Let The Love Be Your Existence

After some feedback, I've revamped the piece and this is the 2nd draft. Still welcoming more opinions :) (The poem is to be read by myself at my sister's wedding next month).

As a river flows to discover
its harbour in the sea,
they drift alike in form and colour
for they were made to find each other.
As the sun fits perfectly into places in the sky
so naturally does a heart fit a mind,
for they were made for you,
to be entwined.

A song with incomplete lyrics
remains unheard and unfinished
until you find the words.
Let the love be your existence
and the fervour be your verse.
Sing that song with replete passion:
‘for better or for worse’.
It lives beyond the heavens
and it lives beyond the Earth.

It sparks a fire in the snow storms
and gleams sunshine in the rain.
It’s a somebody to live for
and an amenity through pain.
It’s that sprite spirit in your ardour
and a fuel within your core
that gives you light when days get darker
and burns a beacon on the shore.

And if we hold on through the shadows
we can last the end of time,
thrive in all the peace that follows
and make this life sublime. 

Author's Note

Thanks for the feedback so far, I really appreciate it.

Reviews

[Mia]

“As the sun fits perfectly into places in the sky”
I love that line! A deep long lasting love…
Actually that’s what I love the most about this poem…it’s not a fluffy infatuation love it’s a deep long lasting love. Not void of passion by no means but realistic and in being so it’s romantic. Nothing more beautiful than an old couple holding hands, fingers intertwined. This poem is the marriage and not the wedding and I love that. I know why your sister asked you to do this, and I imagine even though she knows how incredible talented you are…you still managed to surprise her…
“And if we hold on through the shadows
we can last the end of time,
thrive in all the peace that follows
and make this life sublime.”
Ai karamia! YES PLEASE!!

[TheJordBaker]

Thanks again Mia :) I'm glad you liked it as it was certainly a challenge to put together!! lol. I'm glad it went down well at the ceremony as I was shaking like crazy reading it!!

[Mia]

I'm glad it went well too :)

[.]

"they drift alike in form and colour
for they were made to find each other.
As the sun fits perfectly into places in the sky
so naturally does a heart fit a mind, " these are such beautiful words, Jordan. They will be proud. Great job,my fellow bard.

[TheJordBaker]

Thank you very much Cord my good friend.

[C.C. Marx]

My favorite stanzas would be one and four, and like Jacob though as lovely as 2 and 3 are, they just don't seem like they belong with those other two. But the poem was beautiful none the less

[TheJordBaker]

thanks, I appreciate it :)

[C.C. Marx]

My pleasure!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think it would have more impact if you just used the 1st , 4th and last stanzas as the complete poem....the 2nd and 3rd stanzas almost feel like a detour..

they are nice stanzas in themselves, maybe a separate poem..

but the flow would be much better putting those three stanzas together..
just thoughts...and i am only one reviewer.
it will be really nice for you to read this at the wedding.
jacob

[TheJordBaker]

thanks very much Jacob