Here I Am - Alone Again

Yup, again...

So here I am again - alone. I should have guessed that it would come to this. No one cared, after all. My parents hang over me, staring, angry and dissapointed. Dad would shout at me asking questions - "Why are you so stupid?" "Prove you're not stupid". It really got to me. My mum was never any help, she stood in the corner and backed away from the conversation. I think she cared about me more than my dad at times, but I could never be sure. I stared out over the city, the beautiful big city. I had always wanted to explore it, but I guess I'll never have the chance. For once, I felt free. Memories of school washed over me like a tornado - friends. Stupid, stupid friends. Friends who cared but just not enough. Friends who judged and pushed it aside. Friends who ditched you and forgot. I took a deep breath as a thought came to my head - would they care? Of course they would care. They were my friends. I smiled at the thought of them regretting everything bad they ever did, but then grief swam over me instead. I felt selfish - standing here on the roof, my feet dangling on the edge, just so people might finally notice me. My fingertips ran up my arms as the wind swept across the city. I fingered the goosebumps that covered my legs. I felt a teardrop fall, but I didn't understand why. I remembered running out of class one day, crying, because everything was too much. Everyone hated me. Everyone thought I was nothing. Nobody... cared. It wasn't because of that one stupid thing that happened, it wasn't because it started raining that morning. It wasn't because I forgot my homework, or my teacher yelled at me. It was just everything bad that ever happened, all rolled into one. I breathed out fast and unsteady, thinking that my breath might be the thing holding this misery inside me. Maybe I could just run away? I could go outside, call a cab, go somewhere - Paris, Vegas, New York. Anywhere but here. But as I looked down at the cars zooming past below, I knew I was imagining things. I wondered if it would hurt to die. I wondered what it would be like, if I woke up moments later, aching, in a hospital bed. I prayed it would never come to that. I edged closer to the drop. I began to cry. My insides crumbled, my stomach fluttered nervously. I rubbed my face with my hoodie sleeves. Who would I be remembered as? The stupid b***h who killed herself because she simply felt sorry for herself? Or was I just seeking attention. I looked up at the stars, counting each one slowly. I knew I was just stalling my time. My time. My time about to end. I was finally free.

Another cold wind swung through me, and knocked me over. I felt myself falling. This was it. What I had been planning all along. Slow motion. I fell backward, breathing in the sweet, smokey air. My eyes were covered in tears, I was blinded by a street lamp above me from the roof. Just as I felt my feet leave the edge, something frozen grasped me. I screamed in shock, terror, and a sudden relief. I looked up to see an old friend, one who I had sort of forgotten that she was ever there in the first place. I clung onto her wrist. "I'm sorry..." I whispered. She smiled as she started to cry with me. Police officers ran to the edge of the building to hoist me over. I was slowly pulled to safety.

I didn't know wether to be angry, relieved, sad, or simply grateful. I sat in the hopital bed, just as I had previously imagined, alone. The room was dusty and white, cold and grey. Boring. Creepy. An emergency button was next to me, the only thing with a touch of colour in the room. I had a hundred tubes stuck to me, I was sitting in a very unnatural position. I let out another breath, now knowing it wasn't going to be my last.

So here I am again. Alone.

Author's Note

Could be triggering I guess, contains a little bad language but that's it.

Reviews

[Kyle Sky]

This is great. I love the idea, theme and how the plot is able to flow decently in a short story such as this. I can also tell you that I can somewhat sympathize with the idea. But shall a great enough pain overwhelms, I hope for strength in spirit. Beautiful piece.