Talking To Myself

Beauty.

Have I embraced the darkness?

I write on.

Feeling my words are shallow.

This is all I have.

Whatever else I had, I just lost.

 

I come here because I am loved here.

I feel at home.

Home is nice, but am I getting too cozy?

When was the last time I saw full color?

            

I spend my days, defining integrity.

Perfection is what I’m chasing.

I’ve gone over the list multiple times.

I know exactly what I want.

I just…haven’t reached for it, yet.

 

I tell myself everyday how bad I am.

I tell myself everyday how good I am.

But to get off my a*s and prove either

Is something beyond my abilities.

Or at least, that’s another one of the many things

I have been using to talk to myself.

 

Although I sit with my own company “procrastinating”

While the others use it to better themselves,

I do have virtues many don’t.

 

I do not have a fear of sunlight nor people.

I get along with both just fine.

My physical self, however, is one I fear greatly.

I simply cannot do what I said I would.

Sticking to my own word is impossible to me.

 

I would much rather call myself stupid.

“I can’t.”

Isn’t that my anthem?

Big words are something I am great with.

Just look at what I’ve written so far!

And while I am lost in this illusion created by my talent,

Feeling I am worth at least something,

I just lost more valuable time.

 

So really, if I could just improve myself instead of impressing myself with my own failures

I’d do a lot better.

Author's Note

Couldn't find a better way to define my ramblings. Not really sure about this one. Let me know what you find flawed here :)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the rambling. I have books of rambling from my young days. I pull a poem out of it sometime. We are hardest on ourselves. Hard to see our usefulness. I always enjoy your poetry. Best words are written when we are hard on ourselves and need quiet time to gather our thoughts. Always good to write down words. Sort of a release. I hope you are feeling better. Thank you for sharing your thoughts today.
Coyote

[Blue Ivory]

Yes, I can see you and I are quite alike. It's an honor someone as great as you can enjoy my poetry. Yes, I do believe I am healing. Thanks a lot! :)

[Jack...]

I think you are amazing. I also think you have defined a great number of us here. Nice to see you back.

[Blue Ivory]

Thank you so much Jack :) I haven't had the chance to review much lately but I do read. And I haven't posted anything since as I am working on a pretty big poem right now. Glad you could relate to the piece.

[icelandicblue]

A wonderful stream of consciousness here. We all have moments of doubt and bravado. We mull over our circumstances and our choices. We sometimes paralyze ourselves spending so much time thinking we are unable to move. I think many of us can relate to this piece.

[Blue Ivory]

Thank you :) It's true, writer's block is a common pain in the a*s :P