My worst addiction...

Its not a plant
Not the combustible carcinogens of a green flower
Or the tar and nicotine smoke that travels down my lungs daily when I wake up
After meals
Especially not after Sex

Its not the mirror I look at
Making 100% sure that the reflection is not as damaged as I see it to be
Not the eyes that hide secrets and stories of lies and greed and lust
Not the eyes that if looked deep enough into...
Show a weak
Lonely
Little pathetic s**t deep down

It's not a beer drank out of frustration...
Or whatever else excuse I used to make to drink
To kill that pain
To sleep
To forget Iraq and the death and the bombs my eyes saw

Its not even Her...

It's the pain I inflict on myself by stretching my arm out so far trying to reach back into that life
Into who I was with Her
Into what I was when I had Her
It's the feeling of pain that makes me know I am still alive when many times I should've died

It's knowing that God let the Drunk man live
It's knowing the last ditch effort that one did to fix all his mistakes
It's knowing that I went over to Hell on earth for a year
It's knowing that I never came back from there

Wondering if I ever will...

Reviews

[tobedetermined]

Wow, this is very raw. I know the usual cliches about how it will get better won't make pain go away. But the writing about it helps alot (unless this is a fictional write... and in that case.. well done.. in any case real or not, well done)..