Drink up for the Moment

It seems as though there is a point where you expand so far laterally that you don't have enough time to go vertical. I'm tired again... Hopefully I can turn the brain off tonight and get some sleep. It doesn't take long to remember that my mind does not like sleep and then I start to think about either the most fucked up things, or my lovely fiance, or just random nonsense.

Somewhere in the middle of this experiment I realize what I'm actually doing. Trying to determine if people respond better to your calculated presentation of what you believe they want to hear, or a genuine connection. I'm still on the fence. It probably depends on the audience. Some run from and some run for the truth. Being genuine is good for the soul, but it's taxing. There is nothing to hide behind, no security blanket. When you f**k up, everybody knows, and you have to gracefully learn from the experience a move forward better educated. This includes dealing with yourself. You can't convince yourself that you did well when you didn't. You walk around with a different sense of humility. So where does this lead me?

What of the people who are consumed by results and ignore the process to get there? Heh, almost like we're full circle now right? I stand questioning my approach because it's dissimilar to those of so many around me. Am I lost, are they, or are we just different? Bottom line, not allowing myself to become tangled up in arguments regarding the effectivity of my methods because the result isn't the endgame is probably the cleanest path. It's too obvious that I'm less interested in the conventional quantifications of success, because they're less relevant with each step forward I take. This isn't easy...

It appears to be in motion... Now that the source of the ideas is gone, we can adopt those existing ideas as our own and move forward. God forbid we did the right thing because it was the logical thing to do, even at the expense of our pride. No, pride is far more important than success. Pig... I suppose as gross as it is, it's related to what I was just talking about. If you chase success, then the real question becomes, what is success to you? Making things better, developing people, developing assets, growing yourself and others around you, or receiving praise even if you're undeserving of it... If it's the latter, than you must be one successful son of a b***h, and I hope you can carry that into the after life, because if it fades, and you're floating in the dark with only those demons for companionship, you've got a rough road ahead... Drink up the moment, for it is temporal.