I know i loved you

About a girl i still haven't stopped falling for.

I don’t know the exact moment I knew I loved you, but I can remember all the steps that lead to there.

I remember racing off to come get you in the middle of the night because the world kept beating the s**t out of you and it just wasn’t right.

I remember holding you for hours as you went through your panic attack. Just being there until you could finally find your way back.

I remember every inside joke we’ve ever made and how much your smile made all my pain fade.

I know I started to love you when you were the only thing in my head at night. When you became the reason everything I'm my life seemed to be all right.

I know I started to love you when I could look into your eyes and know exactly how you were feeling and the way you just existing has me reeling.

I knew I loved you when you met him and we started talking less, how our conversations started to get colder and more emotionless

I knew I loved you as my heart started filling up with regret as my head clouded up with visions of you laying on his chest.

I knew I loved you when you came to me with a sad face and explained the fight you two had over my sake.

I remember the pain in my heart as I lied and told you it was ok to leave.

I remember every day for the next year and a half that you were with him and not me and how f*****g hard I tried to lie and say that this Isn’t killing me.

I know I love you because I try to defend the way you hurt me to my friends. Because everything you’ve done to me is exactly how I’d want it to go if it all happened again.

I know I love you because I would happily die if that meant for once in your life you could be safe and happy.

I know I love you because the thought of you not loving me, absolutely, 100%, completely destroys me