How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

It's only a matter of time.

Rules To Ensure Your Contribution Into The Gene Pool :

 

1) Zombie Bites Are 100% Fatal

It's all in the spit. If one of those shuffling munchers latches onto your arm, guess what? Your dead. This includes- getting some of that saliva into a cut or abrasion or even eating zombie's flesh.

 

2) Guns Don't Do Nothin'

Unless your a crack shot, shooting aimlessly at a horde of the undead doesn't kill them. It just wastes amo and draws them closer. Saying this, always save a bullet for youself.

 

3) Incineration

Fire is your safest bet to getting rid of those re-animated corpses. Don't just leave them lying around, clean up after yourself. (I'm sure if you nuked the place it would do just as well, but then you'd probably die of radiation poisoning or getting eaten by some kinda mutated radioactive cockroach.)

 

4) Long Locks, Chop! Chop!

Pony-tails aren't fool proof ladies (and gentlemen.) The best protection is short cropped hair, or shaving it off entirely.

 

5) Group Size

3 is the best. You can't go trampling over the country if you've got a massive band of groupies, because sooner or later your all gonna be corpses, it means risking the chance of detection and lowers mobility. Where as, a single person means no look out while you catch some Z's.

 

6) Cardio

Hauling one's self over fences and running from hordes is quite vital if you wish to have grandchildren. You don't want to be munchies just 'coz you were reluctant to shift that extra weight.

 

7) (Don't) Be A Hero

There's no award. Survival isn't a sprint- it's a marathon! Kevlar may deflect the bullets, but your not invinable.

 

8) Get Creative!

No hospitals, go to a vet! No ammuniton in your gun? It can transform into a meelee weapon!

 

9) Bathrooms Are Killers

When entering a deserted building, be cautious. Or just stay away. Capiche?

 

10) Be Wary Of Bodies

When aproaching a lifeless form, make loud noises and throw a few rocks at it just in case it's a... you know, zombie.

 

11) Toilet Paper.

Enough said.

 

12) When In Doubt- Know Your Way Out!

Pack a map, or a compass.

 

13) Be Nice To Your Friends.

(a.k.a- be aware of the 'Karma' effect.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Not all of these rules were composed entirely by yours truly, (8, 12, 13)

Reviews

[Jamie Cook]

2) Guns Don't Do Nothin'
ME: I friggin knew it!!!

3) Incineration
ME: HAH! I GOT THE FIRE STARTED FIE STARTED!! AHAHAH BURN BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!!!

4) Long Locks, Chop! Chop!
ME: Meh, I've been bald before, chop it off!! :D

5) Cardio
hahah munchies...I like that word....

9) Bathrooms Are Killers
There's always someone who died in there while taking a s**t!

AAAAH! I loved that! That was a wicked step thingie and I enjoyed it very much :3 Awesome job dude :3

[Lou ._.]

Thanks matie- :D

[Jamie Cook]

Welcome mate ^-^

[Will]

A plan is a plan. Tis always good to have one. I hope to God we never have to implement it. Nicely done :)

[eatme]

In the mathematical simulation of zombie outbreak, you come down to one comparison. A) whatever conditions you have, fast or slow zombies, rage virus or rotting dead, bite or all dead animate - none of this really matters. What matters is: your total situation is enough to kill EVERYONE! The problem, however you define it, will kill 99.9% of all people. B) You will survive what no one else did.

What you end up with is something like this: If you cut your hair, use your empty gun as a melee weapon, stay in groups of three, and avoid bathrooms, you will survive what 99.99% of other people won't.

Somehow, that does not add up. In the real scenario, the problem is so bad, you are doomed. If it was that easy to survive, it never would have taken down the world in the first place. People would have won like in the original Night of the Living Dead.

[Lou ._.]

Yes. In an event of a zombie apocalypse, you would most certainly die. But it's better to have a vauge, if totally dodgey survival guide than nothing at all.