancier side of town that Drew lived in. A few people strolled down the sidewalks on either side of the road. One couple caught my eye, though. Their backs were turned in my direction as they leaned over the side of the bridge, and looked down at the nearly frozen water below. They held mittened hands, and stood so close to each other that their shoulders smushed together. The overall cuteness of them wasn't what caught my eye, though. What caught my eye was the shocking resemblance they had to Ryan and I. The girl was short and had the same chocolate waves cascading down the back of her trench coat. The boy was tall like Ryan, and had the same overwhelming mop of curls as him. His hairs wasn't as golden as Ryan's, but it was still close enough.
I watched in shock as they leaned into each other and shared a sweet kiss. It was like watching what could have been. That most likely would have been us if Drew hadn't have came into the picture.
I discreetly glanced over at Ryan, and to my surprise, found him staring straight at them. He pressed his lips together so hard that the skin arond them went completely white. He must have been thinking the exact same thing as me because his gaze slowly went from the couple to me, and for a split second we locked eyes.
I tore my eyes away fast, though. I couldn't look at him. Not when both of us were having the same thoughts.
I cleared my throat. "I'm bored," I said, trying to fill the awkward and almost painful silence that had set over the car.
More silence came from the other side of the front seat, and it wasn't until then that I noticed Ryan was still looking at me. Trying to act as normal as possible, I reached up and turned his head with my gloved fingers. "Eyes on the road, please. Not on the ethereal beauty in your passenger seat," I teased, but that only seemed to make his cheeks grow redder than they already were.
"I'm going to turn on the radio," I informed him as I leaned forward to turn the knob.
"No! Wait," Ryan shouted, and grabbed my hand. It was too late, though. The girly, country voice of Taylor Swift blared through the speakers and into my ears.
I tried to hold back the overwhelming urge to burst out laughing as Ryan fumbled around, trying to turn the radio off and stay on the road at the same time. He hit the volume button instead of the power button, and the lyrics of 'Love Story' only grew louder. Finally, he found the off button and the car grew silent again.
A giggle bubbled in my throat and I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to hold it in.
"Don't. Even. Say. It," an exasperated-looking Ryan huffed.
That was all it took to set me into an all out laughing fit. I never thought Ryan was the Taylor Swift type. I learn something new everyday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hopped out of Ryan's car once we reached Drew's house. I narrowed my eyes at my stupid car that gave me way too many problems. I wiggled my fingers at Ryan and strode over to my car. A new pep in my step after the interaction with Ryan.
I was just about to unlock my car door with the extra key I brought when a door slammed behind me. A glanced over my shoulder to see Ryan coming up behind me.
"Hey! You forgot to tell me where you wanted to eat," Ryan reminded me.
I leaned my head back so that Ryan's face looked like it was upside down. He smirked and poked my nose as I pursed my lips as I contemplated where I might want to eat. "How about that little cafe we used to go to? I think it was called Tully's or something," I suggested, my head still tilted back and my lips still pursed as I waited for his approval.
I caught Ryan staring at my pursed lips, and I quickly straightened them back. I don't think he noticed that I saw him staring because he shrugged nonchalantly. "Sounds good to me."
I smiled and turned my head back to it's normal position so I couldn't see him anymore. "See you in a minute, Tay-Tay," I called, grinning at the reference to his Taylor Swift fetish.
"You are so going to pay for that!" He lived up to his promise, too, because the next thing I knew his hands were wrapped around me and he started tickling me in one of my most ticklish spots: my stomach. I squealed and fell into him as he moved to my neck, and any other ticklish spot that he knew I had. Involuntary, hicuppy giggles escaped me as I wriggled around and tried to grab his arms in a lousy attempt to make him stop.
Ryan was laughing almost as hard as his hands traveled to various trigger spots. "Stop, Ryan!" I shouted between giggles.
I managed to turn myself around, but that only made my underarms more accessible. My face buried in his wool sweater as I tried to push him away, but he only clutched me tighter. We used to do this to each other all the time when we were younger. I'd tickle him and he'd tickle me, and we would try to see who could go the longest without laughing. Both of us sucked at it, though.
