Sacrifice

We introduce our protagonist, Jared and his crush, Emily.

I will never let you fall.

I'll stand up with you forever.

I'll be there for you through it all.

Even if saving you sends me to Heaven.

The music played as he walked. It helped settle his emotions, this combination of music and walking. And for Jared, right now he needed some time to be alone. Walking was a much better solution than crying or getting upset, both of which he could have easily done.

Jared's felt like his life was falling apart in front of him like a house of cards. In the past six months, all of his friends had either moved away or forgotten about him. Even his foster brother, Ryan left. Jared had lived with Ryan for the past three years and had been like a big brother to him. He helped Ryan study and stood up for him when the bullies picked on him. And now, Jared's last and best friend was forced to leave him because of a legal dispute.

Jared heard someone call his name and looked up from the sidewalk. It was Emily Hart.

Emily. So tall, and slim, and beautiful. And she held a quiet strength that made her respected by all of the other students. No rumors or insults could ever make her lose confidence. She also had this positive atmosphere about her that made anyone she talked to instantly cheer up. Jared wished he had that, especially then in his depressed state. He remembered how he couldn't believe it when she had asked him to dance with her at last month's Spring Dance. So he, Jared Martyn, the recently-made social outcast, had danced with Emily Hart, the girl with all the friends. He couldn't stop thinking about her after that night.

He turned off his music and took the phones out of his ears as she neared him. He stopped as she approached, but she made a gesture with her hands that told him to keep walking like he was, they would talk while walking.

There were no cars and no other pedestrians in this residential neighborhood. No one to witness their conversation. Not that anyone would have believed them. Jared knew she had something to say, so he pushed all of his current thoughts to the back of his mind and waited for her to speak.

"Jared, I was going to tell you this at school tomorrow," she said, "but now that I've found you here, I might as well tell you."

"Mmhmm," he nodded, trying to keep his cool.

"Look, some," she hesitated, "friends of mine wanted to invite you to a party at April's house. You know her, right?" She sounded embarrassed, but determined not to give herself away.

"You want me to come?" Jared, asked, disbelieving. "Why would you invite ME?"

"It..." she stuttered, "THEY invited you, not me. They think you're a pretty cool guy. They heard about Ryan, and wanted to cheer you up." Jared had the suspicion that she was lying, and that it was her idea to invite him.

"Okay, I'll come," Jared smiled. This was a chance to get to know Emily better, and meet some of her friends too.

"Great!" she beamed, "Oh, and it's at 7:00 this Saturday." And then her face turned from enthralled to confused as she looked past him to the street.

Jared followed her eyes to a suspicious black car with darkened windows that was slowing down on the far side of the street. A window rolled down and a gun poked out at them, glinting in the sunset sky. Jared had seen too many movies not to know what was coming next.

Without the slightest hesitation or conscious thought, he turned to Emily and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body close to his and standing in front of the deadly barrel. The loud cracks from the pistol sounded like thunder down the quiet street. Jared felt the slugs rip through his back and sink deep into his torso. He fell forward, pulling Emily down with him.

The metal bullets in his back seemed to burn and freeze his flesh at the same time. He tried to breathe but could not. Try as he might, his body would not take in any air. His mouth filled with blood and his vision became blurry. Emily's screams were only a faint whisper in his ears.

And then his vision went completely dark and his mind collapsed around him.

Author's Note

Whew, was that too much for you guys to take in?
The song at the beginning is called "Your Guardian Angel" and is by a band called The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Besides being my favorite song, I thought it would foreshadow the rest of the chapter.

Reviews

[Unwelcomeguest]

Well that was totally unexpected. A great ending. I won't go in to too much detail but there are a few minor grammar errors and places where commas should or should not be although they in no way effected my enjoyment of the story. Infact if it wasn't for my constant need to find something wrong I would never have spotted them. I do very much empathise with Jared, his character is beleivable and well written so kudos to you. Emily also benefits from your narrative skill though I would say that your descriptions of her left a little to be desired. Don't go over the top but maybe just a little bit more to pad her out as a character. Finally the gun. A missed oppourtunity for a bit of dramatic description in my oppinion but more than made up for when the bullets finally hit. A good read and a great start.

[Dreamer<3]

I love this first chapter. It really makes the reader, in my opinion, want to keep reading, which I'm going to do(:

[Mizuki Tsukiakari]

"I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven."
That is so beautiful...

[Dutch Jr.]

Your description at the beginning of the chapter set the stage well, and a good lead into the shooting. It's supposed to be abrupt, so minimal detail is necessary. Nice work.

[Wylderness]

nice story, surprise or is it suprise, i always forget. I'm wondering who the intended audience is for this piece, young adult, teens, adult? I'm concerned with the violence, is it appropriate for the intended audience is all i was wondering. Reads like its intended for a teen audience but I of course can't know for certian. where's the rest of it?

[Call Me Crazy]

Whoo I know that song! OK, that was pretty cool. I mean, also incredibly sweet, the whole instant protection and death for someone else thing. And you have really good descriptors. I agree, the ending description was really nice and dramatic.
I was a little confused though- if Emily is the girl whose positive and confident and respected, why does she seem like she DOESN'T want to go to the party with Jared? I mean, she asked him to the dance, and now she's acting all shifty. And he still dies for her. I really admire his selflessness and general kindness. It's a good trait for a protoganist who is later an angel (I am assuming).
PS- WHOOOOOOOOOO RYAN! Good name choice :)