Fateless-Chapter 1

The young boy smiled as the nurse bid him goodbye as she left the room. He slumped back into the hospital bed, feeling the combination of cancer and drugs course through his veins.There had been good news today. His family had come to see him, and the doctor told them all that the treatment had been successful so far; the cancer had slowed down.
"Maybe I could go back to school eventually" The prospect of playing with his friends again widened his smile. He closed his eyes; letting the soft beeping of the monitors lull him to sleep.
A calm, smooth voice woke him.
"Patrick," it said. The young boy ignored it.
"Patrick," the voice repeated, the tone unchanging.
He opened his eyes.
A black-cloaked figure stood at the foot of his bed, his face hidden by the shadow of the hood. Patrick's breath caught. "Who is this? How did he get in? I didn't hear him enter. He shouldn't be here!"
The mysterious figure pulled back his hood, revealing a perfectly handsome teenage face and strange white hair that swayed around his head giving him a radiance as if he had a halo.
"Are... are you an angel?" asked the scared ten-year-old.
"Angel, devil, grim reaper, I've been called all of those," he said in his silky smooth voice.
Patrick's mind raced. He was religious and believed in God, but was always skeptical when it came to angels. People would sometimes see visions of them when they were about to die, or had just been saved.
"Are you here to cure me?" asked Patrick, hoping it was the latter. He tried to sound bright and hopeful, but his voiced was laced with worry.
The stranger's voice was solemn, "No, I am here to kill you. But first, I think you should know why."
"No! The treatment is working! I should be able to live! I have friends and family that love me!"
"I'm sure they do, but truly, this is for the best."
His eyes widened in shock and disbelief. "What?...How?"
"Your death will bring your family and community closer together like nothing else can. It will show them to value their lives and to love one another better. I'd say they sure need it."
Patrick was paralyzed at the angel's words. Nobody deserves to die, especially not himself.
"No! You can't!"
"I'm sorry, Patrick."
The boy whimpered as his executioner drew a long sword out of his cloak. The blade reflected an impossible amount of light, making Patrick unsure of whether or not it was actually glowing.
The boy saw only the hand and the sword as they lunged forward towards him, piercing his chest, causing an unbearable pain. His screams echoed down the hall, sending medical staff of all kinds rushing to his aid.
"He was fine a few hours ago," said the nurse, staring in disbelief at the wailing monitors telling her that this boy was dying.
"The tumor must have ruptured, we need to get him to surgery NOW!"
The cloaked teenager stood in the room, unseen by the doctors and nurses. As the dying boy was wheeled away, he thought he could see a tear roll down the face of his executioner.

Reviews

wow

[tizzy k]

tht was great

[H-Jonesy]

Ive forgotten how much I enjoy your work.
But this was very good, I liked how you portrayed the Angel, so to speak. There was a lot of emotion in this piece, as there is when someone dies. I have to say I like that you gave a reason as to why the child must die, and the reason, to bring a comunity togeather, is ususaly what happens after something tragic , like this, happens in a comunity.
This was well written, and captured my attention. Nicely done C:

Harmony.

[Hidden_identity]

This is a very good start to a story. It must be hard for the executioner to have to kill people. I sure couldn't do it. There are a lot of emotions in this chapter. Just as the boy was feeling hopeful, Death came. That should put a smile on his face. Anyways, it has a very good hook. Hooked me right away. I love it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Being Death would take a hard heart. You create a very strong first chapter. Death always bring strength and power to a story. I like the boy and his great dreams. A excellent first chapter.
Coyote

[HorrorMaster]

wow very good chapter

[clairenicole285]

wow.....that made me think alot about cancer and death and just how bad things can get for kids....you made me realize that i have to be grateful for everything i have and not forget that things like cancer can end all of that. great job.

[Marlena]

I like it, the idea is cool but...well, no offense, but I've read stuff like this before. The idea of the angel/devil has been around for a while. Try changing it up a bit to keep it fresh. Otherwise thoug, I liked this. Lots of emotion :)