The uncontrollable giggles and tickling were soon interrupted by a loud clearing of someone's throat. My head shot up, but other than that Ryan and I had both froze. My hands frozen on his chest, and Ryan's so wonderfully stuck on my hips. I say 'wonderfully' with extreme sarcasm. I swallowed hard as Drew looked us up and down with a raised eyebrow. Thankfully, he didn't look to angry, just a little agitated. Which is to be expected when another guy's hands are on your girlfriend's hips. It's a little strange.
Once the fog in my brain settled, I quickly took my hands off Ryan's chest and wiped my palms on my jeans. Ryan let his hands drop to his sides. They brushed against a sliver of exposed skin on my arm where the sleeve of my coat had ridden up. The touch left a trail of goosebumps on my arm, and it wasn't because of the cold.
"Hi...Drew," I managed after a few seconds of Drew looking from me to Ryan.
The strange expression on his face slowly faded into a smile. "Hey. I was just about to go to the mall to get some new shoes. You want to go with me?"
In my peripheral vision I could see Ryan's face fall at the mention of me going with Drew instead. "Sorry, Drew. I promised Ryan I would hang out with him today."
To my surprise Drew shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head. "I understand. You guys are friends. You need to hang out together. I'll talk to you later. Have fun."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stepped into the cafe, and took a long breath in of the familiar cinnamon scent. My eyes closed tight, and I rocked onto my tip toes as I took it in. I opened my eyes just the slightest bit, and saw Ryan with smiling at me with his hands stuck in his jeans' pockets. I let my eyes flutter open the rest of the way as we waited for a waiter to come and seat us.
A young guy with jet black hair showed us to a table for two beside a small little window. I landed gingerly in the wrought-iron chair across from Ryan who folded his hands on top of the menu. I grinned because I already knew why.
"Chicken and broccoli alfredo," we said in perfect unison. The waiter quirked his eyebrows and scribbled down the order on his notepad. He grabbed the unused menus and tucked them under his arm before sauntering off to the kitchen. That was probably the quickest order he'd ever recieved.
I grinned at Ryan who was sliding his coat off his arms. I opted to keep mine on since I got cold easily.
"Still the same, huh?" I commented, resting my chin on my hand.
Ryan smiled and nodded his head. "Some things never change," he agreed, casting a glance around the restaurant. It was french-themed with pictures of the Eiffel Tower and other famous french monuments hung above every table.
We chatted for a little while until our food came out, and then I remembered that I still hadn't asked him about going to court with Drew.
"Hey, Ryan. Last night Drew told me that the people working on Quentin and Will's case wanted him to testify against them on their court date next week. He asked me if we could go with him. I said yes, but I told him I'd have to ask you. You don't have to, but I thought it would be nice to be there to support him."
I watched as Ryan stared down at his plate, twisting his mouth to the side as he considered his decision. I knew he didn't trust Drew, but I really wanted him to be there.
"I guess I can. But I'm not going to support him, I'm going to support you," he said, taking a swig of water from his glass.
I sighed, and twirled my noodles around my fork. My bangs fell in front of my eyes and I looked up at Ryan through them. "What you told me in the storage closet the other day wasn't true, was it? Drew and I being together bothers you more than your letting on, doesn't it?"
Ryan rested his elbows on the table and ran a hand through his curls. "I'm going to be completely honest with you, Kels. I hate the idea of you being together. I don't tell you how I feel about you again, because we both know how I feel about you."
I pressed my lips together. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I knew that Ryan liked me as more than a friend. And it was becoming more evident as I watched his fingers tug at the collar of his shirt, that I might have still had some feelings for him.
"I'm not going to lie. It hurts to see you guys holding hands and making googly eyes at each other. I don't like it, but I can't make someone want to be with me if they don't. And no I don't trust Drew, but you already know that. So, there is the truth. That's how I feel, but what I said about wanting you to be happy was completely true. I want you to be happy, and if being with me isn't what would make you happy, then I don't want you to be with me," he explained, his blue eyes staring straight at me, much braver than usual.
I pressed my lips together and fought off the urge to tell him that being with him would make me happy. The only thing that kept me from blurting it out was the picture of Drew that was etched into my mind.
