To love

Love poem i'm continuously working on, but as a romantic and a passionate writer, i love it with every bone in my body

To love is to live

To live a life for another

In another’s arms you lay

Crying and smiling

Alive even when dead

To love is to cheat

To cheat death in memory

To cheat a heart meant to be broken

Call it love

Don’t call it hate

Because even if you lost

You still loved

And it’s better to love

Than to never take a risk

Because someday that risk will pay off

 

To love is to disappear

you shall not fear but

Hide yourself my dear

fate is not always yours to create

With every breath he makes

Her soul continued to break

Like a scorpion’s dance

The sting burned without chance

Unintentionally she died

Surviving was not the game she played

Once she lost so did he

Oh did he learn today was not the day she died

Her corpse was not his to hold

A lover, a betrayer

Happiness after the cheat who breaks her

Time passed, bells rung, children cried

Stones of grey sat with tears and smiles alike

Together forever they lay

Uncheated was she

Silly maybe

But just as real as the past she came from

History told and made

Now that’s love my dear

Real as ever

Despaired and triumphant

For all to see, for all to love

Reviews

[747]

I love your first stanza. I really like your second stanza too, "Call it love / Don't call it hate" I like how powerful that line is.

I feel like into your 3rd stanza and a bit from the second you're a little hard to follow though. You have beautiful lines but I have a hard time connecting all of them and understanding all their implications and meaning.
For instance, when you're talking about her dying, is this an emotional or physical or metaphorical death? Is this like a Romeo & Juliette story?
I just feel a little confused about what you're really trying to say through the 3rd stanza of your poem.

I do really love your phrasing though, and your descriptions in such short lines are amazing. I can see you've got a strong theme of love here, and I hope you can make it even more powerful to your readers!

[ThePhoenixWriter]

hey thanks for the feedback. i love critique, and it was metaphorical, i was a bit too vague and cryptic sorry bout that, but sometimes it's necessary to be poetic, anyhow thanks, hope to hear from you again.

[747]

That's fair. We all have our reasons. Happy to help.