How Blind is an Eye?

when you REALLY LOOK at yourself, do you LIKE what you see?

I sit here feeling sorry for myself,

So I don’t even see the monster I’ve become.

I stand and look,

Not waiting for others to attack.

I gather myself,

And pierce people’s soul.

I look for their weakness to attack them with,

Swaddled poisoned swords in a witty joke.

Bringing them down by cutting off esteem at the knees.

I live for being the center of attention,

With my smart mouth,

Craving the laughter and approval of the crowd,

Snickering and watching as their “friend” gets shot at.

I use my sight not to bring others up,

Not to raise them to where they should be,

No, I cut them down at the knees.

I’ve been so scared of losing,

Of being told of my imperfections,

That I would rather lay someone low,

Then to hear any criticism of my own.

I possess neither a sharp wit,

Nor a clever mind.

I have barbed wire around myself,

Hurting those who dare come close,

And a simple orifice to spew toxic gunk.

Author's Note

It only took me a sleepless night watching a We the Gentlemen video at six in the morning to show myself that I have been lying to myself... I AM NOT a nice person.

Reviews

[Antoñyo]

Whoa...Awesome and necessary write of substance!!!
How courageous is this author to see self in that mirror most don't care to gaze into... then write about it to the world. Glad it's done because GOD KNOWS this should be posted on public boards everywhere. In my youth, I too came upon this revelation and although I was never really mean, I was extremely bitter...and not "me." Mirrors really do help people. Take a look!
...just sayin'

Thanks for the share

[Katie Flores]

thanks for the review antonyo, knowing that there are people out there that appreciate this writing makes the sting of it feel better :)

[Antoñyo]

People will appreciate AND care...and time has a way of working wonders. You're young yet and will be ok

[zainul]

Great self-criticism!
Is it called Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) ?

[Katie Flores]

oh geeze I would hope I'm not THAT bad, but who knows? I don't think I could judge that myself, but thank you!

[zainul]

Thanks for the nice response.
I appreciate your friendly gesture.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like the last stanza especially...

the introspection...

and this sounds so much like my sister and other people i know...defensive, won't let anyone close...make us not like them immediately so that we get no chance to really know them...why?

because they are afraid that if we do get to know them we won't like them...

so they give us no chance...the repel us before we get any chance.

this is wonderfully confessional...a bleak mirror of recognition.

jacob

[Chris]

Whom do YOU want to be? and how do you want to be?

[Kaitlynn A. Black]

A great poem! We are who we make ourselves to be. We all have our own reasons that stem from previous experiences. I don't think there is any blame, even onto ourselves for who our now has become. For we always have the ability to change ourselves if we see fit to change. =)

Kate

[Yari Garcia (Older Prof..]

Good altogether, except the beginning threw me off. You said:
"I sit hear sitting sorry for myself,"
Do you mean, "I sit here"? "Feeling sorry for myself?"
I'm not sure I understand "sit hear sitting sorry"...

[Katie Flores]

thanks for catching that!

[Yari Garcia (Older Profile)]

You're welcome! Besides that, the poem was really great :-)

[Katie Flores]

Thank you :D

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

I have written about people such as this. I don't think you are like this because I don't think people who are will ever be capable of seeing themselves truthfully. Well done.

[Katie Flores]

Thank you Neva :D

[Ru Banerjee]

Its a sharp, stabbing poem which shoots you just at the start:
"I sit hear sitting sorry for myself,
So I don’t even see the monster I’ve become.
I stand and look,
Not waiting for others to attack.
I gather myself,
And pierce people’s soul."

Let the spark alive!