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oh look... another day..

The further in, the more obvious it is that there are no solutions... I understand now why people blindly take a position that feels comfortable and stick with it, no matter if it's right/wrong/logical/reasonable/ethical/moral or whatever. The problem is, nothing is perfect, and while sifting through more data, and reasoning out exceptions may get you closer to perfect, it will also consume you if you don't chose a place to draw the line and take your position... I suppose my naivety has lead down a path of belief that you can use the powers of deduction to reduce something down to it's 'correct' form and move on to the next problem... Yeah, this is true with simple matters, but as we master the handling of such matters and graduate to larger more adult issues we find this methodology is no longer applicable....

Why? I guess it could simply be called collateral damage..

There are many means to any end, and our first inclination is to chose a means that is familiar to us. We may steer away from the first few options as we have once seen the collateral damage a given means has been responsible for, or we can make educated guesses on how things may play out... So in our little mental test labs we play out as many scenarios as we can trying to find the most equitable solution for ourselves, friends, and loved ones.

Well... The problem is, as you connect these points, more appear.... The picture grows exponentially and you find the story spinning out of control because the scope is able to creep out as far as your mind can comprehend, leaving you completely taxed with every available processor cycle in use to solve what started out as a simple problem...

heh..

I remember when I was a very little kid.... I was listening to MTV as it played on the old  tv in the kitchen of my fathers house as I was making a cheese sandwich. I had to hack the cable box to unlock MTV as my father had it blocked out because it was the devils channel or something to that effect. I remember the MTV news flash pop up explaining that Kurt Cobain had killed himself. There was more detail, some of which stuck and some not, but the one quote that stuck into my head was someone had said he killed himself, because he "cared too much".. That really didn't make any sense to me at the time, but it seemed like something worth storing into my long term memory... So I did... I've been in several troublesome situations where I've felt less than impressed with what life has to offer and have tried to plug that quote in to see if it fit.... Never did, until now... If you care too much, you allow yourself to be consumed in your efforts to do/be/treat whatever situations/others/things the best that you can. It can destroy your desire to live, create, or simply care anymore.. Sort of like over-saturating a transistor. You may keep pouring energy into the base, but there is no proportional increase at the collector... Does that make sense? That imbalance is destructive to the human psyche...

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Honesty? Yeah.. I've been wondering if I've been too honest with some people lately. I'm not used to putting it all out on the table.. You essentially give up control when you do that... I do believe in some regards to gain control is to relinquish control, but I'm started down a scary path there too. I know just about everyone will disagree with it, but the current of life and experience is pushing me further into ambiguity and unconventionalism (if that's even a word). I'm glad my life situation will be changing a bit soon so that my destiny is not so much defined by other peoples ability to conform, pull their heads out of their asses, play nice in the sand box, and in general, just be adults... I'm exhausted from that. I want to be responsible for myself for a while. I'm tired of telling people what they should/could do to be better at this and that. In the end, we're all on our path to self discovery. It's not my place as a human being to tell you anything about yourself, unless you're asking. Being forced into that role by external forces has used me up in many ways...

Reviews

[Violet's Run]

well dark lord...is there anybody watching? I don't know about you but I often feel that way when I post something that is not"conventional" or mainstream, or touchy feely.. but is like this. Gritty, down to earth, straight up truth as you know it to be in your experience. I frankly was very interested when I read the one about the equations and wanted to see what else you would write about in your style. You did not disappoint me so far I find this a refreshing saturne journey into your thoughts. I find this like a stardate journal or like in Avatar when jake has to log in his adventures.. on a video log.. Anyway, enough I enjoy your stuff keep it up