Masks

My college essay in the making

Eric Volpe
7/1/12
College Essay
                 

                  Masks

 

I need to stop doing this.  Each time a different story, but with the same exact ending.  No results gained but much lost.  Time, energy, tears, and in the worst cases blood all gone.  I was my own worst enemy and I knew it.  I embraced it.  I allowed my path of self-destruction to go on every night and every morning as long as the façade of happiness was in reach. I looked into my wardrobe each time and each time come out with a different mask.  Masks, that’s what he sold.  Well, he didn’t sell them he gave them out to those whom needed them.  Those who he felt could use them, who he would say to “What a terrible fate you have cursed upon you.”  A curse?  Can my fate be a curse?  If so how would I know what my fate is?  I wonder why the salesman told me those 17 years ago.  This is due to the fact that I haven’t seen him since he gave me my first mask.  This one mask made my life easier, it made it possible for me to function and please everyone.  However, as time went on my mask lost its usefulness.  People soon forgot what my face truly was and accepted the mask.  Masks were the answer though.  If one mask wasn’t enough more must have been the answer.  Answers, such a funny concept, mainly because life has no true answers.  It was by now that life and I were very the same because I held no truth, each mask covered my face and each time a lie was born.  The masks slowly grew into a part of me and as they became a part of who I was I lost a part of who I am.   Time was my enemy and slowly punishing me for the act of hiding behind the masks.  Time however, is a tricky being.   Time is meant to let those who need to recover heal.  However, time was my enemy hurting me each passing day. Time caused the masks to fade the longer I used them, they faded into to pure whiteness and yet, I still tried to wear them.  Even if they were used up, they could still cover my face.  My face, a face that even myself today doesn't know.  This is why I search, search for that façade of happiness.  Maybe, I hope, just maybe if I can become happy the masks can truly fade away.  Hoping that one day I can be saved and my true faced relieved.  Each time I tried to be saved I ended up hurt.  I end up losing the person or pushing them away.  The masks repel those who I wish to love me every single time they get close.  It’s only when the mask can be seen through that I can be saved.  Saved by the person who can see through and break the masks I wear.