Sorrow

She looks at him tears streaming down her face “I hate you! I hate you so f*****g much for making me love you!”

“You promised! You f*****g promised me that you wouldn’t do this! That you wouldn’t leave me like everyone else in my fucked up excuse for a life!”

She drops to her knees and continues to sob into her hands before looking back up at him. “Do you remember any of that? Sitting with me on the bed as I balled all night because the pain of simply existing was enough to make me want to kill myself. Then you took me into your arms and told me that everything was going to be ok. That you wouldn’t leave me, and the fucked up thing is I believed you.”

“Do you have any idea how safe I felt in your arms? How weak I let myself become around you. Did you have any f*****g idea the pain I feel every day and just how hard it tries to take me from this earth!? How badly I just want to end it all and never have to feel again! But then you came along and it all stopped. The pain the fear the anxiety. It all melted away in your arms and you showed me how to love myself. You were everything to me. EVERYTHING!”

She grabs the empty bottle off of the floor and throws it at him. It misses and shatters against the wall. Leaving red wine to slowly drip down the walls like blood. All the anger inside of her is at its peak and it’s just looking for the easiest way to escape. She walks up right to his face and just screams. A scream that conveys every ounce of anger and hatred flowing through her. But as those emotions pour out of her throat. As the anger and hate leaves her they are replaced by a mixture of new emotions. She screams until her lungs no longer have air to push out but she still stands there mouth wide trying to get every ounce of it out. Finally with her lungs screaming for air she finally breathes in and collapses back onto the floor.

“Please-“but the words catch in her throat and her voice breaks as another wave of crying and sorrow over takes her body.

“Please, please, please god don’t leave me. Don’t walk in and show me how to live without the pain and self-doubt and then leave me. I don’t know how to do this without you. How to not hate myself or let these poisonous thoughts convince me that I should just give up. Just say something, anything. Say you hate me. Say you never loved me. Say you lied! Just please say something that’s going to make it ok that you aren’t in my life anymore.”

She looks up at the picture praying to god that somehow he’s going to magically phase through it and take her in his arms again. That he will whisper how sorry he is that he left but that he’s back now and everything is going to be ok. However no words are spoken and he won’t take her into his arms ever again. Ever since two men showed up at her door in full uniform and a flag in their hands.