This is beautiful. The only thing I would suggest is change "it's" in line 16, to "it is". This just makes the poem flow a little nicer for me :) This is such a sad poem but so wonderfully written that I can't help but like it. If this is about you, I'm sorry that you have to feel this way. It gets easier! :)
Thank you River :)I am glad you liked it.. I appreciate your kind words and concern.. Thanks again :.. read moreThank you River :)I am glad you liked it.. I appreciate your kind words and concern.. Thanks again :)
9 Years Ago
"it's" line 16 seemed to flow fine to me. Neat poem. Enjoyable read. Thank you.
Ah, relatable words, they mean so much to me seeing them from others. Beautifully phrased, and wonderfully straightforward, just my style. Seeing others pain hurts, but at the same time, they make me feel less alone, thank you for sharing your works with us.
An ocean of love that has been calmed as well as filled with waves so high that they at times seem to engulf one as they have the power to remind us to question what is sane, what is insane, what is real, what is an illusion. I like the format you have used, I like better the thoughts you present; thirsty, wings clipped, chilling winds, yet she braves them all. The other can't, though the effort is put forth. Love is like that. It is sad when one seems to triumph, and the other sinks in despair.
Please don't think I am doing something called RR.But as a new friend,it really intrigued me to open and exploit the talent in your fridge haha.Now,coming to this I would say,it appears to be some sort of urge which is not leading to a right path.Everything is in a perplexed state,muddled up.This is what makes us modern readers,to relate.Hard-hitting and fantastic job:)
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
I know I have been running in the wrong direction. .
"My delusional mind.. Walks the path..read moreI know I have been running in the wrong direction. .
"My delusional mind.. Walks the path..
Still denying.. That it's lost..."..:P
Everything is in a perplexed state? .. Maybe.. I like honest reviews. . Thank you :)
Thank you :). I am glad to hear that my write tugged at your soul :)
9 Years Ago
You are an amazing writer- your poem definitely provoked emotion, an emotion that I could relate to... read moreYou are an amazing writer- your poem definitely provoked emotion, an emotion that I could relate to. = But I meant to write- it's pulls at the heart and soul- not sure if that would have made a difference- but I just wanted to say that you have a very natural talent for poetry. Thank you for sharing this piece.
9 Years Ago
I thought you meant "it pulls at the heart ". Frankly, they mean the same. . I am flattered by your .. read moreI thought you meant "it pulls at the heart ". Frankly, they mean the same. . I am flattered by your comments sir / ma'am. Thank you for this awesome review :)
Well.... this poem is absolutely amazing. The first thing that got me hooked was the soothing font colors, very good choice, I must say! But don't even get me started on how much the content mesmerized me. The poem itself has many things going for it; the emotions and the vocab are just two things I can think of. I'm also impressed by how well you did using mostly fragmented thoughts. THAT is truly something hard to really pull off! I have to admit, I usually approach love poems skeptically, because a lot of them are just the same clichéd thing over and over again, but its ones like this that still give me hope for the love poem genre. This is breathtaking. :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you Dan, for this amazing review. I loved your detailed explanation of what you liked in my p.. read moreThank you Dan, for this amazing review. I loved your detailed explanation of what you liked in my poem.. yes, this poem is like a collection of thoughts from the same person.. the first part is directed towards a friend and the second one talks about how he feels... thank you, again .:)
The use of the different colored fonts is very effective. Palpable heartache and emotional strife throughout your poem. When the one you love is gone, the world is not a pretty place to be. Well written. Lydi**
I love reading poems. I will be reviewing your poems / stories as and when I get some time. I like honest reviews, so expect my reviews to be honest. If I have reviewed your poem, I have done it becau.. more..