Many Ways to Run

There are many ways to run. I've gone down the list lately. From substance to expression it seems in a free world there is always a way out. Sometimes the way out is through, and others it's backwards or simply just out... The fewer the vices you allow yourself, the more creative you become. You find ways to take refuge in things that either once didn't matter, or you didn't believe you actually cared for. This leads me to fear that I've found asylum in relationships. Some may think this is bad, and others may believe it's good. Why does it scare me? Because I believe that I've been here before. Why did it fail before? I don't like repeating mistakes. Well, it's possible that I simply got hurt and decided that relationships were out of my complete control, hence, not a safe place to escape to. This leads to the next question. Am I trying to run out, or run in? and... Which is correct? Running inward, to hide from the world can be viewed as unhealthy... Running out, away from oneself is also unhealthy... Staying in place can be considered static and unhealthy... So not unlike just about everything else these days, there is no right or wrong answer, just perspective... oy... I swear, in another year or two I will have no motivation, desire, or ambition for anything because I see everything canceling everything out. Maybe my methods are flawed, or I have simply outgrown them. You can use theology to explain the mechanics of the universe, and for a while it makes some level of sense. Eventually the holes begin to show, and you reach out for something more appropriate for your capacity to understand. Is this not the same? What comes after living blindly in emotion, then living frigid in your mind, then trying to live in both? Where does the analysis become a liability to growth, and what's the next tool to reach out for?

I had cookies today and they were tasty....

Reviews

[Pauline Marie Daley]

Intensely thought provoking. Its true sometimes all you want to do is run away. Except you have no idea exactly where you're running to. All you know is that the pain you've felt before was more than you can bear and if you can possibly help it, it will never happen again. I've felt this way many times.. and for me theology does help, and fortunatly I've found a path that doesn't have any holes.. But even then it seems as if this world we live in, is bound to keep us running...