A Single Rose

The wrinkles wind across his face

Like roads that led him to this place.

 

They led him to this place in time

Where tired eyes have lost their shine.

 

And now he stands there, leaking tears,

He's lost, his love of fifty years,

 

He kneels and leaves a single rose,

Wipes the tears, then turns, and goes.

 

Reviews

[Barry S. Maltese]

How sweet and touching! I love watching some of the older couples, they look so cute together. But then one is called back home to our maker, and the other one seems so lost . . . Your poem is a lovely description of a very real moment. Two hearts that remain bound forever. Very nicely done.

[Kim Lawrie]

Very rarely does poetry leave me with goosbumps, and when it does, I know it's good. This definately fits into that category. I love it's simplicity, and yet it has such depth. It's very touching and real. I enjoyed reading it so much I am going to add it to my library.

[Robert Moody]

It's nice people try to rhyme poems, that people can put structure into them. I personally have very free-verse poems, but I respect the work that goes into structuring poems (had to write sonnets for English) and I especially like how you did this.

[Elle Blaisure]

This is a very sad and beautiful poem. As a reviewer stated before me it is very bittersweet but then that is why I love it so. That is not the only reason however. To me this poem is almost metaphor for life; how we all love and eventually lose. But yet that love still endures, even in our greatest of losses. It is quite romantic really.

As for mechanics, the flow and rhythm was wonderful. You truly have a gift.

Elle B.

[T. L. O'Neal]

Very bittersweet poem written with love and sentiment. Wonderful read. T

[Katie B]

I love the simplicity of this poem. The rhyme helps bring a nice flow to it. This tugged at my heart strings. So sad but yet so beautiful at the same time. I personally like how you kept it simple. You just let the emotions and sentiment be in the forefront instead of getting fancy with the language. Nicely written

[W.k.kortas]

A nice idea, and the rhythm is very nice....but it's a bit too full-speed-ahead for the subject matter. "He's lost his love of fifty years"....OK, but why not work that in through suggestion rather than just flat-out tell us that. The first stanza starts to create a certain atmosphere, and the last two stanzas go back to that nicely, but in between the poem steamrolls a bit. It's a nice idea, and well-constructed, but there are spots where you need to suggest more and tell less. If you can find the lyrics for the very old Genesis song "For Absent Friends", which works with an idea similar to this, that would provide a nice guide for telling a story through presenting certain details.

[Shawna Johnson]

Beautiful. If one must lose the love of their life, this is the way it should be. Hopefully, he has a lifetime of beautiful memories that are held within the rose. You brought a tear to my eye, and maybe I needed that. thanks.

[Snickerdoodle!!!]

This poem is truly amazing. i love the way you have the sweet romance but you also incorporated the sorrow of losing your beloved soulmate. This is truly an example of bitter sweet.

[Blogiudi]

I really enjoyed this poem. i love the romantic side of it, yet it is filled with sorrow. I like that multiple emotions are shown.

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

Nice. Your rhymes are simple and powerful and you move the story along gracefully. You have captured such a small moment in time with strength. I especially like the first couplet, splendid. Your images are great, this one ranks high on my ratings. If we had a more accurate rating system, 1-10, I would rate this 9, but since I have some suggestions I am forced to rate this 4.

"Like roads that led him to this place.

They led him to this place in time,"
- This repetition seemed a bit much for me, as these two lines basically say the same thing. I would suggest replacing the second instance with a different line, perhaps a line that highlights something new.

"He�s lost, his love of fifty years,"
- Remove the comma after lost to improve the flow.

"Wipes a tear, then turns, and goes."
- This seemed to have an off-flow to me because of the two commas, and also "then turns" is not very expressive.
Try,
"He kneels and leaves a single rose
Wiping a final tear as he goes.""

Great stuff. And if the "rain" in the fourth couplet refers to his tears in the third couplet, that is tremendous. If you didn't intend it that way, you did it anyway.
- Tiger