Fateless-Chapter 3

This is how many of the chapters are going to be written; with the story following new characters every chapter and the angel showing up in each one.

Floating through the night sky, he felt a strange force tug at his soul. Something was calling him. Following the pull, he changed his flight to the new direction.

"Come on Carissa, please?" he pleaded.
"No! You've let me down too many times!" she shot back. "I'm not going to your stupid party."
"But I'm your boyfriend."
"Not anymore!" Carissa interrupted.
There was a pause. "You're breaking up with me?"
"Yes."
"Over the phone?"
Carissa glared at the telephone in her hand.
"I thought you were different, but it seems my friends were right all along. I shouldn't have trusted you at all! You came this close to hitting me the other night. It's time I found someone who will love me better."
There was another pause. "Look, what happened that night made me realize how much of a loser I've become. I don't want that. I want to be someone better, someone that deserves you, and someone you deserve."
His words touched Carissa, and she stood in a shocked silence.
"Nathan," she started, but couldn't think of a proper response.
"So, will you come?"
"I don't even like Anthony, why should I go to his party."
"It's his going-away party, It's the last time we'll be able to see him in years."
"But why do I have to come?"
"Because you're my girlfriend," Nathan said, "and no matter how good a friend Anthony is, I can't put time with him over time with you."
Carissa sighed. "Fine, I'll come, to be with you."
"Good. I'll be there in ten minutes. Bye Carissa."
"Bye Nathan." She hung up.
Carissa walked into the bathroom and opened up the medicine cabinet. Ever since she was a small child, she had a rare lung condition that required a strange combination of drugs to keep functioning. She took those pills now and swallowed them with a glass of water. Returning to her room, she brushed her hair and then stood in front of the full-length mirror to admire herself.
She had an average-looking face with hazel eyes and shoulder-length hair that was colored a light brown. She lowed her eyes to the rest of her body and smiled. Even though her face wasn't as pretty, she had a perfectly shaped body that made all of her friends jealous.
A thought occurred to her, "Could this be why Nathan loves me so? Because of my body? He said over the phone that he had changed, I guess tonight will be the night I find out."
A car horn beeped from outside. Carissa took one last deep breath and walked out to Nathan's car.

Anthony's house was somewhere out in the country, and judging by the number of cars parked outside, there were quite a few guests attending the party. The heavy bass beats of a hip hop song radiated out of the house. Nathan led the way to the door to have it opened for him by Anthony himself.
"Hey, Nate! Good to see ya!" The two clasped hands and shared a short, manly hug.
"Come on in!" Anthony waved, and turned back into the house.
The three passed through a kitchen, where a large bowl of punch sat on the counter. Anthony poured the other two a cup.
"Don't worry, it's not spiked or anything."
Nathan gave a short smirk and drank his cup.
"Come on Carissa," Nathan smirked, "lets see who else was happy to see Anthony leave."
"You dick." he said back, and showed them to the living room.
There must have been over a dozen people there, all drinking punch and gossiping together. Their conversations were unintelligible under the loud fury of music. Nathan led Carissa forward into one of the circles of gossipers to join in.
A few hours passed, with Carissa gradually opening up and becoming more social."Maybe things will work out between us," Nathan thought. He looked over to see her smile and accept a cup of punch from another boy named Caleb. Nathan walked over to the kitchen and refilled his own cup . When he turned around, Caleb stood in his way.
"You should thank me; I made your job a lot easier tonight."
Nathan was confused. "What? How so?"
"Just a little sedative in her cup, that's all, nothing dangerous. But in a few minutes, she'll be all yours.
"S**t! This was my last chance! Why'd you have to ruin it?!"
"Ruin? You're pathetic for not acting sooner. If I was you, I'd do all sorts of things to that gorgeous..."
"F**k you!" Nathan interrupted, "we're leaving."
Brushing past the other boy, he walked over to Carissa, who was happily laughing with some newly-made friends.
"Get up. We're leaving." he demanded.
"What?" she asked, confused, "I was just starting to have fun! You can't make me leave."
"Coming here was a mistake. I'll explain everything once we're away. Now let's go."
She glared at him, but stood up anyway. Suddenly, her body wavered and she almost lost her balance. Her eyelids drooped with fatigue.
"Nathan..." she slurred.
"Don't talk. Let me take you out of here."
Letting her lean her weight on him, Nathan led her out the door to his car.

