A Cruel Heart

From that morning we first kissed

On New Year's Day,

I put my hands on my entirety and pushed it forward

And went all in.

I took all of your abuse, and gave none of my own.

Nothing of mine was too good to give to you.

I gave up my doubts and gave you my kisses.

I gave up my friends and gave you my attention.

I gave up my personality and gave you my bare heart.

But because that was too much for you:

I built that last one up again.

I made myself anew

With a new personality; this time in an image reflective of my heart.

But there was still a problem.

We both learned what my heart and soul were like.

Demanding.

Manipulative.

Violent.

Cruel.

A cruel heart for cruel tragedy.

Nothing other than affection could cover it up and weaken it.

But who could show affection to such a cruel heart?

A cruel tragedy for a cruel heart.

But still it was a heart that loved you.

Then when things got rough,

And affection ran out,

Love alone could not keep the demons in chains.

You might say I went crazy.

But I have never been more like myself.

You finally saw the truth:

That you could not love the real me.

I saw the truth too:

That no one could love the real me.

Not that I'd blame them.

There was only one thing left to do.

You left me.

And you took my chips with you.

I went all in

And I lost it all.

I was not like most people.

I could not live for anything but love.

Love was the meaning of my life.

The search for love was the sole quest for my black soul.

What a paradox.

My very purpose in life

Was the reason it could not be fulfilled.

A cruel tragedy...

For a cruel heart.