Chapter 13: Just Believe

Chapter 13: Just Believe

A Chapter by Lydia

  The atmosphere in Ryan's living room was tense to say the least. Kelsey was seated (very awkwardly) next to Drew on one couch, and Ryan sat across the room from them on the other. The scene was something Kelsey had never imagined she'd have to experience. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and nudged Drew discreetly with her sneaker. His head snapped up quickly and his hands fidgeted around in his jacket. Ryan raised an eyebrow and looked at him expectantly. Kelsey could see that Ryan was still angry so she gave him a sharp look to which he shook his head and returned her with an irritated glance. "Well," he insisted, "I don't have all day."


  "Oh, um," Drew cleared his throat and gulped nervously, "Of course."


  Kelsey sighed and rolled her eyes. "Just tell Ryan what you told me," she instructed Drew; turning to look him in the eye, "And Ryan, I think it would also help him if you would kindly quit giving him the death glare. The kid is literally sweating," she added. It probably didn't help much that she pointed it out, though.


 Ryan pressed his lips together and leaned forward; resting his elbows on his knees. "This is insane," he muttered under his breath.


  Drew looked to Kelsey for some help, but she merely gestured for him to start explaining. She wasn't sure how long it would take before Ryan went off again.


And so he began to tell the story of Lauren's last night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

  "-and then I ran out the door. That's when I spotted Kelsey," the nervous boy finished.


     So the story had been told, and now all that they needed was Ryan's reaction. He had stayed pretty stone faced the whole time Drew was talking so Kelsey couldn't really read his emotions. "Okay, he told you his story. The story which I find to be pretty convincing. I know it's a lot to put on you since I was the one who dragged you into thinking that he did it, but we really need to know what you think. You're the one who talked to the police so you would have to be the one to talk to the police again."


   Ryan stood up; waving his arms in front of his face. "I-I need to think about this. Just....just give me a minute," he stammered before disappearing down the hallway.


  Kelsey watched him turn the corner of the hallway. What was he thinking?


   "That went better than I thought it would. Atleast I think it went okay. It did go okay, didn't it?" Drew questioned with a worried expression by the time he got to his last sentence.


 Had it went okay? Kelsey wasn't really sure. She still didn't know if Ryan was buying the story or not. "Yeah, it went okay. I'm going to go check on him, though, okay?"

 
  Drew nodded and Kelsey patted him on the shoulder before making her way to the last room at the end of the hallway. It had been a very long time since she had been in that room. It was still painted a light blue color, and all the furniture was the same. The only difference was the person inside the rooom. Last time there was a little nine year old boy playing with legos on the floor. Now there was a much older and solemn version of the boy sitting on the bed with his head against the wall.

 
 "Ryan?" She called quietly from the doorway.


  "I don't trust him," Ryan whispered without moving his head.


Kelsey quickly came and sat beside him on the bed. "Ryan, please," she begged," You're his only hope."'


  He slowly lifted his head from the wall and turned towards Kelsey. "Since when did you become such a pushover? Why do you believe him?"


  That question really made her think. Why did she believe him? She had never really liked him very much, and there was still a huge possibility that he could be lying. There was just this deep feeling in her gut that wouldn't let up. "I honestly don't really know. There is just something about his story that makes sense. I just can't let him go to jail if he didn't do it. Can you?" She looked him straight in the eye, and did her best to make her words really hit him. "Could you really let a potentially innocent person spend the rest of their life in prison for something that someone else did? The rest of his life, Ryan."


   It was like magic the way Ryan's facial expression changed. He lowered his head and shook it slowly. "Alright. If you feel this strongly about it then I'll support you. I've had your back through everything else; no point in stopping now," he reasoned, casting her his signature crooked grin.


  A wide smile grew across Kelsey's face, and she practically dove into Ryan; wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing tight. "Thank you so much, Ryan," she gushed.


"Your welcome," he replied, "Now let go of me before you choke me to death."


Kelsey laughed lightly and quickly pulled away. "Sorry."


  "I guess Drew and I will have to go back to the police station tomorrow. Hopefully they'll believe in him as much as you do. Honestly, I don't completely trust him, yet. I'm doing this for you, though."


Kelsey nodded quickly. She had to expect that it would take him a little longer to come around.

 

  Ryan nudged her arm, and she looked up to find his usual smug expression on his face. "You better be glad I love you so much," he teased.


There was that word again. "Love."
 



© 2012 Lydia


Author's Note

Lydia
Sorry it's taking me such a long time between each chapter. I've had really bad writer's block, and I keep going back on forth on wether I want to continue writing this or not. Tell me what you think! And sorry if it's too short. I'm trying to make the chapters longer, but it's a lot harder than you'd think.

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Reviews

This is the first and only chapter I've read, so I obviously only have a slight gist of what's going on. You use physical indications of mood nicely, such as with Ryan resting his head against a wall to think, and lifting his head reflexively for the mildly-confrontational final dialogue. I would suggest continuing to use that skill, because it keeps your show-to-tell ratio in a good place.

I also suggest breaking up paragraphs a bit; even though you correctly keep each paragraph to one characters "turn," the switches between private thoughts, physical actions, and speech provide you opportunities to break the work into more bite sized paragraphs, and to lend extra weight to key impressions via a double tap of the enter key.

I'm not sure this last bit is an appropriate comment for this chapter, but I suspect it is: this doesn't seem quite as tense as it should be. Of course, Ryan surprised everybody with his reaction; perhaps more hints of the anxiety at the beginning, would lend more emotion for the other characters as they watch Ryan being won over.

I'm rating this 80; the strongest points seem to be showing rather than telling, character consistency, and good sense of place established with few words.

Posted 12 Years Ago


love this chapter and teh length is fine, most of mine arent extremely long either and i seriously hope a love triangle isnt brewing and i hope Drew is innocent and Ryan doesnt get himself killed lol.

Posted 12 Years Ago



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Added on July 27, 2012
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Lydia
Lydia

Enchanting Wonderland of Fantasies, AL



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