I nodded my head and forced myself to look into his eyes like he did to mine. "That's all I wanted to know."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stepping back into the freezing cold I hopped over a lone puddle that settled in a dip in the parking lot. I clutched my coat tight as Ryan walked with me back to my car. His curls blew back a little as the bitter breeze blew against us. I shivered and bit at my dry lip.
"Cold?" Ryan asked, placing a hand on my back as we crossed the street to the parking garage our cars were parked.
I rolled my eyes good naturedly. "No, not at all. Shivering uncontrollably is a hobby of mine," I replied sarcastically, my teeth chattering as I spoke.
Ryan chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. We made our way up the winding path to the second story of the parking garage where our cars were parked side by side. Even though we were parked so close together, Ryan still walked with me to my car. I had a feeling he wasn't ready to part just yet.
I leaned against the door of my car, and Ryan stood in front of me with his hands tucked into his coat pockets as usual.
"So...," he said, his lips making an 'o' shape. He rocked back and forth on his feet.
Before I could stop myself I found myself staring into his deep blue eyes. They were so inviting, like a pool you just wanted to jump into. I found myself carefully studying every inch of his face. His full, pink lips that naturally turned up at the corners. The way it made him look like he was always smiling made me feel all bubbly inside. My eyes traveled up to his curls that made you want to run your hands through them because they looked so soft, and fell in just the right way. As I stared up at him, all the old feelings that I had for so long started to creep back up. It was like they were traveling from somewhere deep inside of me and slowly making their way into my mind.
As those feelings started to creep into every single crevice of me I suddenly noticed how much closer we were than only seconds before. Ryan's face was slowly getting closer to mine, and I was suddenly encased in a world of shiny, sparkly blue. No matter how much I wanted this to happen, one thought rang louder than any other.
I couldn't kiss Ryan. Not when I knew that it would only be one kiss, and that I would go straight back to Drew. I refused to toy with Ryan's emotions that way. I couldn't just date another guy, and then whenever I felt just a twinge of feeling for Ryan, come crawling back to him for one kiss just because I knew I could.
Our lips barely grazed when I turned my head down. Ryan's lips collided with the top of my head, and he stumbled back in confusion.
"Ryan," I whispered, shaking my head that still hung down. I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed hard, but that couldn't stop the tear that escaped my eye. I'm not exactly sure why I was crying. I think it was mainly because I could see the crushed look on Ryan's face from the corner of my eye. A wave of guilt flooded through my body. He looked like a kicked puppy. In fact, he looked worse than a kicked puppy. He looked like a kicked puppy that had been left out in the pouring rain. I had let him place his hand on the crook of my back. I let him put the other on my cheek. I let him get close enough that our lips touched, but for only a second. It was like a tease, and I felt horrible.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he needlessly apologized as he dug the toe of his sneaker into the cement.
"No," I spoke quietly, raising my head to look at him, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have let it go that far. It's my fault, not yours."
He nodded his head slowly, obviously not disagreeing with that. "I-I guess I'm going to go," he said, turning to head back over to his car.
"Wait," I grabbed him by the wrist to stop him. He turned around slowly, and without hesitation I wrapped my arms around his back. This time he didn't hesitate, either. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
Lingering longer than we should have, pulling away faster than I wanted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I sighed as I neared the bridge we had went over earlier. It was dark out now. I had spent awhile just driving around to try and clear my mind.
My hands thumped against the steering wheel to the beat of the music in my car. My gaze fell over to where the couple I had seen earlier used to be standing. Thoughts of Ryan plunged through my mind again, and I groaned out loud. I never thought I'd be the girl who was caught up in a love triangle. That sounded way too chick flicky for my life. It was thought consuming to say the least.
I was just about to cross over the line where the bridge ended when something caught my eye. A flowy fabric swayed in the wind and I craned my head to get a better view.
Then, I realized that the flowy fabric was a dress, and the dress hung loosely on a figure. A figure that was standing on top of the railing of the bridge. It wasn't that that made me slam on my brakes, though. It was the familiar streak of pink in the cropped blonde hair.
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