This is beautiful. The only thing I would suggest is change "it's" in line 16, to "it is". This just makes the poem flow a little nicer for me :) This is such a sad poem but so wonderfully written that I can't help but like it. If this is about you, I'm sorry that you have to feel this way. It gets easier! :)
Thank you River :)I am glad you liked it.. I appreciate your kind words and concern.. Thanks again :.. read moreThank you River :)I am glad you liked it.. I appreciate your kind words and concern.. Thanks again :)
9 Years Ago
"it's" line 16 seemed to flow fine to me. Neat poem. Enjoyable read. Thank you.
I love the intent behind this one, a beautiful contradiction, yet no matter how confusing, we wouldn't want life the other way....because that's what makes us breathe, live, believe that all has a sense....
Beautiful work TLM :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you, Ana :)
"yet no matter how confusing, we wouldn't want life the other way....becaus.. read moreThank you, Ana :)
"yet no matter how confusing, we wouldn't want life the other way....because that's what makes us breathe, live, believe that all has a sense" - couldn't agree more. Our insanity makes us believe that our dreams make sense :).
That fine line is sometimes so fine, we miss it completely....:) But ironically, when we are driven insane by love, there is a sweetness to it, right? Splendid poetry! :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
I agree. . Sometimes that fine line can be missed completely. . Well. love is bittersweet ;). Thank.. read moreI agree. . Sometimes that fine line can be missed completely. . Well. love is bittersweet ;). Thanks for stopping by :)
I read this several times and in several ways before posting there is so much going on here. I thi k content has been reviewed well. Its very creative. Then I went back and really looked at the way its here...orange and blue separate the imagery from the narrative pieces. Thats good to let the reader know there's an important change. Then I went back and looked at the fonts. If you read just the italicized words gou almost have a poem within a poem. The regular font lines do not deliver on this front though. If you want a challenge see if you can do a rewrite and create a three in one poem. I don't think too much will need to be changed. It's just a thought but the unique change In fonts is Crying out for a td y
Thanks for stopping by Jaycee :). I am glad you consider my work to be creative. Hadn't actually tho.. read moreThanks for stopping by Jaycee :). I am glad you consider my work to be creative. Hadn't actually thought about this kind of a structure when I started writing. It just morphed into that structure. Ya, I could write a poem from 3 different perspectives (hopefully not too bad :P) :).
9 Years Ago
Sometimes things just turn out that way. My crazy brain likes to see if people are playing games wi.. read moreSometimes things just turn out that way. My crazy brain likes to see if people are playing games with their structure. I'm not sure I could do what I described to you. I have never tried it. Put I could see it happening here. If you rewrite part of this one as a slightly different post, send me a read request I'd love to see it.
9 Years Ago
Will definitely send a RR if I write something like that :). Yep, sometimes things just turn out tha.. read moreWill definitely send a RR if I write something like that :). Yep, sometimes things just turn out that way.
This is an amazing piece.
I have read three poems from your pages and I admit, I like the style and the choice of words, even the concepts.
You are an amazing poet. Keep it up!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you Dhaye for your lovely words. I am glad you liked this piece :)
This is a very powerful, very sad piece. It sort of grips you and doesn't let you off until you read to the very last line. I cared for my mother-in-law, who suffered from dementia, and I watched her slowly lose her mind. A very sad state, because it seems to happen to some of the brightest minds around. I thought the flow and rhythm were well done. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Its almost as if the mind has become detached and is apart from the former owner - too traumatised to stay where it once called home. The use of 'reality' rather than insanity opposite to 'sanity' - means its too late. The lines been crossed. Wow, LostMind you write moonshine for poetry. I feel like Im really drunk on it.
Such a deep and deeply personal write.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you Anto for this amazing review. :). Yes you are spot on .. sometimes you have to let go of .. read moreThank you Anto for this amazing review. :). Yes you are spot on .. sometimes you have to let go of certain things right? . You can let go when you know that they are safe and happy :). I am truly honoured by your words. Yes, reality is used instead of insanity because I can't differentiate between the 2 at the moment :P. thanks again :)
Ahhhh, the queen of pain and the faithful knight who tries to help to no avail. I liked the use of color that made this poem into two accounts. I liked the imagery and the uncertainty through the use of ellipses. Well done my friend. :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you MS :). I wish I was a knight. A queen of pain? You should see her when she is smiling. We .. read moreThank you MS :). I wish I was a knight. A queen of pain? You should see her when she is smiling. We all have our bad days :P. I am glad you liked it. .
A sad romance! I guess the stronger the love is, more devastating the pain. So if love is ocean filled worth, how bad will the pain be! Amazing change in perspectives. Her struggles and pain, intensify that much more spoken through a far away eye and his thoughts drenched with his own wrecked insanity bring it to a great close.
It's like a a sad disney movie :_(
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Your description here is quite picturesque :). if this is like a movie, I've gotto tell you, the s.. read moreYour description here is quite picturesque :). if this is like a movie, I've gotto tell you, the show is over :P. Thanks for this lovely and insightful review Sindu :)
I love reading poems. I will be reviewing your poems / stories as and when I get some time. I like honest reviews, so expect my reviews to be honest. If I have reviewed your poem, I have done it becau.. more..