The Prism

Another Rant

Dare I say...  the prism that bends the energy around us, keeping us in place, in perspective...  that prism has changed, or maybe better put, the energy has changed.

It's getting difficult to keep up with the changes... They're happening so frequently now..  On the outside it must look crazy and erratic...  I guess that's okay..  The outside is for them, the inside for me..

I opened this thing believing I had something to say.  Imagine that...  I keep getting lost in the sounds, in the sea, the images...  It's funny because however dream like, my dreams are nothing like...  Well I should not say nothing like... They're somewhat like..  But certainly not the same...  I need an artist..   I'm actually considering to quit smoking for good...  I can say now with confidence which parts of me will always be, and hence, and I can commit... The problem is, what I see in my head is very specific and detailed..  I don't know how to get it out onto paper, let alone explain it to someone..  It would have to be perfect...  All well... take the time to make it perfect...  no hurry..

(just random dream from last night)
There is this girl.....  She has no eyes, just deep black holes that pull you in....  She has long wavy dark hair.  Very thin, and feminine.  She finds me a lot in my dreams...  She's cruel and perfect at the same time..  She hurts he in a way that could never be ignored.  It cuts into parts of me that exist when I'm away from my body...  She's long been in the underworld, sanctified by her insulation from the external..  She's so powerful...  There is nothing more attractive than a beautiful, souless, and powerful woman...  Anyhow.. It's her, and her world, her room....  That's what I want.   I don't need the life, or the body, or the history, or the loved ones, or the accomplishments, or the ambition....  She alone gives me reason...

...  hmm....  I'm really not crazy by the way...  Just letting go....  It's too much effort to hold on to the "real" world, because it's so meaningless anyway..  It's a pretty sorry substitute other worlds...  Real or not, who cares..  If I lived only in my own creation, I would at least be living in something I believed in...   I suppose the unattractive part of this would be, you can't really take anyone with you because there are VERY VERY VERY VERY few people who either are strong enough, or actually care enough to let go with you and drown in you, and you in the them....

ehh.. and okay correction..  I am crazy... f**k it... I'm cool with that.. I mean what the f**k... Everyone I see is crazy in predictable and boring ways..  If they can get stuck in their cyclical insanity imposed upon them by environment, why can't I chose my own insanity?  I mean really.. if I'm capable, I should be entitled..    It's my world...

Reviews

[TLK]

Too many ellipses... I mean, really... what's up with that?