Things Go Bad Quickly

I wrote this only to get this off my chest. I don't know why but this event is still haunting me and I feel extremely stressed about this. Please let me know what you think I should do...

When I was about 14 and a half I decided that I was going to do something with my life. I decided I wanted to help others through tough times and through confusing issues. I wanted to help those with day-to-day problems. Whether it be cutting, suicide, relationships, or any other form of problem I would talk with these people. I would give them advice and do what I could to help them.  A year later I had talked with over 400 people and gave many of them a friend they never had. Someone they could share their deepest thoughts and worries. Many eventually quit talking with me and would move on with their lives, although many did this a few decided to stay for a while. One girl in particular was one who stayed. She affected my life forever and I affected hers forever.  We talked constantly and all the time. It became constant routine. In the end she wanted a relationship, which is something, I cannot provide and one with which no matter what something bad would’ve been the outcome. I guess I might have been leading her on without my knowledge and without realizing it. Anyways, one day I receive a text from one of her male friends where she lives. He tells me that I shouldn’t speak with her ever again. He told me that I was ruining her life and making her current state worse. I didn’t understand how I could’ve been causing her more harm than good but I believed him because he knew her in real life and she had quit talking to me about her cutting and other conditions. I quit talking to her. She didn’t take it well at all. About a week later I started to receive texts from her number. It was the guy who had told me to quit speaking to her. It turns out she really hadn’t taken it well. She had taken a knife from her kitchen and drove it through her chest. He told me that she had attempted to take her life. He told me she was in ICU and was under a medically induced coma. A few days later, the guy keeping me updated, the doctors woke her up. When she had finally awoke she had no memory of her actions and of what had happened. She slowly came to learn what had happened and what she had done. And understandably she looked for someone to blame therefore she blamed me. I allowed her to blame me rather than blame herself and rather than blame her friend. I had never told her about what happened and never will. She will hate me for the rest of her life but that is okay with me. As long as she never comes to find out the real truth.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar please I wrote this during class on a very stressful day.