MidnightThoughts

Chapter One:

I thought I should write this. We are talking about audience a lot in comp, but what if I do not know whom I address this to, or if it will ever be read, maybe it is simply for me. To ease my weary adolescent mind. Let the eloquence flow and stop the constant gibberish that drains sloppily out of my mouth.

I thought maybe I should right you this, as a letter almost.  One of those “brilliant” moments you have while in the shower, an “hmm, maybe-change-my-major-or-dropout-or-text-him-first” moments that seem to be released with a little bit of soap and steam. And then I thought, it could be a ballad. I will write you a letter to read on the night of our wedding about the first moment I realized that I am in love with every aspect of your existence.

And then another thought crept up on me, maybe you do not like me. Like, like like me. Middle school crush, check yes or no like me. And to think being in college has put me past the stage of playground puppy love, but I still am absolutely infatuated with even the slightest thought of you and giggle when we text and call me pretty, but I do not know if you love me like I do.

See the thing is, I am trying to impress you. I am trying to show you that I can be your dream girl. I can do it. I will go out and buy your favorite food when you have had the shittiest day ever. I will give you a massage after the gym and let you sit around and do nothing if that is what you want. Because all I want is for you to be happy. And if you choose to not be happy with me, tell me what I did wrong. Because if looks are not important, although I am “pretty” and you say you have a great time talking to me so what else is there?

Somehow the stars have led you and I to each other. We were both searching, and I thought we found what we were looking for, but the feeling has changed oh so suddenly.

I want to belt to the Milky Way how much I love you, but I am afraid I will not even receive an echo of my own voice back in response. And while I go to sleep to the starless sky, I shall think about what I could have said differently and wake up and try to impress you all over again.

Because right now at this very moment, you are he only thing that matters to me.