In my downtime

So.. I wrote on here for a few days... If you know me well, you know why, if you don't, you may still know why, and if that's the case, would you care for a bullet in the head? I could use the release.

Hm. So, where is the head at?

Well... I was looking over some things, and realized that it's difficult to push forward towards an necessary end when the means can appear brutal and hypocritical at close range.. Does that make sense? Yes. Sometimes we have do things we do not agree with to accomplish something... It sort of scares me to believe this, because, well, look what happened to the Jews...

Yes, it's a human blessing and curse to be able to rationalize a means to any end, however; it's another human blessing and curse to be able to believe that doing such things is purely wrong... So what is it?

Can both be right? both be wrong? Of course, only a fool believes the universe is painted in two colors. But how? How can I sleep at night, or take to my grave that I do and say things that I disagree with to accomplish something? Well... Belief in the end, doesn't do it for me... This is where I start to creep myself out... This is where faith comes in..

What is faith? According to the dictionary, it's "Belief that is not based on proof"... To me? It's a couple of things...

It's an understanding of purpose without reason
It's companionship when you're standing completely alone
It's complete and utter insanity....

So how does faith help in this particular instance. Faith me reminds of the purpose that is easy to lose amidst the details, and it buys me some companionship. Who? Most likely another personality or 10, but someone else to talk through things with. and..... If divinity exists, then it is truly divine, giving me faith that it will understand and appreciate my rationalization of its presence. If divinity cannot appreciate such a rationalization given the circumstance and players involved, then just how divine is it?

Still want to talk me out of seeing a psychologist?

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"You never wonder how the world is wrapped around, your hidden fear, take one step back"

Value of opinion... Someone has suggested to me more than once that, my opinion is more important than everyone else's and they wished I had my own opinion. That they know I'm far more intelligent than someone who has to adopt the opinion of others as their own...

Well... My first reaction to this statement was to take it at literal face value. I thought to myself... How can the value of one persons opinion be greater than a collective opinion of a group of people... This lead me down a series of paths..

1) For some reason my opinion is abnormally important to this particular individual

2) The opinions of this particular group hold less value to this particular individual than someone they're less familiar with

3) This person is just toying with me, grasping at straws to regain their place on top of the power struggle

4) This person is a crack head....

hm... Well, eventually I started to look at this differently... Instead of taking the statement literally I decided to try and do some creative interpretation... This lead me down a different path...

After stewing on this now for weeks.... I have spun it around more ways than I can count... I know I have an opinion on just about everything, and very rare is it not a strong opinion.... I don't however like to share my opinions entirely, because I understand just how cruel I am... I got that way a long long time ago, and deal with myself in this manner... I can digest it, but I don't force it upon others if it's not necessary because I have seen how hurtful it can be to people I care about...

It's easy to say the words that people understand. It's easy to say "I love you" or "I disagree with" or "I don't like that", and people understand... But if that's not your native language, you have to put a good deal of effort into translating... For instance....

Me telling someone, "I would feel pain if you were to die" could be translated into 'common language' as "I love you"... But would you understand that? Hah.. well... Maybe somebody would, but I know for a fact, not everyone would.

So, it can be difficult to translate opinion into 'common language' that others can hear, understand for what it means, and appreciate the truth in it. At the end of the day, we're all machines with completely different programming, so it's unrealistic to believe that we can transfer raw data and plug it into another persons brain. When the opinions are very details and tangled up in various things, it can be nearly impossible to translate. I've done enough hurting people trying to get my point across, and if I see the essence of my opinion in the expression of others, I may use their 'language' in hope that it will be understood better than my own... Maybe this has lead to the appearance that I adopt other peoples opinions... It's a long winded explanation, but hey, some sorry cartographer has to plot out this head of mine.

Reviews

[Pax]

I was digging through all the un-reviewed pieces here in wc, I stumble upon into this piece. Somewhat a journal of sort, and I see you are a very opinionated person. Your concerns and pondering are very insightful and mindful carefully put into a very good perspective in this piece.. The main point about this piece is how will you manage your own and others opinion. And you also talk about faith and truth. Your rationalization is fascinating to ponder about.

First faith, what is faith by the way then you say:
According to the dictionary, it's "Belief that is not based on proof"... To me? It's a couple of things...

1. It's an understanding of purpose without reason
2. It's companionship when you're standing completely alone
3. It's complete and utter insanity....

Faith have grown its roots throughout the century. Faith is what makes us believe. It gives us a proper reasoning, gives us guidance & light through the dark crossroads. Faith depends on how strong our will is. Some has it and some don’t, but it is what it is.

You also talk about divinity, does it exist? I may never have the correct answers, it truly depends on the person’s belief and culture. I may not have the strong religious standpoint but I do believe it is there but how divine is it, I am not truly sure. He or it always have a higher purpose on which I can never really fully understand to its full extent.

I really like this and I would like to quote it:

"You never wonder how the world is wrapped around, your hidden fear, take one step back"

It spoke about truth and other values of life. An excerpt on my other review: “I believed that truth varies in the complexity of right and wrong depending on our beliefs, culture, principles and values. So knowing to find balance between all this, you’ll never get lost upon looking into yourself. Like they say fear is just fear itself. Finding the courage and strength within – is acceptance and understanding everything of who you are.” So knowing yourself first is the first step in understanding others opinion.

Your list of path is interesting as it is very intriguing. A very observant fella you are. No matter how we view it, there will always be cruelty in our words – a sad reality in fact. My friend told me that truth is like a blade – its either it splice you in painful or happy revelations, and both opens our eyes…

I always believed that we can never really impose what our opinions are, we can only show it and on how people take it totally depends on their understanding, either they take it or leave it. and in the matters of how you open or show your opinion – you must put careful tact and respect.

I could think of three people in the matters of opinions.

1. the closed-minded
2. the open-minded
3. the one side-minded

You’ve talk about 'common language', that really depends on us on how we show our what we say and think in careful manner, but in all it is hard to maintain not being misunderstood all the time. Specially those people think in a very deep perspective like you or me sometimes.

Wow I really like this:

“At the end of the day, we're all machines with completely different programming, so it's unrealistic to believe that we can transfer raw data and plug it into another person’s brain. When the opinions are very details and tangled up in various things, it can be nearly impossible to translate.”

That’s one way in looking at on how our brain works… in our brain raw data is processed or digest to simplify it in our understanding. Our heart will always find the way to balance or weight everything in perspective.

A fascinating piece indeed!