Scenes of night flashed past the windows as Nathan ignored speed limits. He glanced over at Carissa, whose head was lolling forward in extreme fatigue. Suddenly, she sat up straight and vomited all over the dashboard. Nathan swore out loud. She was worse than he thought. He slowed the car to a stop and parked on the edge of the road. He stepped out of the vehicle and walked over to the passenger's side. As he opened the door, Carissa began seizing violently, throwing her arms and head around as if she were possessed by demons. Nathan picked up the struggling girl in his arms and laid her down on the grass off the side of the rural road.
Her seizures decreased into mild twitches and shivers. Nathan noticed a small bottle on the ground, knocked from Carissa's pocket by her spasms. It was a partially full bottle of prescription medicine with an unpronounceable name. "Was this what caused all this? Did this have a bad reaction to the sedative?" Nathan looked over at Carissa again to see her shaky breathing cease altogether.
"No!" he exclaimed, crawling closer to her side. He pulled out his cell phone and was ready to call 911 when a voice stopped him. "It won't work." Nathan's head shot up, looking at this boy who had silently approached. "The ambulance won't get here in time."
Nathan stood up. Glaring at the suspicious individual, he saw that he was dressed in a black cloak with a hood that surrounded a perfect, youthful face.
"How would you know?" Nathan challenged.
"I can control the powers of death. I am your only hope to save your beloved." he spoke solemnly.
"I'll show YOU death!" Nathan roared, and charged the boy, balancing his weight for a powerful tackle.
With minimal effort, the cloaked youth's hand shot out, impacting Nathan's chest with an open-palmed punch. Nathan flew backwards and crashed to the ground, coughing as he tried to sit up.
"Don't-" he choked out, seeing the mysterious boy walk closer to Carissa. "Come... fight me."
The stranger slowly turned his head to face the prone Nathan. His mouth remained unchanged but in his flat gray eyes a spark of light shone.
"I now know what brought me here." he spoke, his voice slightly altered to match his eyes."I was wrong. You do deserve her. You would still protect her against me; in other words, facing impossible odds. I was going to let her die, even though she didn't deserve it. But now I've changed my mind." The boy knelt down over the motionless Carissa, placing his palm above her heart. The air between rippled as an invisible energy passed through it. Suddenly, Carissa inhaled sharply, and then her breathing settled to normal.
Amazed, Nathan exclaimed, "Thank you! Thank you!" and crawled over to his lover's savior's feet. "I won't forget this! I promise. I'll change myself for sure! I'll love her right this time!"
The cloaked boy's voice had returned to it's original melancholy tone. "You better, because I've marked your heart."
Nathan pulled down the collar on his shirt; a silver scar marked where he had been struck.
"If you ever break her heart, your heart will break with hers. But while she will recover from hers, you will forever mourn the loss of your relationship, and never love another."
Nathan nodded, tears of relief streaming from his eyes. Then the cloaked figure bowed his head and faded into the darkness.

Author's Note

I had originally planned that the angel would break Nathan's heart there and then, as punishment for being so careless and taking her against her will to the party. But while writing this, I kind of felt sorry for him, and had the angel give him this ultimatum instead.

Reviews

[HorrorMaster]

Pretty good I like the ending to this story

[Coyote Poetry]

I like how you ended this story. This is my kind of savior. The story started strong. A break-up by phone can be dangerous. A woman will come looking for revenge. Complete chapter was very good. I like the ending a lot.
Coyote

[H-Jonesy]

Interesting...
I liked it. It shows that some men need to learn to better love their girlfriend/wife. I mean, no we dont need a cloaked figure going aroudn maarking peoples heart...im getting off topic again...
Alright, the writing its self was nice, but I always expect you to come out with a greater vocabulary, I think that if you swaped out some words for...i dont want to sound like an 8 year old but, biger words, so to speak, it would add that much to your writing. Great write I shall continue on!-

Harmony

[Kita Tataki (Emily Conn..]

:o That was a great twist at the end, I totally didn't see that one coming! I really like the whole literal version of the breaking hearts idea, its original and fresh! Keep up the good work!