Chapter 1

It all goes wrong.

“This isn’t right.” 

She knew it was her fault. It was a fact that burned in her stomach like a collapsing star, red hot and threatening to tear her apart at the seams. Aviva stood a few meters away from her house, her gaze on its darkened windows and door, which stood open like a blackend maw. 

She’d spent every day of her twenty-four years in that house. It’d been a sanctuary and a prison, depending on the day. For the past few months it had leaned closer to the latter. She was itching to leave, to chase her own life. But there was no hope for it. There was no place for an invalid human in Cerul, which dictated that every citizen needed to be given a registration number. A number assigned before birth. Without it, you couldn’t go to school, get a job, go to a hospital, buy a house. Any number of things. Everything. She was completely dependent on her parents and a handful of close friends and family who hadn’t turned their backs on them when her parents had been denied approval for a child and decided, against all logic, to have one anyway.

It had driven her crazy for years, watching her friends go off to college, start their careers, while she did odd jobs under the table, or amused herself with art and exploring the outer-limits of Cerul. It had gotten to the point that she’d gotten more bold, more reckless, desperate to join her friends on their escapades as their lives evolved while her’s stagnated. 

Her latest misadventure had been the catalyst for the black windows in her house, the door that stood wide open, somehow threatening. She never thought that a party would be the catalyst that ruined her life.

Author's Note

What do you think of:
- the hook
- the names
- the writing style
- clarity of concept
- is it suspenseful or not enough?

Whatever your thoughts, impressions, or critiques, I'd love to hear them.